Pandora's box
by inatepaz
Summary: Johnny and Roy are finally on their way back to LA after visiting the place where Johnny grew up in Montana. What of Johnny's past will be revealed as Pandora's box is opened and how will his friends deal with what they find out.
1. Chapter 1

_HI folks, it has been a while, I know, but here is finally the start of my next story. It is a continuation of the Past Secrets and The Song of Life. I recommend reading those first if you want to know the full story. The story starts out pretty benign, but there will be a lot of character building and connections with the rest of the crew at the station and the hospital. Oh and of course there will be angst and owies. I can't promise how quickly chapters will follow, life with work and family have a way of distracting from writing. If anyone wants to be emailed when chapters are posted send an email and I will do my best. Now sit back and hopefully enjoy._

_Of course the characters of Emergency are not mine, I am only borrowing them for the joy of writing about them. There are some original characters that I can claim. _

PANDORA'S BOX

Chapter 1.

Roy sat in the passenger seat watching the streets and the signs and the other traffic; he wasn't use to being the navigator. Johnny sat in the driver's seat. Yes, this was Johnny's Land Rover; not his convertible, not the squad. Still it just didn't feel right. It wasn't so much that he didn't trust Johnny's driving; it's just that when ever the two of them were together, Roy drove. That's just the way it was. But Roy couldn't very well drive this time, not with the muscles of his right chest wall recovering from surgery due to a penetrating stab wound. It wasn't even certain if the doctors at the hospital in Ft. Compass Montana would release him early to make the trip back to L.A. Only after Johnny's newly found cousin, Erin Shaw, an Emergency Room Nurse at the hospital offered to go along and help out; did they consent. Roy sighed and leaned back in his seat, his mind going over the events that led up to his current situation.

It had all started with a letter to Johnny from the wife of his former track coach asking if Johnny could come back and visit one last time before his friend and mentor passed away. The letter came too late and an injury on the job left Johnny without even the ability to drive up and pay his respects. Wanting to learn more about his partner's past Roy offered to drive. As the trip progressed, Johnny slowly told of the horrific abuse he had suffered at the hands of his step father Charles Strongbow. Then during a surreptitious visit to his old house, with his sister Amy, whom Johnny had not seen in 7 years, they had an unfortunate encounter with Strongbow. Johnny had pushed Roy out the door, asking him to get Amy to safety. After leaving Amy with the neighbors and asking them to call for help, Roy returned to the aid of his partner. He shuddered as he remembered walking in and seeing the animalistic look on Strongbow's face as he pushed the lit end of a cigarette into Johnny's back. Stepping in to defend his friend, Roy experienced Johnny's step father's violent nature first hand as the man grabbed for a kitchen knife.

Roy didn't remember too much of the attack, just drifting in and out of consciousness as Johnny took care of him until the ambulance arrived. Strongbow had gotten away, fleeing at the first sound of police sirens. He remembered waking up briefly in a hospital room with a vent tube down his throat, God how he hated that feeling. He had never experienced anything like that before and he hoped he would never have to experience it again. Thankfully Johnny had been there by his side and his reassuring presence squelched the panic Roy had initially felt. Over the ensuing week, only at the insistence of friends and family did Johnny leave the hospital. It was on one of those rare occasions that Johnny left the hospital to have dinner with his sister and his new found cousin that Strongbow made his presence known again. Strongbow attempted to run Johnny down as he crossed the street. Miraculously, a hawk appeared out of no where and dove straight toward the on rushing pickup truck. The truck swerved, missing Johnny and crashed head on into a building. Strongbow had been killed instantly.

The rest of the week had gone quickly, and the doctors were encouraged by Roy's progress. With promises that they would head straight to Rampart General to be checked out when they arrived in L.A. and reassurances from Erin that she would make them stop and rest frequently, Roy was released.

Roy shifted a little in his seat and grimaced as the muscles protested. Johnny who had been caring on a conversation with Erin stopped mid stream and glanced at his partner. "You okay Roy? Do you need to stop for a bit? I can pull over at the next exit?

"No, its okay, just a little stiff. How about you? You doing okay? Your shoulder giving you any trouble?" Roy asked giving Johnny a quick once over, noticing him roll his right shoulder and wince.

"No, its fine. Just stretching."

"You sure, you've been driving for a while now. If you want to stop for a while…"

"I said I was fine Roy, but if you need to stop…."

"No, I'm good"

"Fine"

Both guys heard a loud sigh from the back seat. "Are all Paramedics this macho when it comes to being hurt?" Erin asked with a shake of her head.

Roy looked a little sheepish and Johnny gave a little boyish half grin. "Only the good ones are," they stated together.

"Well I need a break," Erin said smiling as she leaned forward and pointed to an up coming exit. "Lets stop here and stretch a bit; and if you two behave I might even treat you to an ice cream cone."

"Can I have a sundae instead," Johnny asked as his eyes lit up.

"Hot fudge with whipped cream and a cherry on top," Roy added with a smile.

"Nah man, Strawberry with whipped cream and those little sprinkle things on top," Johnny countered.

"Jimmies," Roy corrected.

"Who's Jimmy?" Johnny asked perplexed.

"Not who, what. They're what you call the little sprinkles." Roy supplied helpfully.

"Who calls them that? I've never heard them called that before."

"My Dad and Mom, and all the rest of my family. My Dad was stationed on the east coast when we were little and everyone there called the little sprinkles that you put on ice cream, Jimmies." Roy explained.

"But why Jimmies? Why not Scotties, or Dannies, or Mikies?" Johnny inquired as he made the turn from the exit ramp onto the street heading towards the ice cream place.

"Just because, that's why," Roy countered.

"Hum," Johnny said shaking his head as he parked the car, "Jimmies….well I'm not going to call them that. I mean why anyone would go around giving a name to little sprinkles is beyond me."

They all climbed out of the car and headed into the little store; the cool air conditioning washing over them. Roy ordered while Erin used the ladies room and Johnny found a table. In a few minutes they were all enjoying their ice cream and debating about the remaining leg of the trip. Roy and Johnny were all for pushing on through and driving 10 more hours bringing them into LA around Midnight. Erin immediately nixed that idea reminding the guys that there was no way either of them were in any shape to drive that long and there was no way she was going to drive that long either. Instead she suggested they split the remaining time and drive 5 more hours today and then 5 tomorrow bringing them into LA around noon tomorrow. Grudgingly her idea was agreed to and when they headed out to the Rover, Erin commandeered the keys and stated she would drive the next 5 hours. Johnny took shot gun and Roy climbed into the back. Within an hour both of them were lightly snoring.

As the Rover hummed along over the smooth highway surrounded by the low barren hills of southwestern Utah, Erin quietly sang along to the Peter, Paul, and Mary 8-track. They had left Salt Lake City behind them when they had stopped for the ice cream and were now heading toward Las Vegas. Erin glanced over at the sleeping figures. Both guys had argued that they were feeling okay, but to Erin's trained eye, she could tell that was not entirely true. Roy was definitely hurting, he couldn't hide it. It was there in his eyes, in his posture, and in his voice. She peeked in the review mirror and saw him laying on his left side, turned in toward the back of the bench seat, his good arm protectively cradling his other and both wrapped around his chest.

Johnny was another enigma all together. She did not know his whole story and could only guess at pieces and parts of it. She knew that he had been horribly abused at the hands of his stepfather from the evidence she has seen in the scars that laced his back. But Erin knew that the surface scars were infinitesimal to the scars that laced his soul; scars that were laid down and built upon from early childhood. Scars that did not, would not, and could not let pain be seen. The world would see even the most serious of injuries shrugged off and dismissed as if it was a minor nuisance. It was only if one looked deep enough, that the uncertainty, the fear, and yes even the pain could be seen in the guarded eyes.

Stealing a glance over at her cousin in the seat next to her, Erin knew from the way he positioned himself that his right shoulder was hurting him more then he would let on. She had seen him grimace as he went through the stretches in the morning to loosen up his shoulder to prevent it from locking up. She knew, from talking with Roy, that he refused to take any pain meds due to his mother overdosing. She wondered whether he had ever tried any alternative forms of healing. She would have to consult with their Aunt Rosa and see if she could recommend anything. Their aunt was into all the holistic health and healings, and Erin was sure there was some herb or concoction her Aunt Rosa could recommend to help with pain. Rosa lived in Berkley where she and her life partner owned a small holistic health food store from which they ran a small clinic out of the back room. Deanna, her life partner, had even studied in China and became a master in the practice of acupuncture.

Erin smiled to herself; she couldn't wait for Johnny to meet his aunt. When she had called and told Rosa that she had found her long lost nephew, she was overjoyed. Rosa had been the only one on Johnny's father's side of the family to accept the marriage of Johnny's mother and father. Roberta, Erin's own mother and Johnny's other aunt, had refused to accept the union and had blamed Johnny's mother for the death of his father so far from home. The existence of Johnny further defiled the memory of her brother in her mind, and she swore that the abomination of a child of mixed heritage would rue its existence. It was that very hatred and close mindedness that drove Erin from her own home to go and live with her aunt where she found peace and harmony with diversity. Erin turned her attention back to the 8-track and sang quietly along with Peter, Paul, and Mary.

At just a little before 6 p.m. Erin turned the Rover from the Freeway a couple exits before Vegas and headed for the cluster of hotels, restaurants, and truck stops. "Hey guys, wake up. We're stopping for the night. There's a little hotel up a head that looks respectable enough." Erin said as she headed toward a single level no frills mom and pop joint. Getting out, the three of them stretched tired aching muscles and walked into the small lobby. An older woman sat behind the counter and looked a little askance at the trio as Roy approached the desk.

"Hi, we would like one room please."

The woman looked from Roy to Johnny and Erin and back to Roy, "Sorry we don't have any vacancies."

Roy looked perplexed, "But your sign says vacancy, and your lot doesn't look full."

The woman looked back at Erin and then to Roy and Johnny again, crossing her arms she shook her head, "We are a respectable establishment, we don't accept her kind of business here. I am sure you can find some 'room' down the road to satisfy your 'needs'."

Johnny stood there with his mouth open and Roy's face turned pink as he looked back to Erin. Erin was not amused and the anger in her eyes was evident as she stepped up to the counter. "I don't know what type of 'business' you think I am in, but I'll have you know I am a nurse," she said while producing her hospital ID, "and these two gentlemen are Firefighters from Los Angeles. They were injured while training in Montana. It is my job to escort them back to L.A. so they can recuperate in the loving care of their own family and friends."

The woman behind the desk looked closely at Erin's ID and then back to Johnny and Roy who had both produced their badges. "Well, I guess all seems in order. One can never tell these days. I suppose we do have one room available with two doubles in it. It's $9.99 a night and you pay upfront. Room 110, last one on the left," she said as she laid a key on the countertop.

"Thank you," Erin said as she handed the woman a ten dollar bill and took the key. As they turned to leave the office Johnny stopped and turned back around. "Can you recommend a good place to eat, some real home cooked type of food?"

The woman looked at the skinny young man in front of her, 'he definitely could use a couple of good home cooked meals to put some meat on his bones,' she thought to herself, saying out loud, "Josie's across the way. Best food in town and fair prices."

"Thanks," Johnny said as his face lit up with a grin.

Stopping briefly in the room to freshen up and so Roy could call Joanne, the trio then immediately headed over to the dinner, deciding to walk and enjoy the evening air.

The lady at the hotel had not lied; the plates came filled with hot steaming fresh cooked food and baskets of melt in your mouth biscuits. The discussion at the table revolved around folks back in L.A. as Johnny and Roy filled Erin in on all the folks at Rampart and the station.

"I'll tell you, if Bracket thinks he is going to keep me overnight at the hospital when we get back, he has another thing coming," Johnny said, emphasizing the statement with a french fry punctuating the air.

"I'll have to agree with you on that one partner, I just want to get home to Joanne and my own bed,"

"I'm sure this Dr. Brackett will understand. Besides I am sure Joanne has had some practice at taking care of various injuries and I'll be staying with you Johnny so you will have someone to watch over you," Erin stated with a smile.

"You don't know Brackett, he can be a real hard nose sometimes," Johnny grumbled.

"Johnny you have to be fair, Brackett just has his patient's best interests in mind," Roy countered.

"Yeah, well my best interest is to just get home and have life return to the way it was," Johnny sighed.

Johnny stared at his plate as he drew designs in the ketchup with a french fry. He knew that his life now would never be 'the way it was'. Too many things had changed. Oh, sure some of the changes were for the good; his sister was back in his life and he had a cousin and an aunt that wanted to be part of his life. But the lid to the Pandora 's Box that had so effectively kept his past shut away had been unlocked. It was only a matter of time till it was thrown wide open for the entire world to see. And what would happen then? Would everyone runaway at the horrors that came spewing out?

With an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach Johnny pushed the plate toward the center of the table. "If you guys don't mind, I'm going to head on back to the room," he said as he stood up from the table.

"Sure you don't want to stay for dessert?" Erin asked noticing his half finished dinner.

"Nah, I'm not that hungry right now, you guys go ahead and enjoy."

After watching Johnny leave the dinner, Erin turned to Roy, "Is he going to be okay?"

"Yah, he just has a lot of heavy stuff to face when he gets back," Roy said as he looked toward the door his partner had walked through.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

_This chapter goes into descriptions of child abuse. Thank you all for those who sent feedback. Please feel free to let me know what you think of this chapter. _

_Of course the characters of Emergency are not mine, I am only borrowing them for the joy of writing about them. There are some original characters that I can claim. _

_PS. Happy Birthday Ginger._

Kelly Brackett slowly opened the door to exam room three and looked out into the hall. It was clear. Holding a clip board and intently staring at the blank page on it as if it contained an engrossing report, he quickly strolled across the hall to his office. Closing the door behind him, he leaned against the door and let out a long sigh. If he had one more nurse come to him about needing their schedule changed or that a supply was running low he was going to loose his tenuous grip on his patience and blow up at someone. God how he missed Dixie. It had been less then a week since she had to leave to go to New Mexico unexpectedly to help her brother with her nieces and nephews while his wife was in the hospital with an emergency appendectomy, but it felt like an eternity. Kel was always amazed at Dixie's Nursing skills, but he had no idea what an effective manager she was. She always made things run so smoothly. Well, she'd be home in three days. He could survive three more days. Looking at the pile of mail on his desk and the stack of memos, he sighed again, then again maybe he wouldn't. Maybe they would find him buried under a stack of paperwork.

Sitting down at his desk and ignoring the stack of internal memo's Kel began sorting through the stack of mail creating smaller stacks of Medical Journals, seminar notices, letters, and junk mail. Halfway through the stack he came across a large express mailer from a hospital in Montana, Roy and Johnny's medical charts. The emergency room doctor up there had said he was going to mail them. Opening the package he pulled out two files. Sitting the lighter of the two aside he figured it was best to familiarize himself with Roy's chart first as he was the one that had the more life threatening injuries and the longer hospital stay.

Flipping open the front cover he read the first entry:

**7-10-72 AGE 24 WT 158Lbs HT 6'0" ** _Pt presented with a syncopel episode. Pt cold and clammy to touch and breaths were rapid and shallow. Pt placed on 6 liter of O2 and IV D5W established. Upon further examination it was discovered pt had small contusion approximately 1 ½ inches in diameter on back of head behind left ear, reopening of previous sutured gash on right cheek, signs of recent injury to right shoulder….._

Having expected the larger of the two files to be Roy's, he stopped and flipped back to the front cover. Sure enough, the front cover label read, '_John Roderick Gage'. _Looking over to the other file confirmed that its front cover read, '_Roy Christopher Desoto'._ Opening Gage's file again, he flipped through the first couple pages which detailed Johnny's most recent visit to the Emergency Room in Ft. Compass and began to scan the older reports.

**8-30-55 AGE 4 WT 36Lbs HT 40 ½ In. (pt ranked in 50****th**** percentile for weight and height) **_Pt presented with possible facture to left arm and bruising to face. Injuries appear to be a couple days old. Step father states pt fell while riding bike and due to recent hospitalization of pt's mother for birth of younger sister, pt's injuries were not immediately noticed. X-rays confirmed fracture of L. Radius. Cast was applied to arm and Step father was directed to follow up with Reservation Clinic for removal of cast in 6 weeks._

**9-21-55 AGE 4 WT 34Lbs HT 40 ½ In. **_Pt returned to ER with cast on left arm smashed, contusions to chest, back, and face, ½ inch laceration to lower lip. Pt's step father states pt fell down cellar steps. Recast pt's arm and sutured lip. Directed step father to follow up with Reservation Clinic for removal of sutures and cast in 3 weeks._

Kel smiled and shook his head; Johnny's propensity for getting hurt was definitely something that he had not come by later in life. Kel flipped the page and continued to scan the pages.

**12-26-55 ….** _2__nd__ degree frostbite to both hands and feet in blistering stage. Step father states pt got up in the middle of the night to look for Santa Claus and was not discovered until the next day. Patterned bruising to back, buttocks, and thighs. Step father claims pt fell down cellar steps._

**3-5-56 …** _Cracked ribs, bruising to back, buttocks, and thighs _**...**_ fell down cellar steps._

The next several pages detailed much the same information over a 6 year period. Bruising to back, buttocks, thighs, face, arms, various lacerations. As the age increased the injuries increased and the weight decreased from the 50th percentile to the 5th percentile. The next entry of length and note was dated in April 1962.

**4-12-61 AGE 10 WT 50Lbs HT 55 ¼ In. (pt ranked less then 5****th**** percentile in weight and 75****th**** percentile in height.)** _Pt brought into ER severely dehydrated. Possible fracture of left leg. Bruising to head, face, arms, abdomen, back, and buttocks. Injuries appear to be a week old. Step father states that pt upon learning of still birth of baby brother retreated to the mountains to morn the loss. When pt didn't return after a couple days Step father stated he went to search for pt and found him in a canyon. X-rays confirm no internal injuries and recent fracture of Left Tibia. Fracture appears to be aligned properly and in initial stages of mending. Pt states he splinted leg to keep it straight. IV with D5W ordered and leg casted. Pt admitted for 24 hour observation. Referred to Hospital Social Services. _

**4-13-61 **_Interviewed pt and stepfather. Pt appears to be active 10 year old boy. Pt states that he spends a lot of time hiking and camping in the mountains, but became disoriented after going into the mountains to morn the loss of his infant brother. Pt is respectful of his step father, is courteous and quiet. Pt discharged to care of his family and his people on the reservation per request of Step father. _

The incidents of broken ribs, legs, arms, fingers ….. lacerations to lip, cheek, arm, hand, foot ….. burns to hands, to bottom of feet, to inside of thigh increased in frequency over the next several pages. Several of the chart notes indicating a minimum of 24 hour stay at the hospital with referral to the Hospital Social Worker. Each time, despite what clearly appeared to be a strong case of ongoing child abuse, the child ….

NO, Kel stopped and thought to himself, this was not just some child. This was Johnny he was reading about.

…. each time Johnny was sent back home to the care of his family and his people on the reservation.

The last incident noted in the file occurred in May 1965. According to the chart notes Johnny was 13 years old, ranked 75th percentile in height at 64 inches, but at 72 lbs, didn't even make 5th percentile in weight. He was brought into the ER by his Track Coach who had found him beaten and chained in the cellar of his house. He suffered a broken jaw, broken arm, leg, ribs, and veiled in the grayness of medical speak, forced penetration of the rectum. In plain blunt terms, rape. He was hospitalized for just about a month and when he was finally discharged he went home with his Track Coach, Jack Kemp.

Kel was just finishing the last of the follow up chart notes that showed a marked improvement in Johnny's health and weight when his grey haired colleague, Joe Early strolled in and made himself comfortable on the couch.

"So this is where you've been hiding out. I was about ready to send a search team out looking for you. Everything okay?" Joe asked noting the look of concern on his friends face.

Kel didn't look up from the report he had been reading, "Just was going through some of my mail."

"Scratch the search team then, I should have called in a rescue squad to help dig you out from under the avalanche." Joe said with a smile and a slight chuckle.

Kel just sat there staring at the report.

Joe leaned forward and stared at his friend a moment, waiting for a response. With none fourth coming he continued on. "Of course right now with the big earthquake that hit all the squads are pretty tied up," Joe casually stated to see if his friend was actually paying attention. "Then again, they could be tied up with the alien invasion."

Absently nodding his head Kel agreed, "Yah, could be."

"Okay, so then it's decided. I'll start evacuating the staff and patients and you'll stay here and fight off the rampaging Klingons." Joe stood up to as if to leave. Still getting no response he walked over to the desk, "Earth to Dr Kelly Brackett."

Kel looked up at the mention of his full name, "Sorry Joe, I have a little bit of a situation here. Would you mind taking a look at this? The hospital in Montana, when they sent down Johnny and Roy's records, they pulled all of Johnny's records from when he was a kid. I want you to give a quick read over the first several entries and let me know if anything strikes you as strange," Kel said, sitting back in his chair and handing the file to Joe.

Joe scanned through the multi page file, "That some pretty heavy stuff in there. I would say that our young paramedic had been abused growing up. From some of the stuff described in there, I'm surprised he survived. And the age thing, that's pretty weird too."

"Age thing, what age thing?" Kel asked as he took the report back from Joe.

"Take a look at the dates and the corresponding ages. All the dates and ages from his previous records would seem to indicate that Johnny should be turning 21 this year, but his current records state he will be turning 25."

Kel flipped through the pages, "Your right Joe, the earlier records have him 4 years younger then the current record and our record."

"So which do you think is correct?"

"I'm not sure, but if the earlier ones are correct and he is only 20 years old then that would mean he was only 18 years old when he started the paramedic program."

"Is that going to cause any problems with his certification?"

"Well the Wedworth – Townsend Act didn't have any specifications on age, and he has never given me any reason to doubt his ability to get the job done."

"Good," Joe said with a satisfied smile. "Now speaking about getting the job done, I could really use your help out there, before I go find a supply closet to hide in."

Kel slid the reports back into envelop, stood up, and laid it down on his desk, "Lead on Dr. Needy….."


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you all for waiting so patiently and for the feedback. I just want to mention that it was pointed out that by my making Johnny only 20 that he would have had to been 14 when he entered the fire department because he had been a fireman 4 years before becoming a paramedic. I have to admit that I don't know the full canon of the show. I love the show and watch the dvd's all the time, but I don't get into all the details. So suffice to say, my stories are totally not canon._

_And now for the legalese: Please see the first chapter, because I really don't want to repeat it again._

_That being said, sit back and enjoy._

_**Chapter 3**_

_**SMACK**_, the large hand landed heavily across his right cheek knocking him to the floor. "Why in the hell did you go and tell your teachers I was the one who broke your ribs? You fell down the cellar steps."

_**SMACK.**_

"Why in the hell did you tell the doctors I cut you with my hunting knife? You were playing with it and tripped and fell"

_**SMACK**_

"Why in the hell did you tell the school nurse that you passed out because you hadn't had anything to eat in 24 hours? Maybe if you would have done your chores on time there would have been time to eat your dinner. And it is not my fault if you are so lazy and don't get up in time to have breakfast before school or pack your lunch."

"You're stupid." "You're lazy." "You're clumsy." "You're a liar." "I never touched you." "No one will believe you." "You're worthless."

Strongbow's words rang in Johnny's ears as he sat in the deserted diner and took a long draw on his cigarette. The sun, peeking over the horizon in the east, heralded a new day. A day that would take him back to his home in L.A. Back to friends that knew bits and pieces of his past and would want to know more. Wanting to know things that he wasn't suppose to tell. Wanting to know things that he had tried to tell others before, things that were always dismissed as him just being clumsy, stupid, lazy. Taking another drag on the cigarette, he laid it down in the ashtray, leaned back and blew the smoke toward the ceiling. Closing his eyes and running his hands through his unruly mop of dark brown hair, Johnny let out a long sigh.

"You look like you got the weight of the world on you son," a strong gruff voice standing next to him said. Johnny's eyes flew open and he scooted to the far side of the booth. Looking up he saw a mountain of a man standing next to him. Relaxing a bit he recognized the morning cook who had let him in before the diner opened. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you, just thought you might be hungry." The man said as he laid down a large plate of eggs, biscuits, bacon, and hash browns.

Johnny looked down at the plate and then up at the man, "Um, I didn't order anything."

"That's alright, I don't like to eat alone, so I figured if you wouldn't mind, you could keep me company. Would you like some coffee, got a fresh pot brewing."

"Yah, sure, that would be great." Johnny said as the man turned back toward the kitchen. The man emerged shortly after with two cups, a pot of coffee, another plate of food and silverware. Setting the plate and silverware down, he then sat the cups down and filled them with the rich dark coffee. Squeezing into the booth across from Johnny, the man stuck out his big beefy hand, "I'm Albert, but everyone just calls me Al"

"Johnny," he said as he shook the big man's hand.

"Where abouts are you from Johnny?" Al asked as he dug into his hearty breakfast.

"L.A." Johnny replied

"That's a pretty big place you're from. Went to L.A. once, too many people. Some one could get lost in a place like that."

"Sometimes getting lost is not all that bad." Johnny commented between mouthfuls of food.

"Yeah, well I guess that could be true. Course going to a big place like L.A. would be good for getting lost if you were trying to get away from someone; but, if you are trying to get away from something, then even the deepest darkest jungle won't hide you."

"Why do you say that?" Johnny asked, looking up from his half finished plate.

"As I see it, if someone is looking for you, they will eventually give up if they can't find you. Now if you are hiding from something, well a 'thing' is an inanimate object and it doesn't act on its own accord. Its going to always be there whether you go to the jungle, a big city, the desert, or even the moon."

"I don't think I follow." Johnny said as he sat down his fork and leaned back in the booth.

"Hmm, let me see if I can come up with an example." The big man thought for a few minutes, absently scratching his beard. "Okay, how about this. Let's say you were having fun one night with the guys and you were racing along some back roads and from out of nowhere another car appeared and you can't stop in time. The other person is killed, but you are fine. You can run from the cops and eventually the cops will give up on looking for you; but, you can't run from the fact that you killed someone."

"But what if it wasn't something that you did, but something that was done to you that you are trying to get away from."

"You could run and hid from the folks that did what ever to you, but what ever it was they did to you, you can't hide from that. That will always be with you."

"Then how does someone ever move past the past, and what if the past won't stay in the past, and what if the past threatens the present or even the future?"

"Whoa, whoa, son. Slow down." Al said holding his hands up and chuckling. "If you ask me the only way the past can threaten the present or even the future is if you aren't honest about it. If you got nothing to hide, then how can it be a threat?"

Johnny leaned forward intently, "So what you're saying is that I have to be honest about my past with those around me in order for it to no longer be a threat to my future." Johnny picked up the cigarette that had been lying idly in the ashtray and grew silent as he took a couple of puffs and blew out the smoke. Staring at the cigarette in his hand, his voice was quiet when he spoke again, "But what if I tell them, and they take it and use it against me. How do I know I can trust them?"

"Son as my pappy use to say, you got to put your trust in others and allow them to help you. Cause if you don't then you may as well head out into the desert and never come back." Al said as he pushed himself out of the booth. "Well, I better go open up. The regulars will be coming in any minute wanting their breakfast."

"Thanks, I have to get going myself. How much do I owe you?" Johnny said as he stubbed out the cigarette and reached for the wallet in his back pocket.

"It's on the house son. Remember, you didn't order anything." The big man smiled as he walked Johnny to the front door, "Good luck, Johnny, I hope you find what your looking for in L.A."

"Thanks Al," Johnny said as he shook the offered hand, "I think I already have." Looking toward the hotel where his best friend lay sleeping he smiled, "I just needed a reminder."

Heading back toward the hotel with a slight spring in his step, Johnny looked at his watch. 6 a.m., well Erin did say she wanted to get an early start and Roy did say he was anxious to see Joann and the kids again.

Quietly unlocking the door and slipping in he was surprised to find Erin awake, showered and dressed. She looked up from the suitcase she was repacking, "Hi Johnny, I was beginning to wonder when you were going to show up."

"Sorry, just needed to take a walk and do some thinking. You guys been up long?"

"Long enough for your partner to start to worry about you. I had to convince him to take a shower and give you a little time before he called out the state police. He just stepped in a few minutes ago." Erin gestured toward the door, "You might want to check in on him. He wouldn't say anything to me, but he seemed a little stiff when he got out of bed."

"Thanks," Johnny said grabbing his shaving kit and heading for the bathroom. Opening the door slightly he was greeted by a rush of steam. "Roy, it's Johnny. Mind if I come in and shave?"

"Johnny?" Roy's came voice from behind the curtain, "Where have you been?"

"I woke up early," Johnny shrugged as he fully entered the bathroom and laid his kit on the sink counter next to Roy's. "I didn't want to wake you two up so I took a walk."

"Sorry, I was just worried about you."

"It's all right, that's what partners are for, to look out for each other. Speaking of looking out for one another, Erin said you were a little stiff this morning. Everything okay? Be honest with me, no bullshit."

"Honestly," Roy said, pausing a moment to find the right words. "I feel like I pulled back to back patrols in the toughest terrain in Vietnam. I'm tired, and I'm sore. Have I felt worse? Yes. Do I feel lousy enough that I can't go on? No. Will I get better? You bet, as soon as I can get home to the loving arms of my wife and kids. So, how about you? How do you honestly feel?"

"Honestly Roy, I'm feeling pretty good. My shoulder still aches every now and then, but at least it isn't the constant ache."

"Good, I'm glad to hear that. Now we'd better get finished if we're ever getting back to L.A."

"You need any help?" Johnny asked as he got out his toothpaste and toothbrush.

"I think I can manage. Besides, Junior, I was bathing myself long before you were even born. But thanks for the offer."

"Any time Pally, any time." Johnny smiled as he put his toothbrush in his mouth.

The rest of the morning went smoothly and they were on the road by 7 a.m. as planned. Johnny suggested Erin take the wheel first and leave the driving into L.A. for him since he knew the roads there better. Erin definitely noted that Johnny was feeling much better, and as Roy napped in the back seat, Johnny filled Erin in on all his friends in the fire department and at the hospital. Erin marveled at how they all seemed to be one big family, and each man's family was part of that family, each supporting the other. Johnny explained that since they spent so much time together and relied so heavily on each other, that it was only natural that the line between coworker and family would blur.

Stopping just outside of L.A. to change drivers, they ate a quick lunch and Roy found a pay phone to call Joanne and let her know where they were. An hour later, Johnny neatly parked his Rover in one of the spots near Ramparts Emergency Room. Turning to look at Roy in the back seat, Johnny raised his eyebrows in question, "So you ready to head in?"

"The quicker we get it done, the quicker we can go home." Roy returned.

"Okay, but I'll tell you upfront, if I get Morton, I am going to turn around and walk right back out." Johnny said as they walked toward the entrance.

Entering through the smaller walk in door into the waiting room, they were instantly greeted by Joanne. Roy enveloped his wife into his arms and they just stood there holding each other. "God I missed you," Roy whispered into his wife's hair. "I could just stand here and hold you forever."

"Ditto," Joanne whispered back.

They heard a slight cough besides them. "I'm sorry Johnny, but you're going to have to wait your turn, I haven't finished hugging Roy yet." Joanne said with a smile.

"Well, um… uh… actually I was just going to introduce you to my cousin, Erin" Johnny stammered and blushed slightly.

Joanne released her right arm from around Roy's waist and offered her hand to the tall woman with long brunette hair standing next to Johnny. "Erin, thanks for bringing my guys back home."

"I was glad to help, besides it gave me some more time to get to know more about Johnny," Erin replied as she returned the hand shake.

"Well I better go tell the nurse that you two are here and to see if the doctors are free. It hasn't been that busy today thankfully." Joanne said as she gave Roy a quick kiss and Johnny a quick hug and kiss on his cheek. Johnny rubbed his cheek and blushed again.

A smiling Joanne returned a few minutes later, "You too are in luck, treatment room three is ready and waiting. Shall we?" she said as she gestured down the hall.

They were met by Dr's Brackett and Early in the hall way. "Well gentlemen, it's good to see you two up and moving around." Brackett said as he crossed his arms in front of his chest, trying to look stern despite the twinkle in his eyes. "Joanne, it's good to see you. I promise we will take good care of your husband. We just want to make sure there hasn't been any digression in his progress during the trip back here." Turning toward Erin he stuck out his hand, "I don't believe we've met."

"Oh, uh sorry Doc, this is my cousin, Erin Shaw. She's the Emergency Room nurse that first treated Roy, um… I mean Roy and me at the hospital up in Ft. Compass. Erin, this is Dr. Brackett and Dr. Early." Johnny said with a slight smile.

"Dr. Brackett, Dr. Early, it's a pleasure to meet you both. Johnny and Roy speak highly of you." Erin said as shook the hands of both the doctors.

"Ms. Shaw, thank you for accompanying our boys home. Hopefully they didn't give you too much trouble." Dr. Early said smiling.

"Nothing I couldn't handle." Erin replied, looking at Roy and Johnny.

"Well, lets get these two checked out then." Brackett suggested as he put his hands into the pockets of his lab coat. "Joe why don't you take Roy into exam room three and I'll take Johnny in four. Joanne, I bet Erin could use some coffee. Why don't you take her down to the cafeteria? I'll have someone come down and get you when we are done."

Johnny watched as Joanne reached up and kissed Roy on the cheek before heading toward the cafeteria with Erin. And as Roy followed Dr Early into exam room three, he turned and followed Brackett into four.

Brackett ran through the quick exam; checking Johnny's shoulder, sutures, head, and ribs. "Well Johnny, everything is looking pretty good. I would like you to take at least one more week off and if everything checks out again at that time, I'll release you back to regular duty."

"Great Doc, that will give me some time to show Erin around L.A. while she's visiting, and my Aunt Rose from Berkley is going to try come down." Johnny said, hopping down from the exam table.

"Is that Erin's mom?" Brackett asked.

"Nah, Erin and her parents didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things. They had a real thing against Indians. That's why she never knew about me. I guess their hatred and intolerance toward other races drove Erin out of the house. After graduating high school she left home and lived with Aunt Rose for a while. So Doc, can I go check in on Roy now."

"Well actually, there's something more I need to talk with you about." Brackett said as he shoved his hands deep into his pockets, looked down at the floor to gather his thoughts together and then back up at Johnny with a determined expression.

Johnny's stomach did a little flip flop and a worried look came over his face, "Sure Doc., what's up.

"Johnny, there's no easy way to say this, but when the hospital sent down your charts, they sent down all your charts. Including the ones from when you were a kid." Brackett paused and when he spoke again his voice came out steady and compassionate. "I know everything Johnny."

A look of panic came across Johnny's face as he leaned back heavily against the exam room table, his breaths quickening. Brackett stepped up and took his arm in concern. "Are you okay Johnny? Do you need to sit down?"

Johnny hung his head and shook it, his unruly mop of brown hair falling down into his face. Drawing in two slow and ragged breaths Johnny quietly asked, "Does anyone else know?"

"Just Dr. Early," Brackett paused, "he's the one that pointed out the age discrepancy."

"Age," Johnny's voice squeaked out, "age discrepancy?"

Brackett furrowed his brow, "Well our records have you listed as being 24 years old, but according to the chart notes when you were a kid, you should only be 20 years old."

This time Johnny did need to sit down as the panic washed over him, threatening to drown him. Brackett got him a glass of water and stood with a reassuring hand on Johnny's back as he slowly drank the water with shaking hands.

"Doc, are … are you … going to say anything to anyone about this?" Johnny looked up with a lost look in his eyes.

"No Johnny, I'm not. What is in your charts is doctor patient confidentiality. And as for your Paramedic Certification, you were 18 years old when you graduated the program, a legal adult. Joe and I both looked over the Wadsworth Townsend Act and the program guidelines; we couldn't find anything in either about age restriction. As far as I am concerned there is no issue with your certification. Now as for your status as a firefighter, I can't tell you anything about that. Johnny I can't make you tell anyone about any of this, but I personally think there are a few people you should trust and tell, the first being Roy"

Johnny continued to stare at his hands, "He already knows, and so does Joanne."

"Good. Have you thought about whether to tell Dixie, or your Captain?"

Johnny silently shook his head.

"Give it some thought, okay? I've got to get back out there before the place falls down. Dixie has been visiting her brother for the past week and you know how things can get when she is not around." Brackett said with a slight rise to the corner of his mouth.

"Doc, when is Dixie due back in town? I was thinking of stopping by and seeing her."

"She'll be back late tonight. Why don't you go home now and get some rest."

"Thanks Doc, … for everything."


	4. Chapter 4

_Thanks again for waiting so patiently and for the wonderful feed back. Just a word of warning on this chapter, it does have a scene of bulling in it, and the older boys do treat Johnny pretty rough. The flashback scene is italicized like this introduction is._

_The legalese was mentioned at the beginning of the story so please review it there, no use in repeating it here. _

Chapter 4

Johnny waved as Joanne, with Roy in the passenger seat, drove past him out of Rampart's parking lot. She had offered to make dinner if he and Erin wanted to come over, but he politely declined offering some excuse about just wanting to get back to his place and take a nap. The trip from the hospital to his apartment he really didn't remember. He drove on autopilot, one minute he was at the hospital and the next he was walking through the door to his apartment and rushing to the bathroom. It hit him like a ton of bricks. The nausea, the stomach cramps, the cold sweats. He sat on the cold linoleum, his arms tightly wrapped around his chest, and his knees pulled up. He had a vague since of someone kneeling next to him calling his name, one hand on his chest and the other on his wrist.

"Johnny," Erin called tentatively as she followed him into the bathroom. Kneeling down next to him she put her left hand on his chest while her right hand went to his wrist. "Johnny, can you hear me?" Respirations 26 and shallow, radial pulse 180 and weak. She didn't have her blood pressure cuff with her, but based on the pulse, it was certainly low. Bringing her hand up to his face she turned his head toward her. His skin was cool and moist, his pupils dilated, his eyes vacant. His whole body trembled. Okay he was most likely in shock, but why? She couldn't remember any trauma accruing to him today and the doctors would have surely noticed something if there had been.

"Johnny, come on Johnny I need you to respond to me." Erin said, speaking a little more forcefully. "Tell me what's going on."

"I," Johnny drew in a shuttering breath and let it out, "I was…. in charge, had to stay in control, had to get Roy back home…. Roy was hurt." Johnny looked at Erin, the hurt and anguish in his eyes overwhelming. "Roy got hurt because of me. I shouldn't have let him come to Montana with me. I shouldn't have let him come to that damn house with me. Strongbow could have killed him!" and with that Johnny leaned forward and lost the contents of his stomach in prayer to the porcelain god.

Erin reached up and got a washcloth off the towel bar and wet it down in the sink. She had to resist the urge to wipe his face for him as one would a child. Not only was he a grown man, but he had been taking care of himself for most of his life, long before any child should have to. She handed him the washcloth and sat next to him. Putting one hand on his back in comfort, she couldn't help but notice the involuntary twitch of the muscles in his back and the slight pulling away, the natural instincts of someone too use to hands dealing harsh punishment instead of support and comfort. As he buried his face into the cool washcloth she heard a mumbled, "Sorry".

"Johnny, there is nothing to be sorry for. You have been through some very traumatic events over the past several weeks. If you have been keeping all that bottled up inside you, then I am surprised you are not lying on this floor babbling like an idiot. It's okay to not be strong all the time. You were strong when it was needed. You got Roy home. He is safe now, you both are safe now."

"But it was because of me that Roy got hurt in the first place." Johnny said as he lowered the washcloth and leaned back against the wall. Eyes closed and head tilted back he let out a shaky breath. "When Strongbow was attacking me, he said that 'I was his to do with as he pleased, and that when he was done he would make sure I was dead'. I remember praying that he would just get tired of his sport and let me live. Then all of a sudden he was no longer attacking me. I knew that he had stopped attacking me because he was attacking someone else, I heard everything, but I couldn't move. I was so afraid that if I moved he would notice me again and kill me. It wasn't until he left that I was able to move. I didn't even know who he was attacking. I remember crawling over to the other person and discovering it was Roy. The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital with an O2 mask on my face."

Erin reached over and brushed the hair off his forehead. She was intrigued that he didn't flinch when she did that, maybe it was an old remembered comfort that his mother use to do. "From what I was told, and from what I saw when you came in to the ER, you are the only reason Roy is alive. If you hadn't stabilized that knife and kept it in place he wouldn't have survived. Several of the ambulance attendants are talking about you keeping the knife in place instead of removing it and how it saved his life. The two that brought you in, Bill and Jeff, are even talking with Dr Murphy about getting additional training so that they can help the patients better before they reach the hospital."

Johnny just sat there with his head leaned back against the wall, staring into space. Putting her hand on his shoulder, again the ever so slight flinch, Erin gently encouraged, "Why don't you go lay down for a little bit, you must be exhausted."

Drawing in another deep shuddering breath and then releasing it, Johnny nodded his head. Reaching out and clasping Erin's hand he levered himself into a standing position and would have fallen back to the floor if it hadn't been for Erin's arm quickly encircling his waist. Reaching out to steady himself with a hand on the wall, he quietly mumbled an apology again.

"No need to apologize, you just stood up a little too quickly. We'll just stand here for a moment until the dizziness subsides. Let me know when you are ready, no hurry."

After a few moments Johnny nodded his head again, "Okay, I can get it on my own now."

"Uh uh mister, you are not doing anything on your own." Erin said as she stood her ground. "Remember, I am the nurse here and until that blood pressure comes back up and your pulse back down, you are going to let me help you walk to the bedroom and lie down. I do not want to see you pass out on the floor."

Johnny hung his head slightly, "Sorry, just use to taking care of myself"

"Well, you have people in your life now who care about you and who want to help you. You need to start learning how to let them help you and trust that when they do offer to help, that they are not going to hurt you." Looking up into Johnny's face, his eyes were tightly closed and his brow furrowed in deep thought; Erin stood there, not backing away, but also not pressing the issue. Without a word he opened his eyes and transferred the weight of his body from the arm propped against the wall to the one draped over Erin's shoulder. Slowly the two of them exited the bathroom and made their way to the bedroom.

By the time they made the few short steps to the bedroom, Johnny felt as if he had walked a mile. Lying back on the bed, he threw his arm over his eyes, blocking out the light and the world. He would rest for about a half an hour, that's all, he said to himself as the darkness of sleep overcame him.

Erin walked to the door of the room and turned to look at the sleeping figure on the bed. Shaking her head and smiling at how quickly he fell asleep she turned out the light and shut the door. Walking back into the bathroom, she cleaned up the mess and then headed into the small kitchen/dining room/living room area. Looking at her watch she noticed that it was only about 4 p.m., Aunt Rosa should be home. Going over to the couch she sat down and picked up the handset and dialed zero for the operator.

"Yes, I would like to make a person to person collect call to Rosamond Gage, Berkley California, from Erin Shaw" she said to the operator and gave her the phone number. In a few moments her aunt's voice came over the line and accepted the call. "Aunt Rosa, hi, I made it to L.A. We got in about 12 noon."

"How was the trip, dear?" came Rosa's voice from over the receiver.

"It was good, very uneventful. I know Johnny and his friend Roy were both really glad to get home. Johnny is feeling really bad about Roy having been hurt by his stepdad. He got back to his apartment and literally collapsed. I finally convinced him to lie down and he was out like a light." Erin said looking toward the closed bedroom door.

"I'm glad to hear that he is resting. Don't forget to take care of yourself too dear. How long are you planning to stay?"

"I have 7 more days and then I need to fly back. Dr. Murphy said that if I stayed away any longer then that, I would come back to find him committed to the mental wing and the E.R. in a shambles. Are you going to be able to come down before I have to head back?" Erin asked with a hint of hope in her voice.

"But of course dear, do you think I would really miss coming to see you? And I can't wait to meet Johnny. Barbara wants to come too; do you think it would be a problem?" Rosa asked, a little concerned that her and her life partner would not be accepted.

Erin smiled into the phone, "I don't think you should have any problem as far as that is concerned Aunt Rosa. On the way down here I got a chance to know Roy a little better and found out that he and his wife and two kids belong to the Unitarian Universalist Church here. Johnny even goes with them when he is not off hiking somewhere on the weekend."

"Good, I didn't want to make any waves. We hope to head down there on Friday after Barbara finishes with her regulars at the clinic. We'll probably be there about dinner time. Well, I got to go dear; can't wait to see you. We'll give you a call when we get into town. Give Johnny our love"

"Love you Aunt Rosa," Erin said before placing the phone back in the cradle. Heading into the kitchen she investigated the cupboards and refrigerator. It looked like old Mother Hubbard's kitchen, bare. Remembering a small grocery store that they had passed a couple blocks away, Erin grabbed the keys to the Rover and headed out.

Planning out meal ideas in her head for the next couple days, she made short work in gathering the supplies needed, checking out, and heading back to the small apartment. After putting the items away her stomach reminded her that it was getting close to dinner. She debated about waking Johnny, or just letting him sleep. Quietly opening the door to the bed room she saw the still form laying on the bed. The only difference was his arm was now at his side instead of over his eyes. Tiptoeing into the room, Erin gently took the bedspread and wrapped it around him, cocooning him in the warmth of the blanket. Exiting the room she closed the door behind her. After preparing a quick dinner for herself, she settled on the couch to read her book.

_Johnny tried to squirm out of the grasp of the larger boys as they slid the flour sack down over his body, pushed his head through the whole they had cut in the top, and tied it securely around his waist, effectively trapping his hands at his sides. They then shoved a rag into his mouth to muffle any cries of protest. One of the boys pushed him hard and he stumbled and fell. With out his hands to break his fall, his head hit the ground leaving him dizzy. He closed his eyes, willing them to just go away and leave him a lone. But as he heard the boys talk he knew that they were just getting started as several of them threw out suggestions of what to do to the "white boy who thought he was one of The People." It had been the first day of school and some of the bigger eighth grade boys decided to have a "little fun" with their favorite target. They had waited for him that evening after track practice and jumped him, dragging him back behind the school's maintenance shack. One of the boys produced a jar of lard and smeared it all over his face and then dumped a bag of flour over his head making his skin "white like it should be". Then another boy produced a string of firecrackers and tucked it into the waist band of his shorts. While one boy held his shoulders down and another held his legs down, the third lit the string. Johnny's body twitched and jerked with the pain of the small firecrackers igniting and exploding on his thighs and groin. The boy holding his legs down released them and stepped back exclaiming, "Aw man, he pissed himself". "Maybe he was trying to put the firecrackers out with his 'fire hose'," laughed another. "Hey I got an idea; let's see if we can help poor Johnny put the firecrackers out. Tuck another string into his pants, I want to see if my 'fire hose' can put them out." "I'm not going to hold him down while you pee on him, besides I want to try too." "Why don't we tie him to the flagpole out front?" Roughly grabbing Johnny and hauling him to his feet the boys dragged him to the flagpole and tightly bound him in place. Producing more strings of firecrackers the boys took turns aiming their 'fire hoses' at him and trying to extinguish the firecrackers. After what seemed like an eternity, the boys left and went home for supper; leaving Johnny tied to the flagpole. It was there that Strongbow found him shortly before midnight, still trussed up in the sack, his face still caked in flour and lard, his clothes now only damp but stinking of urine. He remembered Strongbow cussing him out for not being home to watch out for his sisters. Strongbow had cut the ropes binding him to the flagpole and threw him in to the bed of the pickup truck. Arriving back home he was hauled in through the back door into the kitchen and tossed down the cellar steps. With the sack still restraining his hands by his side he was again helpless to break his fall as his head hit the stairs several times on the way down. The last thing he remembered was Strongbow threatening to deal with him tomorrow as he shut and locked the door, plunging Johnny into darkness._

Johnny woke with a start to a dark room, the door closed, and his hands trapped at his side. His mind went back to the cellar, laying there with his arms trapped, in the dark room and the locked door. Panicking, he tried to wiggle free of his confines. Rolling to the side, the binding got tighter and then all of a sudden he was falling. Unable to stop himself he crashed to the floor. He couldn't cry out despite the pain, if Strongbow heard him then there would be even more pain. Lying quietly on the floor, unable to move, he waited for the pain to subside.

Hearing a loud thump from the bedroom, Erin startled awake from where she had fallen asleep on the couch reading he book. Sitting on the edge of the couch, she listened for a few more minutes; not hearing anything she quietly walked to the bedroom door. Leaning against the door she softly called, "Johnny?"

"'M kay, Amy. Jus fell down. Go back ta bed fore Strongbow catches you." Came the quiet voice from the other side of the door. Erin sighed, and slowly opened the door. Roy had told her that Johnny had been having nightmares recently. She found Johnny wrapped in the comforter curled up on his side. "Johnny, it's just a nightmare. You're okay." Reaching out to put her hand on his shoulder he flinched back, curling tighter into himself. Rethinking her approach she slowly moved her hand to his forehead and gently brushed his hair off his forehead. "Time to wake up Johnny, you're okay now." she said in a soothing repetitive tone.

Slowly his breathing evened out and he rolled on to his back, "Damn." There was a long pause, "I though I was back on the Rez. I panicked because I couldn't get my hands free."

"Here, let me help you get untangled from the covers." Erin said as she reached over and untucked the blanket. Johnny shook the rest of the covers off and sat up with his back against the bed. His knees pulled up in front of him and his forearms resting on his knees. Erin sat cross legged facing him.

Slowly Johnny finished the story, "Strongbow had left me tied up in the cellar and I was afraid he was going to come back and beat me. I was late getting home from school to take care of Amy and Anna because some boys had decided to have some fun at my expense. When they were done, they left me tied up to the flag pole. I couldn't get loose, so that's where Strongbow found me around midnight. It had been a Friday night so Strongbow left me tied up down in the cellar until Sunday evening. I think he wanted to tan my hid when he came down, but because I had been tied up, I wasn't able to relieve myself in the corner like I usually did, so I was pretty filthy. He undid the sack that was holding my hands to my side then told me to go upstairs and into the back yard and strip. He came out a few minutes later and handed me a bar of soap and the garden hose and told me to clean up and then come inside and fix the family dinner. He threw me one of his old stained t-shirts that hung on me like a tent. I fixing the rest of them dinner and then I went back out and cleaned my clothes and hung them up to dry so I would have something to wear tomorrow. After I cleaned my clothes I went back in to clean up the dinner dishes, hoping that Strongbow had left some food for me. As usual, he had dished out all the food to himself and the girls and took some to mom who was on bed rest. Thankfully Amy always left some food behind on her plate."

With all the talking of food, Johnny's stomach grumbled, reminding him he had missed dinner. "What time is it?" He said while rubbing his eyes.

"About 4 am. Why don't we head into the other room and I'll get us something to eat?" Erin said as she stood up and extended her hand to Johnny.

"Thanks," Johnny replied, grabbing the offered hand and standing up. "But I don't think there will be too much in there to eat."

"Don't worry about it," Erin smiled as she headed into the kitchen, "I made a grocery run while you were a sleep.

Soon Erin had eggs and bacon and toast and two cups of coffee made. "So what are your plans for the day?" she asked as they sat at the table.

"Well, I was thinking about going over and visiting a friend who has been away on vacation. She's someone who I should tell about the whole age thing."

"Oh, is she someone special?" Erin said with a sly smile.

"Yes, I … I… me…mean no, not like that." Johnny stammered with a slight blush. "We aren't seeing each other or anything. She's one of the nurses at the hospital who helped start the Paramedic program. Listen, I was also thinking about going over to Roy's to check up on him and say hi to the kids. Do you want to go with me? You could stay and get to know Roy's family while I go visit my friend."

"Sounds like a good plan. Oh by the way I talked with Aunt Rosa and she and Barbara want to come down and meet you this Friday and stay the weekend. She is so excited."

"I can't wait to meet them too. Maybe we could all go check out that property Jack left me. We could have a picnic after and I can invite the guys from the station."

"That would be wonderful." Looking at her watch, Erin stood up and stretched. "After I get these dishes cleaned up, I think I'll go take a shower."

Johnny stood up too, "At the station we have a rule; the person who cooks does not do the dishes. You cooked, I'll clean up, and you go take your shower. There are extra towels under the sink."

"Okay, I can accept that." Erin said as she handed her plate to Johnny, grabbed a change of clothes out of her suitcase and headed into the bathroom.

Johnny gathered the rest of the dirty dishes and as he washed and dried them, he contemplated how to tell Dixie that he was really only 18 years old when they made love and not 22 like she thought.


	5. Chapter 5

_Thanks again for waiting so patiently, hopefully you all have not forgotten me. __**Major warning **__on this chapter, it is very __**NOT**__ cannon. I know that according to the show Johnny had 4 years in service before becoming a paramedic, but mine only has him at two and ½ to three years before becoming a paramedic. This chapter also has a Johnny/Dixie scene that is very intimate. The flashback scene is italicized like this introduction is. I tamed it down some as I want this to remain under the k-t rating. The scene is actually a stand alone story I wrote that is titled "That Night" and the full version of that story can be read under the mature section. _

_The stats show that several folks are hitting and reading my story, but as always Feedback "feeds" the writers. We live for it and love to have it, so please leave feedback if you can. Thanks._

_The legalese was mentioned at the beginning of the story so please review it there, no use in repeating it here. _

Chapter 5

A little after lunch, Johnny called over to Roy and Joanne's to see if it would be okay for him and Erin to drop by to say hi to the kids and to check in on Roy. Joanne assured him that it would be no problem at all and that Chris and Jennifer were dying to see him. And sure enough as soon as his white Rover pulled into the driveway two balls of energy came tumbling out of the DeSoto's front door.

"Uncle Johnny! Uncle Johnny! Mom, Dad, Uncle Johnny's here." Two happy voices shouted as they ran to the driver's side door. No sooner had Johnny stepped from the car and closed the door then two sets of hands grabbed his arms and started pulling him toward the house. "Come on Uncle Johnny. Come play catch with me. Come color with me." The two voices excitedly tumbled over each other.

Johnny stopped his forward progression and held up his hands, "Whoa, Whoa, easy now. Slow down. First of all, how about a hug?" he said as he squatted down to their level and held his arms out. He was rewarded as two small bodies wrapped their arms around his neck, his arms encircling them in a big hug. "Secondly, I didn't come alone, I brought a friend."

Two sets of eyes peered over his shoulders at the tall woman standing next to the passenger door of the Rover. A very serious faced Jennifer turned back and looked at Johnny. "Is she your girl friend?" "Jenny!" Chris hissed at his sister, "You aren't suppose to ask grown ups things like that."

Johnny grinned one of his crooked grins and patted Chris' shoulder, "Its okay champ, your sister didn't mean any disrespect by it. And as for you princess," Johnny said as he reached over and ruffled Jennifer's hair, "You will always be my number one girl." Standing up he turned and stood behind the two kids, putting a hand on each of their shoulders, "Jenny, Chris, I would like for you to meet my cousin Erin. Erin, these are Roy's kids, Jenny and Chris."

"It's nice to meet you; Johnny and your dad have told me a lot about you. When you two came out, you had mentioned coloring and catch; can I get in on that too?" Erin said as she came forward.

Jenny walked over and stood in front of her and looked up, "Can you draw princesses? Uncle Johnny draws good unicorns, but he's not too good at princesses."

Erin squatted down in front of the little girl to look at her eye to eye, "Can the princesses have big puffy dresses with lots of bows and can she have long hair?"

"You do know how to draw princesses," Jenny said with big happy eyes.

Erin stood up and gestured toward the house, "Well, let's go find those crayons then."

Jenny reached up and took Erin's hand, leading her toward the door. Johnny and Chris fell in step behind. They were greeted at the door by Joanne who ushered them in side. "Erin, it's good to see you again, I see you have met Chris and Jenny."

"Yes, in fact, Jenny was going to show me where the crayons are so I can help her draw some princesses."

"Jennifer Ann, I thought I told you to get your chores done first. I still see the games you and your brother got out this morning all over the family room, and I am sure you haven't put away your laundry that I sat out on your bed either. Chris you can help put away the games and put your laundry up too." Joanne held up her hand as she saw to mouths drop in protest, "Erin will be here most of the afternoon so I am sure you will have plenty of time to play after your chores are done. Now scoot."

"Yes mom/mommy," came the 'put upon' unison response as the two turned and trudged to the family room to pick up the mess.

Joanne turned to Erin and Johnny, "Can I interest you in something to drink?"

"I'll just have water please," Erin replied.

"Milk? Oh and have you got anything to snack on, I'm famished." Johnny asked.

"Didn't we just eat lunch before coming over?" Erin asked somewhat surprised.

"Well, yeah, but that was, what, two hours ago?"

Joanne smiled, "You obviously haven't seen this guy in action. I swear he has a hollow leg. You know where the food is," she said as she turned to Johnny and nudged him toward the refrigerator. "I'm not your waitress."

"Thanks Jo." Johnny said with his head buried in the contents of the fridge, pulling out various sandwich making items.

"When you are done you can take your plate out back, Roy is on the patio hopefully sitting and enjoying the sun and not up trying to fix something." Turning to Erin she gestured toward the back door, "Why don't you go out back and make sure Roy is taking it easy, and I'll bring your water out."

Erin opened the door and stepped out into the De Soto's back yard. It wasn't very big, but it had a nice old large Oak tree dominating the back right corner. The cement patio was just large enough to comfortably accommodate six chairs on one of which Roy sat fiddling with a remote control car.

Roy looked up as he heard the back door open. "Hey Erin, I presume my wayward partner is in raiding the fridge. You wouldn't know how to fix remote control cars would you?" he asked holding up the broken toy.

"Sorry Roy, my area of expertise is putting people back together and fixing them." Erin smiled as she sat down in the chair next to him. "So how are you doing?"

"Doing great, it's good to be home. How's Johnny doing?"

"Okay I guess. Physically he is doing well, but he's still having nightmares. Those, I am sure are going to take a lot longer to go away."

"I just wish there was more I could do for him."

"Being there for him to talk to and encouraging him to open up more to others should help." Erin suggested. "I know he plans on going over to talk to someone named Dixie after visiting here."

"I hope I can convince him to talk to our Cap., Captain Stanley. He's a pretty straight forward kind of guy. He's always said he has an open door policy. Speaking of open doors," Roy said as noticed Joanne juggling three glasses of water while holding the door open for Johnny who had a plate full of food and a tall glass of milk in his hands. Gingerly standing up he stepped over and took two of the glasses, "Here Jo, let me help you with that."

"So what's this about 'open doors'?" Joanne asked as she settled into the seat next to Roy.

"I was just telling Erin that Cap has a pretty good open door policy and that I thought Johnny should talk with him and let him know what the situation is."

Johnny, who had just taken a bite out of his sandwich, looked up with big eyes, "You can't be serious, tell Cap? If I tell him that I am only 20 and that I joined the fire department when I was only 16 he'll have to tell headquarter and they will have me out of there so fast my head will spin."

"I think you are underestimating Captain Stanley, Johnny. I think if you went to him 'off the record' that he will hear you out. Besides your record is exemplary and you said that Doctor Bracket doesn't have any problem with you Paramedic credentials."

"I don't know Roy; I mean what if he is obligated to report it?"

"How about while you are over talking with Dixie I call Cap and feel him out for you. I have to call and let him know what Doc Early said about my time frame for returning to work anyway."

Johnny sat and thought about it for a moment, "Well, I guess… I mean if you have to call him anyway, I guess it wouldn't hurt to feel him out."

"Good then its decided." Roy said as he picked up his glass and took a long drink of the cool water.

The adults chatted for a little longer before being invaded by the kids who proclaimed themselves chore free. Erin was taken in hand by Jenny and brought to a table filled with crayons and paper for a princess drawing session. Johnny borrowed Roy's baseball glove and tossed a few with Chris before making his excuses and heading over to Dixie's.

Johnny arrived at Dixie's apartment 30 minutes later. Standing in front of her door he nervously wiped his moist hands on his jeans before reaching up and knocking on the door. Panic sat in and he turned to high tail it out of there when the door opened. Dixie stood there with her hair pulled back into a pony tail. She didn't have any make up on and she wore white pedal pushers and a golden yellow peasant top. Johnny's heart leapt into his throat and his pulse picked up. 'God she's gorgeous', he thought to himself.

"Hey handsome," Dixie smiled, "I hope you weren't planning on playing doorbell ditch."

"Huh?" Johnny said as his brains turned to mush, "What? Oh, ah, no, um, I was, um…"

"Why don't you come on in and I'll get you something to drink, would you like some wine? I just brought back some wonderful flavors that a friend of my brother makes." Dixie said as she headed toward the kitchen.

"Actually, could I have a glass of water?" Johnny said as he nervously walked into the apartment and closed the door behind him.

"Sure," came the reply from the kitchen, "make yourself at home, I'll be right there."

Coming back into the living room she handed Johnny the glass of water and sat down on the couch, tucking her legs up underneath her. "So, how's my favorite paramedic doing?"

Johnny took a long drink of the cool water. It was now or never. "Dix, I need to talk you about some pretty heavy stuff. I don't know how to go about this so I'll just start at the beginning…."

EEEEEEEEEEEE

Dixie gave Johnny a gentle hug and closed her apartment door behind him. Leaning against the door, she closed her eyes and replayed their conversation in her head. Johnny had come over saying he needed to talk. He had sat on the couch and told her about his and Roy's trip to Montana and about his childhood and the abuse that he had endured at the hands of his stepfather. He told her of how Jack and Carol Kemp had saved him and how he came here to L.A. Then he told her that when he came to L.A. he had changed his age and not by just a couple months or a year, but by 4 years. Dixie sank to the floor and put her head in her hands. That meant that when he entered the paramedic program he was really only 18 years old, and that when they were celebrating his 23rd birthday at her apartment they were really only celebrating his 19th birthday. The party was really an excuse to get everyone together to 'celebrate' the paramedic program so it was several weeks before Johnny's actual birthday. That meant that he was still technically only 18 years old when they had the party. That meant that he was only 18 years old when she and he…..

EEEEEEEEEEEE

_The party had been going really well. Joe was having fun at the piano; if he wasn't so talented as a doctor he would have made one hell of a jazz musician. Dixie smiled, if she had time she would have to remember to sing a couple songs with Joe. She loved singing and Joe said she had 'that sultry, smoky kind of voice that lent itself well to jazz'. But for the moment she was playing the gracious hostess passing amongst the crowd with a plate of appetizers. Since it was Johnny's upcoming birthday they were celebrating she stopped by him first. He was making time with the new girl Deloris; who worked the 7-3pm shift in the ER._

_Johnny dug into the plate like he had never eaten before. Dixie joked with Deloris that the way to Johnny's heart was through his stomach. Johnny smiled, took another swig of his beer and swayed a little. How many beers had he drunk? Dixie watched him for a moment. She was definitely going to need to make sure he had a ride home, she thought as she continued on with the tray. Mike had asked her if they would be able to hear her phone as he was expecting a phone call from Sacramento, hopefully another reason to celebrate. She had just reached Roy and his lovely wife Joanne when the door bell rang. Roy offered to take the tray for her._

_Johnny watched as Dixie went to answer the door. He had watched her through the evening. It was hard to keep his eyes off her in that tight fitting pink top. He was nervous. He still didn't know how to act in large groups. He was never one much for drinking, but everyone in the room had drinks so he had decided to have one too. Of course, everyone in the room had to be at least on average 10 years older than him. Even Roy, at the age of 26 was 8 year older than him. Of course everyone there "celebrating his birthday" 3 weeks early, thought it was his 23rd birthday and not his actual 19th birthday. It wasn't until the second, or was it the third beer that he really started to relax._

_Dr. Kelly Brackett walked into the room with a smile that went straight to Dixie's heart. It was no secret that the two of them were an item. Dixie had hoped that a casual atmosphere would loosen up Kel to listen to the merits of the paramedic program. Unfortunately, the "set up" did not work and his stubborn streak reared its' ugly head. She had asked him to stay and he left stating that they must not really understand each other at all. It had hurt and Dixie spent the rest of the evening on auto pilot being the gracious host. Slowly the crowd dwindled, the Chief, Mike, Roy and Joanne, the other nurses and firemen, with Joe bringing up the end. All except Johnny who quietly offered to stay and help clean up._

_Johnny could tell that Dixie had been upset and possibly hurt when she had come back in from talking to Brackett in the hall. He had wanted to take her in his arms right then and tell her she was too good for Dr. Brackett. That she was pretty and smart and kind and any man would be a fool to let her slip through his hands. But Johnny didn't have much experience talking with girls, let alone women. Oh sure, since he had arrived in L.A. 4 years ago at the age of 14 he had "been" with several of the girls at the commune where Nick, Carol's hippie brother lived and where he had lived before joining the fire academy. The commune was very open about the body and clothing was not an option often taken with in the walls of the compound. Several of the girls took it upon themselves to educate him on the many pleasures and wonders of the body. They were very much into free will and self expression. Johnny smiled one of his little half grins. He probably knew more about pleasuring a woman than all the men who were in the room combined. Unfortunately the one thing he didn't know how to do was to talk to a woman, so he quietly offered to help clean up._

_After everyone left, Dixie tried to busy her mind with the chore of cleaning up. Kel had made her so mad. He could be so stubborn at times. Maybe he was right, maybe they didn't know each other very well, maybe they weren't meant for each other, maybe she should start seeing other guys. With determination on her mind Dixie turned sharply toward the kitchen with a loaded tray of half filled glasses and ran smack into Johnny, dumping the entire contents down his front._

_Dixie stepped back and put her hand to her mouth. Johnny stood there, the entire front of his suit dripping wet. "Oh my god Johnny, I am so sorry. I didn't even look where I was going." Dixie looked up to see a battle of emotions play across his face. Predominately there was shock and fear. She reached out to touch his arm and he shrank back, panic replacing fear. The nurse mode kicked in, "Johnny, are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?"_

_The soft female voice brought Johnny back to the present from a time when he would have been beaten mercilessly by his step father for making such a mess. Johnny blinked twice, looked at Dixie and then at the mess at his feet. "I'm sorry. I'm fine," he mumbled, "I'll help you get this cleaned up then I better get going."_

_Dixie placed her hands on her hips, "You won't be going anyplace like that." She said smiling and pointing to his sopping shirt and pants. "Why don't you go into my bathroom and take a quick shower while I throw those into the laundry. I'll leave a blanket on my bed for you to wrap up in until they are clean."_

_Johnny looked at the mess again, "You sure you don't need help getting this cleaned up?"_

_"You worry about getting yourself cleaned up. Now get." She said, shoeing him toward the bathroom. "The towels are clean. Just leave your clothes in the sink." Dixie bent down and started picking up now empty glasses. Thankfully none of them broke. She heard the shower start and went in to the bed room and laid a warm blanket on the bed. Looking down at her own clothes that had gotten splattered she quickly slipped out of them and into an old t-shirt and shorts. She quietly slipped into the bathroom and grabbed Johnny's shirt, pants and underwear and bundled them up with hers. Walking down the hall of the apartment complex to the laundry room she placed the clothes in the machine and started it washing._

_Back in the apartment Johnny had finished his shower and was drying off when he heard Dixie return. He slipped the blanket she had left for him over his shoulders so as to hide the multitude of scars that crisscrossed his back, buttocks, and upper thighs. Walking into the main room he spotted Dixie on her hands and knees mopping up the mess on the floor. Her soft blond hair cascaded around her face, the light blue t-shirt clinging to her like a second skin, the shorts riding up far enough to expose a tan line. Walking over to her he crouched down beside her and placed his hand on her shoulder. "Let me finish this," he said reaching out with his other hand and taking the sponge. The front of the blanket falling apart, revealing in shadows Johnny's lean form._

_Dixie sat there a minute, unable to move, unable to tear herself away from the possibilities. Slowly she leaned forward and kissed him. The warmth of Johnny's mouth enveloped her. She felt her shirt slowly and gently being lifted. Separating briefly she pulled the shirt the rest of the way off. His hands, rough with calluses flittered over her body. Carefully he laid her back on the floor, returning her passionate kiss. In a moments time, her shorts were off and laying beside her with her t-shirt. His hand returned to its' exploration as his mouth sought out hers'. A gasp escaped from her as his fingers found their mark. Her body arched off the ground in a pleasure filled cry and then trembled in ecstasy. Panting and trembling, Dixie wrapped her arms around Johnny and the blanket that still covered his back. Giving him a long passionate kiss she rolled him over onto his back and stared down into his dark brown eyes._

_With a bit of a mischievous smile she leaned close to his ear and whispered; "Now it's my turn." Looking into his eyes she was surprised to see panic there. Misinterpreting, she smiled and reassured him, "Don't worry, I'm protected. I'm not ready to have babies yet." He couldn't tell her that he had never been inside a woman before. Yes, he had pleasured them before and they had pleasured him, but since the girls at the commune could not afford protection, intercourse was frowned upon. The sensations were new and extremely pleasurable. It also seemed to be pleasurable for Dixie too as her breaths matched his in increased intensity. The intensity built until he thought it couldn't possibly get any stronger, then that moment hit and overwhelmed him to the point his body released itself with an intensity he had never known before. It left his body shaking, trembling, and unable to make a sound. His mind feeling like his body was controlling him._

_Dixie collapsed onto his chest, her energy spent. Taking hold of the edges of the blanket, Johnny wrapped his arms and the blanket around her. Dixie closed her eyes as the warmth of their bodies and the steady beating of their hearts lulled her to sleep._

_The next morning Dixie awoke with a start as the nights events replayed themselves in her mind. Sitting up she look down at the sleeping form next to her. He seemed so young….._

EEEEEEEEEE

…So young. Jesus, Dixie thought to herself, he had only been 18, 18 years old! She was technically old enough to be his mother. Dixie groaned, stood up and walked over to the kitchen. She needed a drink. Pouring herself a glass of wine she walked over and sat down at the table. The table where they had eaten breakfast the next day; the table where they both agree that it was a one time thing. Taking a drink, she remembered the almost shy look on his face as he thanked her for showing him a pleasure he had never know before. She had dismissed it at the time, but now realization hit her like a ton of bricks, she had been his first.


	6. Chapter 6

_The scene with Johnny sitting out side Hank's house is the scene that started this whole story. No major alerts for this chapter accept I know it is not cannon. _

_The stats show that several folks are hitting and reading my story, but as always Feedback "feeds" the writers. We live for it and love to have it, so please leave feedback if you can. Thanks._

_The legalese was mentioned at the beginning of the story so please review it there, no use in repeating it here. _

Chapter 6

"You did WHAT!" Johnny exclaimed as he looked in disbelief at Roy.

"When I called and talked with Cap at the station to check in with him, he asked how you were doing and I mentioned that you wanted to discuss some things with him. I told him you didn't feel comfortable talking at the station and wanted it to be 'off record'. He suggested you could come over to his place tomorrow afternoon after he has had a chance to rest up and before the girls get home from school. So I told him you would be there around one o'clock." Roy said as he leaned slightly forward and rested his forearms on his knees.

Johnny stood stock still for a moment, then opened his mouth and held up his right pointer finger as if ready to make a counter argument, and then he closed his mouth, turned and walked a few steps to the door, stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose. When he turned back and looked at Roy, his eyes held a look of total panic in them and his voice sounded so lost, "Now why did you have to go and do that?"

Roy stood up and walked over to Johnny, "Because if I didn't, you never would have. He needs to know Johnny. What if something happens and this whole age thing does get out." Johnny dropped his head into his hands and he stumbled back a couple steps until his back was to the wall. His knees felt like they were going to collapse at any moment. Roy stepped forward and put his hand on Johnny's shoulder, "Johnny, look at me." Slowly Johnny raised his head, "You need to tell him your side of the story. He's a good man, you can trust him."

Trust, there in lies the crux of the situation. How do you trust someone with something that could destroy your life? How do you trust someone, when growing up, the only thing you could be certain of in life was an empty stomach and a thorough beating? How do you trust someone when you are only just learning to trust yourself? But, he trusted Roy, trusted him implicitly, and Roy said that he could trust Captain Stanley. Hadn't Cap told him once that he had an open door policy and that he could always trust him? Johnny drew in a deep breath and let it out, "All right."

"Good," Roy nodded, "now why don't we go in and see what the girls are fixin for dinner."

"Roy," Johnny said as his friend reached the back door. Roy stopped and turned as Johnny continued, "I just wanted to say thanks. You know, for everything."

"You're welcome Johnny,… for everything," Roy stood there and smiled at his friend.

"Ah, Roy…."

"Yes Johnny?"

"Aren't you going to go inside? I'm kind of hungry here you know."

Roy smiled again and shook his head, "Sure Junior, let's go eat."

After dinner, Johnny and Erin headed back to his place. Sleep didn't come easy for Johnny and he tossed and turned most of the night. The morning dragged on and Erin had to encourage Johnny to eat. Finally, after a well timed call from Roy urging him to keep his appointment with Captain Stanley, Johnny headed out.

A short while later, Johnny sat in his Land Rover outside the little one story house, staring at the front door, trying to build up the courage to go up and knock on the door. He had never been to his Captain's house before. He still wasn't sure if he should be there now. This was crazy, he should just turn around and head back home. He could always just tell Cap that he had car trouble and couldn't make it. And if Cap asked what he needed to talk about, he could just tell him that it was nothing and that Roy was making a big deal out of nothing. Yeah that was the ticket, reaching forward he turned the key in the ignition.

Inside the house Hank stood at the front window looking out at the white Land Rover sitting at the edge of the drive. "How long is the twit going to sit out there?" He muttered to himself.

"Well, why don't you go on out there and invite him in?" Maggie Stanley said startling him from behind.

"Lordy woman, how long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to know that a certain young man out there probably feels like a jack rabbit sitting outside a coyote's den. You told me once that not long after you started at 51 you had an interesting talk with Johnny and were surprised to find out that he had been leery of you because he thought you hated Indians. You had told him at that point your door is always open. I suggest you go open your door."

"I always knew you were the smarter one," he said as he kissed her on the head and walked toward the door.

Hank opened the door and heard the Land Rover's engine turn over. Casually strolling over to the vehicle he leaned into the passenger side window. He could feel the tension emanating from the young man sitting in the driver's seat as the hands gripping the steering wheel tightened until he was sure the thing would break in half.

"Hey John, thought I heard you pull up. Why don't you come on in? I have some cold beers in the fridge, we can grab one and head out to the patio."

Johnny jumped slightly at the sound of his Captain's voice. "Oh, hey, uhh, umm, hi Cap…I mean Captain. Sorry, I didn't see you there. Yeah, sure. Umm, let me just, just, umm turn off the car." Johnny stammered as he shut off the engine and hopped out of the car, dropping the keys on the ground.

"Damn." Johnny swore softly as he bent to pick the errant keys up.

"Twit." Hank said even softer as he shook his head and turned toward the house.

Whipping his sweaty hands on his pants legs, Johnny slowly followed his captain in to the house. The front room was a small living room with a couch, two chairs and a big floor console television set. It must have been at least a 27 inch tube. Standing against another wall was a gun case with three rifles resting in it. Johnny involuntarily took a step away from the case, his heart hammering in his chest as he heard the echoing rapports of gun shots fired at the fleeing form of a painfully skinny bare footed little boy caught picking apples from a white man's farm.

"John?" he jumped slightly at the sound of his name as a small feminine hand came to rest on his arm. Wide anxious eyes darted down to the smiling face of Maggie. "Why don't you go out to the back patio, hon, and I'll send Hank out with a couple beers."

Swallowing nervously, he looked over to his captain and then back to his captain's wife again. "If it's all the same Mrs. Stanley, ma'am, may I have a glass of milk instead?"

"Sure John, that's fine. I'll send Hank right out with them. Oh, and John, It's just Maggie. I get enough 'Ma'ams and Mrs. Stanleys' from the kids at school"

"Thank you Ma'…., I mean Maggie. I'll just wait out back."

Maggie chuckled as she went into the kitchen, "He certainly is a polite young man. He almost reminds me of the young men the girls bring home; scared witless of the 'big tough captain who eats smoke and breathes fire'. He certainly looks young enough to be one."

"Hump, he certainly acts like a kid sometimes, I mean milk instead of a beer?" Hank said as he picked up the tall glass of milk and the bottle of beer and headed outside.

He found Johnny sitting on the edge of one of the lawn chairs, hunched over, lighting a cigarette. Hank stopped short, 'well if that doesn't just blow the clean cut, milk drinking, kid next door image right out of the water.' He thought to himself, while saying out loud, "Here you go John."

Johnny fumbled with the cigarette and reached up to accept the milk, "Thanks Cap, I uh, I mean Captain Stanley, sir." Noticing his captain staring at the cigarette in his hand Johnny looked around for a place to put it out. "Oh, um uh, sorry sir, I should have asked, I'll um just uh put it out."

Hank waved him off, "No, don't waste a good smoke. In fact I'll join you," he said as he pulled a pack and a lighter out of his shirt pocket. "Maggie doesn't like me smoking in the house, so I come out back here when the need strikes." Hank sat down on one of the other lawn chairs and pulled a clay flower pot with sand in it between the two of them. "I was just a little surprised because I didn't think you smoked."

Johnny picked up the tall glass of milk and downed half of it, "I don't, I mean I didn't, well I did when I was younger, but I quit, but with the trip up north and every thing, Captain, Sir, one thing lead to another,…"

"Hold it right there son," Hank said putting up his hand, "No need to explain any further, I understand. I've quit a few times myself only to find during some situations, the need was still there."

"Thanks, Captain Stanley, Sir."

"John, if you call me Cap, Captain, Captain Stanley, or Sir one more time I'm going to have to start treating you like we are at the station and assign you latrine duty. We're not at the station, we're just two guys sitting on the back patio enjoying a good smoke and a cool drink, call me Hank."

"Thanks, uh, Hank."

The two of them sat in silence for a little bit, Johnny finished off his milk, took some drags off of his cigarette, and then sat there staring at it as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. Hank took a couple more swallows of his beer and a few puffs on his cigarette. Finally the silence got the better of him, "So, John, Roy said you had some things you wanted to talk with me about, off the record?"

Johnny continued to stare at the cigarette, "Roy thought it would be good if I told you about my past. He thought it might help explain some things, some things he felt you should know."

Hank leaned forward and rested his forearms on his knees, "From what little I heard at the incident in the park when that guy attacked you, and from some of the reports I received about the attack on you and Roy up in Montana, I kind of gathered that you didn't have the best childhood."

Johnny's lip quirked up in his half grin, "THAT, would be an understatement." Taking a last long draw on the cigarette, he stubbed it out in the sand filled flowerpot and let out a long shaky breath. "When my real dad died, my mom moved back to the reservation to be with her people. I was just over two at the time and only my mom called me by my name, to everyone else I was 'That Half Breed Boy' or some other various slur along those lines often combined with a profanity. Her family quickly married her off to the only guy that would take her, Charles Strongbow, the drunken and abusive son of one of the tribal council members. It seems he had put a couple girls in the hospital because he was 'a little too rough' with them, so no one else would let their daughters near him. Needless to say he didn't appreciate being saddled with me and made damn well sure I knew it. Over the years I was in and out of clinics and hospitals so many times, they knew me by name."

"Didn't any of the doctors or nurses do anything? Couldn't they remove you from the situation?"

"You would think. At the time I couldn't understand it, I mean why fix me up just so I could go back and get hurt again? What was the point? Especially when Strongbow would get even angrier when ever we got back. I would only get in more trouble if I said anything. After a while I just gave up telling anyone when I was hurt, it was just easier to take care of things myself."

"Well that explains a lot," Hank said under his breath.

"Huh?" Johnny said looking up for the first time.

"Oh, nothing, go on." Hank replied as he took the last drag on his cigarette and stubbed it out.

"Well, if things weren't bad enough as they were, when my mom got pregnant for the 4th time, she wasn't able to carry the child to term and she lost the baby. It was a boy, Strongbow's last chance to carry on his name sake. The doctor told them that she couldn't have any more kids or she would die. Strongbow became enraged and started finding new and sadistic ways to take it out on me. Mom sunk deeper in depression and O. on pain meds when I was about 13. With mom no longer in the picture, I guess he finally decided that I wasn't worth keeping around. One night he beat me to within an inch of my life and I probably would have died if it hadn't been for Jack and Carol."

"Is that they guy who the letter was about?"

"Yah, he was my track coach, and when I didn't show up to school he came looking for me. I was in the hospital for over a month. Strongbow never once came looking for me, so when I got out Jack and Carol took me in. They helped me to graduate high school and then move down here. When I got to L.A. I worked some odd jobs and then joined the Academy. You know the rest from there." Johnny reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out another cigarette and lit it. Taking a couple long draws, he let out his breaths slowly trying to calm the knot that formed in his stomach.

Hank leaned back and looked thoughtfully at the young man sitting next to him on the patio. The nervous bouncing of Johnny's foot and the attempts at trying to breathe slowly did not go unnoticed. "It sounds like you went through a lot growing up, more then any one should ever have to, but something tells me the story isn't done."

"Well, there is one more thing, and this part is strictly off the record." Johnny said as he stubbed out his second cigarette

"That's why we are sitting out here verses at the station house isn't it? I don't have my Captain's Trumpets on, just a beer in my hand" Hank replied as he raised up his bottle for another drink.

"Okay, here it goes. My files at Headquarters are wrong. It says that I am turning 25 this year. I'm actually only going to be turning 21 in a month. I had just turned 16 when I started at the Academy." The words fell out of his mouth in rapid fire succession. He dared not take a breath because if he stopped he might not finish. With that being out and said he finally looked up to see his Captain turning bright red and struggling to breathe. Immediately jumping up Johnny was by his side in a second flat, "Cap, are you okay? Can you speak to me?"

Tears streamed out of the corner of Hank's eyes and his lungs felt as if acid had touched them. Breaking into a violent fit of coughing Hank tried to expel the remnants of the mouthful of beer that had tried to go down the wrong pipe when Johnny had said he was only 16 when he entered the Fire Academy.

Seeing that his captain was having some difficulty breathing, but was not suffering a completely blocked airway, Johnny encouraged him to lean forward and to continue coughing. Slowly, as the coughing subsided, Hank was able to rasp out his thanks to Johnny. Johnny, from where he had crouched next to Hank, had automatically reached over during the fit of coughing and rested his fingertips in the groove just below Hanks thumb. He wasn't really counting the beats per minute, but more or less making sure that the rate slowed back down as his captain got his breathing under control. Finally, with the coughing abated and the pulse at a nice steady rhythm, Johnny stood up and went back over to his chair.

Still leaning forward in his chair, Hank took a deep breath and let it out. Looking at the young man next to him several things about Johnny clicked into place with the revelation that he was really younger then what they had all thought. His high metabolism and voracious appetite, his seemingly unending energy, his almost desperate need sometimes to fit in and be like one of the guys, it all made sense now. But it making sense did not solve the issue at hand, and that being, 'what now?'.

"So let me get this straight, you turned 16 in August and entered the Academy in September. You worked at Station 10 for a couple years and then joined the paramedic program when you were …?"

"Eighteen." Johnny supplied.

"Eighteen," Hank shook his head slowly. "Hmm, does Brackett know?"

"He found out when the hospital in Montana sent him my whole file which included the reports from when I was younger."

"What does he have to say about your age and your paramedics license?"

"He said that since I was legally 18 when I entered the program then as far as my license goes there is nothing wrong with it because it doesn't ask your age, only that you have to have graduated high school and be 18 or older."

"Good, good." Hank thought some more. "You said you graduated High School, you have the certification and all?"

"Jack and Carol made sure it was all proper and everything. I took the testing and completed all the requirements so the school let me graduate."

"How about your diver's license?"

"Even though my birth certificate said I was older, I waited until I was truly 16 and then I went and took my driving test and got my license."

"So about your birth certificate, how did that come to reflect your wrong age?"

"Well, in order to get me as far away from Strongbow as possible, Carol suggested I move down here with her brother Nick. They knew that I would kind of be on my own and they didn't want any problems with me being under age. Since I didn't have a birth certificate, they contacted the nurse midwife that delivered me and told her that I needed a birth certificate and when she sent it, it had me listed as 4 years older then what I was."

Hank jumped at the thought, "So it could have all been a typographical error on the part of the Midwife, and since the state you were born in certified the copy of the birth certificate, it is legal. As far as I can see, it's not your fault that they screwed up your birth certificate. You graduated High School, so that takes care of that issue, and you had a legal license issued by the state of California to be able to drive the squad, so there are no issues there."

"So… everything is okay?" Johnny tentatively asked.

"I'm not going to lie to you son, if someone found out about your age and wanted to press the issue, then yes there could be a problem. Would I ever say anything about it? No. You're a great fireman and one of the best damn paramedics around. I'd be an idiot to do something to loose you. Do I have a problem with your age?" Hank paused and got a perturbed look on his face. Johnny's heart leapt into his throat, and he swallowed nervously. Hank smiled and shook his head, "The only problem I have with your age is that you are young enough to be my kid." Johnny let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Then Hank's face got serious, "But don't you ever go telling anyone that. Understood?"

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"Good then it's settled, you are a lot older then you look, and I am a lot younger then I look." Hank stood and stretched, "How about joining us for dinner? I was going to grill up a couple stakes."

Johnny grabbed his empty glass and stood up, "The offer sounds tempting, but I really should be getting back. My cousin is back at my place and I would really hate to leave her there all day."

"Understood. Maybe some other time."

Hank walked Johnny to the door. They shook hands and Hank watched as Johnny trotted across the yard and climbed into his Rover. "Damn, that kid makes me feel old."


	7. Chapter 7

_I thought it was time for a Johnny Owie. Hope you all enjoy. Also provided some possible insight as to why Craig Brice "the Perfect Paramedic"¸ is the way he is. Again, I know this is not Cannon in that Craig doesn't come into the picture until a lot later in the series, but he is so fun to write._

_Thanks to all who have continued to encourage me to continue with your kind words. As always Feedback "feeds" the writers. We live for it and love to have it, so please leave feedback if you can. Thanks._

_The legalese was mentioned at the beginning of the story so please review it there, no use in repeating it here. _

Chapter 7

It was dark. He didn't like the dark, it was scary. This dark was even scarier because it hung in the air, floating above the ground, angrily swirling around. It stung his eyes making them water and whenever he breathed in it tickled the back of his throat making him cough. He had to get away from the black stuff coming in from under the door. Crawling to the furthest corner of his bed he pulled the sheet over his head and turned toward the wall. The rocking started immediately, not to fast and not to slow. His head banging on the wall as he rocked forward; thump, pause, thump, pause, thump, pause.

Rolling over in bed, Susie drifted toward the surface of being awake. Without opening her eyes she heard the rhythmic thumping on the wall next to her bed. Billy was rocking again. Reaching one hand out from under the covers she gently thumped back during the pauses. That usually quieted him down. It took her only a moment to figure out something wasn't right. Sitting up quickly in bed she looked out into her room at the thick black smoke that was seeping in from under the door. Her throat seized up and her body was racked by a fit of coughing. Fire, the apartment was on fire. She had to get out of there. Jumping out of bed she ran to the door and froze.

'Wait!' Susie said to herself as her brain went a mile a minute. What did the firemen say last year when they came to visit her class? Oh yah, now she remembered: first, if there is smoke, get on your hands and knees and stay below the smoke; second, never open a door unless you test it first. Dropping down to her knees, she reached up and felt the door and the door knob, both were cool to the touch. Opening up the door she crawled to the door next to hers and opened it, she had to check on Billy. She crawled over to the bed and reached through the bars, "Don't worry Billy, I'll get you out of here. I just have to get the keys," she said between fits of coughs. It was getting harder to breathe.

Susie crawled to the kitchen and scooted a chair over to the refrigerator. Standing on the chair she reached up but her fingers just barely touched the top. She had seen her mom put the keys up there; she just needed to be a little taller. Putting her foot on one of the slats on the back of the chair she pushed herself up. Leaning against the door and reaching up her fingers slid over the top, she was almost there. It was at that moment the smoke got the best of her and she lost her balance in a fit of coughing and tumbled to the ground. Her out stretched arm collapsed under her and pain shot up her arm. Curling up in a ball on the linoleum, the tears from the smoke stinging her eyes mixed with tears of pain, fear, and frustration. She wasn't going to be able to rescue Billy. He was going to die, and she was going to die too.

EEEEEEEEEEEE

As he turned into his apartment complex, Johnny brought his Rover to a stop and leaned his head out the window. A look of puzzlement and concern crossed his face as he sniffed the air. Smoke. Just a hint of it, and it wasn't the cooking on the grill type of smoke either. It was the acrid, synthetic fiber of furniture and carpets burning type of smoke. Scanning the sky, he saw a faint trace of a grey black cloud rising up against the ink black night sky, toward the rear of the complex.

"What is it Johnny?" Erin asked from the passenger seat.

"Smoke," Johnny replied as he put his car in motion.

"I don't smell anything." Erin sounded puzzled.

"Its faint, but its there. You can barely see it, but there is a small black cloud. Its either coming from my building or the one next to it."

Arriving at the back of the complex, he scanned his building, nothing there. Turning to the other building, it took him just a few moments to locate the flickering red glow in one of the lower apartments and the black smoke seeping out of the partially open window of the second floor apartment. Putting the Rover in park and turning off the ignition, he tossed the keys to Erin. "Go call the fire department; the direct number to dispatch is next to the phone. Give them the address and tell them it is an apartment complex, all the way in the back with one, possibly more units involved"

Erin dashed to his apartment while Johnny jogged over and banged loudly on the door next to the unit on fire and shouted, "Fire, you need to evacuate the building." Turning to the involved unit he tried the door knob, locked and hot. Just as he was getting ready to kick in the door, an older lady opened the door to the unit he had just knocked on.

"They're not there. I heard them leave about an hour ago, arguing about what movie they were going to go see."

"Is there any possibility anyone else is in there?"

"Oh, no, just the two of them. Strange couple. Always seems to be arguing, but they have lived together for over a year. I don't know how they've lasted that long."

"Ma'am," Johnny interrupted, not wanting to be rude, but desperately needing to get more information from the lady. "How about the apartment up stairs? Does anyone live there?"

"A young lady and her daughter live there. And I use the term 'lady' loosely. I heard her coming down the steps a couple hours ago, all dressed up to go out on the town, if you know what I mean. She leaves that poor child all alone to fend for herself. Sweetest child you ever did see. Very polite too. I always make a point to offer her some cookies when I see her out here playing hopscotch. She always asks for a second one to take to her brother. Funny thing is, I have never seen another child up there."

"Ma'am, I'm sorry to interrupt, but how about the apartment above you? Does anyone live there?"

"No, not since that nice young man moved out. He was always so helpful, always bringing me my mail, and checking in on me."

"Thank you ma'am, now if you could please go stand over in the parking lot. When the fire department comes, if I am not back out here, look for a man with a white stripe down his hat. He will be in charge. Tell him that the top left unit is the only one with possible victims and that John Gage has gone in to look for them. Can you do that for me?"

"Look for the man with the white stripe on his hat and tell him that John Gage, that's you, has gone in to look for that poor girl." As Johnny dashed up the stairs, the lady called up the stairs, "The spare key is under the mat, I often see the young girl let herself in when she comes home from school."

Trying the door knob on the outside chance it was not locked, he found it to be bolted shut. Thanking the spirits for nosey neighbors, Johnny quickly located the key and inserted it into the deadbolt lock. Opening the door, he was immediately assailed by a wave of smoke. Putting his arm over his mouth and nose and crouching down he slipped inside the apartment. "Is anyone in here?" he shouted and immediately began coughing as he breathed in a lung full of smoke. Putting his mind into the mindset of a young child left alone at night, he considered where she might be. The bedroom, most likely her mother's. Heading toward the back of the apartment he was halfway there when he heard small coughing from the right. Running his had along the wall he came across an opening. Calling out again, he heard some more coughing and went through the entrance.

It didn't take Johnny long to find the little girl huddled in the corner with her right arm protectively cradled against her. She was semi conscious and having difficulty breathing, but breathing none the less. Taking his t-shirt off he reached up and felt along the counter until he found the sink. Wetting the shirt down, he crawled back over to the girl. "Here," his voice rasped out barely understandable. He tried to clear his throat of the smoke and coughed several times. "I am going to put this over your mouth and nose and carry you out of here."

The young girl shook her head and tried to speak but it only brought on another fit of coughing. Weakly she pushed at the wet cloth as he brought it to her face and whispered, "Help, Billy," more coughing, "locked, bed, can't, out."

Johnny understood all to well what she was trying to communicate. Her brother Billy was locked in his room and couldn't get out. Suppressing his anger Johnny reassured the little girl, "Don't worry; let me get you out of here first then I'll come back up and get Billy, okay?"

The girl nodded and Johnny put the moist shirt to her face and scooped her up. As he stood up he was again overcome with a bought of coughing. Making his way toward the front door, he noticed that the fire was now licking up the front of the building and coming in the front open window. Racing past the flames¸ he dashed down the stairs and handed the girl to Erin who had met him half way across the lawn. "Careful, right arm, possible fracture," he said between coughs. Taking the wet t-shirt from the young girls face, "Which room is your brother in?"

"First door on left," she whispered. "Need keys, top fridge, bed, locked"

Johnny's heart dropped into his stomach and he would have lost his dinner right there if the urgency of the situation did not dictate that he keep it together. Turning he started to jog back toward the stairs.

"Wait," Erin's voice rang out, "You aren't seriously going back in there? The fire department will be here any minute."

"No time." Johnny replied as he started back up the stairs. Half way up, his lungs constricted in another round of coughing and he grabbed the rail as his knees threatened to buckle. Shaking his head to clear it from the momentary dizziness, he placed the moist t-shirt over his mouth and nose and dashed the rest of the way up the steps and through the open door. The room was now hazily lit with flames that licked up the front wall and engulfed the curtains that hung there. Making his way to the kitchen, Johnny found the key and turned back into the front room. The fire had made short work of a futon couch that sat next to the window and was now lapping across the ceiling. The heat of the flames stung his bare back, creating a blistering steam from the sweat on him.

Heading toward the back of the small apartment, Johnny quickly found the bedroom and entered. What he saw shocked him more then he expected. In the far corner of the room someone had built, around the bed, a wooden cage with a pad locked door. Quickly unlocking the pad lock he threw it across the room and crawled into the little enclosure. Feeling around in the bed sheets he finally located the small figure curled up under the sheet at the head of the bed. Gently untangling the boy from the sheets, he was relieved to note shallow rapid breaths. Dragging the child with him, he backed out of the opening. Standing up he wrapped the moist shirt around the still figure and cradled him in his arms. The room wavered in front of him and he had to lean on the wall to steady himself.

Keeping his head low, he made his way back to the front room and took about a half dozen steps into the room and stopped. The room was fully involved now and the door way filled with flames. He could hear the sirens of the arriving engines and squad and knew that help was just outside; he just needed to get to a window and signal someone. Johnny had barely turned back towards the hall when he heard an ominous groan and pop from the ceiling as the super heated plaster gave way. A large flaming piece slammed into his back sending him to his knees. The hot debris and flames seared his shoulders and knocked the air out of his lungs. Dazed, Johnny slowly struggled back to his feet. Ignoring the pain of the hot material sliding off his shoulders, his mind focused only on one objective, get the kid to safety.

Staggering back down the hall to the furthest room, Johnny went into the second bedroom which contained a queen sized bed and a twin bed crammed in amongst piles of dirty clothes. Gently laying the small boy on the bed he made his way over to the window. Pushing up on the window, it didn't budge. A second attempt only resulted in spasms across his shoulders and his lungs racked by a series of coughs. It was painted shut. Looking around the room he couldn't find anything large enough to smash the glass. Grabbing a white pillow case off one of the pillows on the bed and a lipstick off the dresser, he quickly scrawled a message and held it up to the window, hoping someone would see it.

At the sound of sirens entering the complex, Erin looked up from where she had laid the young girl Johnny had handed her. As the Engine and Squad made their way to the involved unit, Erin stood up and waved her arms to attract the attention of the drivers. The smaller of the two vehicles pulled up next to her and two men jumped out. One headed directly toward her while the other started pulling equipment out.

"Are you injured ma'am?" asked the taller, thinner man as he approached and knelt down next to her.

"No I'm fine, but this young girl needs some oxygen. She's suffering from smoke inhalation, has been coughing weekly, her breaths are rapid and shallow. She also has a possible fracture of the right Ulna or Radius." Erin supplied as the man pushed his glasses up his nose and started taking the young girls pulse.

Looking up, Craig Brice addressed the young lady kneeling on the other side of the victim, "Are you a trained medical professional?"

"I'm an E. R. nurse from Montana, I'm here visiting my cousin. Are you a paramedic like my cousin Johnny?" Erin's eyes grew wide and she stood up and turned back toward the apartments, "Oh my God, Johnny, he went back in to the upper apartment to get her brother, but he hasn't come back out yet."

"Did you say, Johnny? Johnny Gage?" Bob Bellingham asked as he deposited the biophone and oxygen next to Brice.

Erin nodded her head, not taking her eyes off of the second floor apartment that now had flames shooting out of the door and window.

Bob jogged over to the engine where Captain Jones was talking with an elderly lady, "Cap, John Gage may be up there going after a second victim."

"That's what Mrs. Cooper was just telling me. Get your gear on, then you and Tom grab a line and head up to the second floor." Captain Jones directed and then turned to the H.T. in his hand to direct the Snorkel and second Engine arriving.

Heading back to the Squad Bob had just finished pulling out his SBC when he heard a shout from Johnny's cousin.

"In the window, there's a message, it has to be Johnny."

Looking up to the window Bob squinted and read the message: Help, Stuck, 2V. "Cap, Johnny's letting us know where he's at, looks like the window's stuck."

"Yah, I see. Tom, forget the hose, grab a ladder and get it up to that window. Bob get up there and get Gage and the other victim out."

Setting the extension ladder up, Tom braced it while Bob made his way up to the second floor window. Rapping on the window to get Johnny's attention to move so he could bust out the window, there was no response from the figure leaning against the white cloth. Banging again more forcefully, finally the figure and cloth moved. It only took seconds for Bob to smash the window from the frame with his Spanner Wrench and climb into the smoke filled room. He quickly located Johnny sitting on the floor with his back to the bed.

"Come on Johnny, let's get you out of here," Bob encouraged and grabbed a hold of Johnny's wrist in an attempt to get Johnny to stand.

Johnny pulled his arm back and shook his head. Weakly coughing and trying to clear his throat he was finally able to croak out, "Boy first …" as he pointed to the still figure on the bed.

Reaching up and scooping up the unconscious figure, Bob turned back to Johnny, "Okay, I'll get the kid out of here, and then I'm coming back up for you." As Johnny struggled to his feet to follow, Bob added, "And no more heroics, don't you dare try to come down this ladder by yourself. I don't need Captain Stanley and the rest of the guys on your shift over at 51 upset with me because you fell off the ladder and broke your neck. Got it?"

Johnny nodded and collapsed back to the floor. He wasn't sure he would make it to the window anyways; the room seemed to swim in front of him. Leaning back against the bed again, his eyelids slid shut. The boy was safe now, that's all that mattered.

Climbing out the window and onto the ladder, Bob quickly descended and handed the child over to one of his fellow firefighters. Yelling to Tom to be heard over the noise of the scene, "I'm going back up to get Gage, he's in pretty rough shape," Bob scrambled back up the ladder. Entering the room again, he found Johnny unconscious, slumped against the bed. Squatting down, he grabbed a limp wrist and put his shoulder into Johnny's midsection. Standing, he made his way over to the window and crawled back out onto the ladder with the unconscious figure draped over his shoulder. Once down the ladder he carried the still form over to the squad and lowered him to the ground. Shucking his turn out coat, Bob knelt beside Johnny and started his assessment, reporting his findings to Brice to relay to Rampart.

Brice had quickly and efficiently stabilized the two young victims with O2 and IVs ordered by Rampart by the time his partner had rescued the third victim and started the assessment. The findings did not sound too favorable; respiration rate 24, breaths rapid and shallow, congestion in both lungs, pulse 96, B.P. 150 over 90. It was when Bellingham lifted the bottom portion of the pillowcase that had adhered itself to the victims back that Brice's voice faltered and if anyone had been looking they would have seen his eyes grow wider. Quickly swallowing the lump in his throat he dryly reported the basic findings; first and second degree burns on back and arms as well as abrasions and possible lacerations to the shoulders and upper back. What he didn't report was the multitude of faded scars that laced the lower back of John… no, the victim. Scars that resembled the ones his older brother Bobby had carried with him to the grave. Focusing on the job at hand, Brice expertly started the ordered IV and adjusted the flow rate of the O2. A sterile wet sheet was laid on the stretcher and then victim on the sheet. As the two juveniles were loaded into the first ambulance and the third victim into the second one, Brice paused, "Bellingham, would you mind if I road in with the third vic… um would you mind if I road in with Gage?"

Bob shrugged his shoulders, he knew Brice was uncomfortable around kids, "Sure, no problem. I'll ride in with the kids."

Turning, Brice noticed the young lady who had identified herself as Gage's cousin standing next to the stretcher gently brushing the hair off his forehead. "Excuse me Miss. If you would like to accompany the ambulance to Rampart you will need to ride upfront."

"Thanks, I would." Erin replied and then leaned over the stretcher and whispered to Johnny, "Behave, I'll see you at the hospital." Heading toward the front of the vehicle she climbed into the passenger side as the stretcher was loaded into the back.

Brice climbed in after the stretcher and adjusted the O2 and settled the IV into place. Tucking the wet sheet up around the sides of the ribcage, the back of his hand brushed against one of the silver knotted scars. Just like Bobby's. "So you couldn't behave either Gage?" His voice came out soft, barely above a whisper, "I kept trying to tell Bobby that he had to behave the way Mother wanted him to. You have to fold your shirts just right, light socks go on the left side of the drawer and dark ones on the right, pants are creased down the front and hung up. You have to put the books back on the shelf in the right order. Good boys don't run around outside and get their clothes dirty, they sit and read books. Bobby never could sit still. Bobby never could obey the rules. Mother had to punish him. Did you have problems obeying the rules? Is that why you were punished?"

A slight cough and then groan startled Brice out of his revere and his eyes darted up from the scar that he had been staring at to red rimmed brown eyes. Clearing his throat, he looked down at his watch and then back up, "Gage, you've regained consciousness."

Johnny slightly nodded his head and then started to reach up to remove the mask. Brice's hand interceded, "As a paramedic, you should know that O2 is essential in the treatment for smoke inhalation. You are suffering from smoke inhalation, first and second degree burns, and some abrasions and lacerations on your back and shoulders. We couldn't determine the extent of the damage to your back because the cloth you used to signal us has adhered itself to your skin. That will need to be removed at Rampart." Johnny winced at that last comment and the queasy feeling in his stomach increased. Brice continued on, unaware of his victim's discomfort, "In the mean time you have been placed on a hydrated sterile sheet and an IV has been established to replace lost fluids."

At the mention of the IV, Johnny's dislike for needles drove his stomach over the edge. Frantically grabbing at the O2 mask and shoving it off his face Johnny pulled himself onto his side and proceeded to loose the contents of his dinner all over Brice's shoes and pants legs.

Looking down at the floor, Brice's eyebrows rose, but the unflappable paramedic simply stated in a neutral voice, "If you had told me you were feeling nauseated Gage, I could have provided an emesis basin for you."

Johnny rolled his eyes, and with the remainder of his energy spent, slipped back into unconsciousness.

Making sure the victim's mouth was clear; Brice replaced the O2 mask and positioned him to stay on his side. Having seen to the victim's immediate needs; Brice spent the remaining few minutes he had before reaching Rampart, cleaning up his pants and shoes.


	8. Chapter 8

_HI, finally here is the next chapter. There are no major warnings for this chapter, maybe a few swear words. The incident that Johnny remembers about telling the doctor to just turn the lights down and he would be asleep is something from my own childhood. I had cut myself on my grandparent's farm and by the time we got to the hospital it was very late. The doctors wanted to give me a shot to numb the area and I told them if they didn't want a screaming kid on their hands to just let me go to sleep and then I wouldn't know if they gave me the shot._

_The stats show that several folks are hitting and reading my story, but as always Feedback "feeds" the writers. We live for it and love to have it, so please leave feedback if you can. I have now opened up feed back to be left without having to sign in. I hadn't realized I had that restriction in place. So if you have always wanted to leave me feed back but didn't have an account, you may now do so. Thanks to all of you who have left feed back. It means a lot to me.._

_The legalese was mentioned at the beginning of the story so please review it there, no use in repeating it here. _

Chapter 8

Dr Mike Morton stood out side the Emergency Room doors waiting for the arrival of the next Ambulance. Joe and Kelly had taken the victims from the first ambulance, a young girl and boy. The girl was conscious and faring well with only slight smoke inhalation, but she was concerned about her little brother. He had been in the smoke longer and had not regained consciousness. If it hadn't been for the fast thinking of a Good Samaritan who had gone in to rescue the kids, neither would have probably made it out alive. Mike shook his head, "You know Dixie, I don't know whether to praise this guy coming in for getting those two kids out alive, or to check to see if he has a brain for not waiting and letting the professionals go in."

"I would say the first choice," Dixie said as the ambulance backed into the bay. Reaching up she opened the back door and her nose was assailed by the sour smell of vomit. "Craig?" Nothing further needed to be said, that one word with the tone behind it said it all, 'what happened'?

Following the patient out of the back of the ambulance, Brice stopped in front of the head nurse. "Shortly before arriving, the patient briefly regained consciousness and then became nauseated. The patient's level of consciousness decreased again so I placed him on his side to prevent aspiration. The vital signs are unchanged. Do you wish me to repeat them?"

"No, that will be fine Craig, why don't you go get cleaned up, I think we can take it from here."

Following the pungent paramedic into the Emergency room, Dixie headed to treatment room 3 to make sure Dr. Morton didn't give their Good Samaritan too long of a lecture about foolishly risking life and limb. As she entered the room she did not expect to find the scene that greeted her. The patient had become combative and was trying to get off the table, while Mike and the two orderlies were doing their best to keep him on it.

"Come on man, you got to settle down so I can take a look at your back. You've got some nasty lacerations back there and if you don't let me get them cleaned up they are going to get infected. NOW JUST SETTLE DOWN!"

"Need some help Mike?"

"I was just telling this hot head here that I was going to just go around and look at his back when he decides to try and jump off the table. See if you can talk some sense into him, he is after all one of your boys."

Dixie shot Mike a puzzled look as she approached the table. The patient was curled up on his side, pulling against the strong hands of the orderlies. With his head and face pointing toward the ground, if the orderlies let go, the man would fall right off the table. Looking at the lean form and the array of old scars that peeked out from under the dirty soot covered cloth that had adhered itself to the fresh wounds, Dixie got down on one knee and took the patients face in her hands. Pushing the dark shaggy matted hair that was a little too long out of the way she looked into wide vacant eyes. "Johnny?" The eyes blinked once but were still vacant. "Johnny, it's Dixie¸ you're at Rampart." The eyes blinked again and this time tracked to her eyes but still seemed distant. "Johnny, it's Dixie, you were injured while rescuing two children. I need you to lay back on the table now so you don't fall off." Slowly the two orderlies were able to ease him back on the table. "Very good," she said smiling as she brushed the hair out of his eyes, "Now do you want to tell me why you are giving Dr. Morton such a hard time?"

Johnny's eyes shifted from Dixie to Morton, who had come up behind her, and then back to Dixie. "Nah…" he coughed several times trying to clear his throat from all the mucus, "Not him," several more coughs ensued, "Brackett." Johnny's eyes shifted back over to Morton and he saw the surprised and somewhat offended look on the young doctor's face.

In a matter of seconds an impassive expression of professionalism slipped over Dr. Morton's face and his voice came out frosty and clipped, "Very well, since Gage doesn't seem to trust my abilities to tend to his wounds, I will see if Dr. Brackett is available." With that he turned and left the room.

After Morton left the room, Dixie stood with her hands on her hips, "Was that really necessary? You know that Dr. Morton is very capable of treating you."

Johnny lowered his eyes. He hadn't meant to offend the man. He knew Morton was good, even if his bed side skills still needed help. He just couldn't let Morton see his back with all the old scars. If Morton saw the scars, he would know, and there would be that look of shock followed by that look of pity. Johnny couldn't handle that right now. The words Brice had said back in the ambulance drifted back into his memory, 'Did you have problems obeying the rules? Is that why you were punished?' and from somewhere in the background the words his mother would say as she would tend to his wounds after one of Strongbow's punishments filled his ears 'You need to learn to follow Charles' rules and stay out of his way, then he wouldn't have to punish you.' Doubt crept back into his mind, had it all been his fault?

Guilt filled eyes looked up at Dixie's as a scratchy uncertain voice reached her ears, "Scars, couldn't let him see, my fault." Dixie sighed and smoothed the hair from his forehead, "Its okay, I'll smooth things out with Morton."

At that moment Dr. Brackett entered the room. "I understand that someone over here is giving one of my doctors a hard time." He said in a gruff but friendly voice. The guilty, lost look intensified in Johnny's eyes and he turned his head toward the far wall.

Dixie held up her hand in warning. "Our patient is feeling a little insecure about some past injuries."

"I see," came Brackett's knowing professional voice, "Well, why don't I see what's going on and see about getting you fixed up. Could you roll to your side Johnny so I can have a look at your back?" Johnny rolled toward the far side of the table exposing fresh injuries mixed with old scars hidden beneath a dirty piece of cloth. Brackett gently pulled at the corner of the cloth and felt the resistance as it tugged at raw injured skin. "Johnny, do you know what happened to your back and what we are potentially facing under this cloth?"

Johnny nodded his head, "Ceiling on fire, plaster fell, shoulders¸ burns, how bad doc?"

"Well from what you described, you definitely have some lacerations that may or may not need stitches. I'm fairly certain you have some second degree burns," Brackett paused and took a breath, his lip hitching up a little as he prepared for the worst, "and depending on how long you were under the debris, possibly third degree burns. We're going to need to get that cloth off to tell for certain what we are facing. When the ceiling fell on you, did you hit your head, loose consciousness?"

Johnny shook his head. Brackett nodded toward Dixie who went over to the medicine cabinet and started to prepare a syringe with Morphine Sulfate to help Johnny through the upcoming procedure. "I'm going to have Dixie give you something to help with the pain," Brackett started, but Johnny cut him off with a sharp, raspy "No MS." Brackett crossed his arms and got ready to start into his 'Don't try to be a macho hose jockey' lecture when he looked down into wide panic stricken eyes. Taking a breath, he changed his tone and posture, "John, I'm not going to lie to you, this is not going to be an easy procedure. I'm going to have to get this cloth that is stuck to your wounds off and then depending on what I find under there I may need to debride the burns on your back."

"No pain meds," Johnny coughed several more times and when he spoke again, it was barely above a whisper, "been through worse with no help."

Brackett shook his head and raised one eyebrow, "Fine, no MS. Dix, why don't you get our young man ready. I'll be right back." As he left the room he heard Dixie in her wonderful motherly way coaxing their agitated patient to lie still while she cleaned him up a little. He had no doubt that by the time he returned he would find a soot free hose jockey in a hospital gown.

Turning to head toward his office to make a phone call, he was intercepted by a young lady with long dark hair that seemed vaguely familiar. "Doctor, how's Johnny?" the young lady asked.

"Miss…?" Brackett's eyebrow went up in question.

"Shaw, Erin Shaw, Johnny's cousin."

"Ah, Miss Shaw, yes. I didn't expect to see you so soon, but then again considering who your cousin is, I can't say that I am not completely surprised. As for Johnny, he is breathing a little better, but is still very congested from the smoke. I don't expect any complications on that front, but we'll keep him on oxygen a little longer just in case."

"What about his back? I heard the paramedics who brought him in mention some lacerations and possible first and second degree burns."

"Yes, there are some injuries to his back but I haven't had time to fully assess them at the moment. Nurse McCall is prepping him right now. I just need to make a quick phone call, if you'll excuse me."

"Thanks doctor. Oh, do you think it would be okay if I went in to see him real quickly?"

"Sure, just let Nurse McCall know I said it was okay." With that, he quickly slipped into his office. Walking over to his desk he flipped through the rolodex and found Roy DeSoto's phone number. He looked at the clock on the wall, 10:30 p.m. He grimaced for a moment, he hated calling this late, but he knew Roy would want to know and he needed to ask him a few questions. Sitting down at the desk he dialed the number. After only two rings a female voice answered, "Hello?"

"Hello, Joanne, this is Kelly Brackett. Is Roy available?"

"Sure Dr. Brackett," came the puzzled voice on the other end. "Is something wrong?"

"Johnny was brought in this evening, and I need to ask Roy a few things." He heard the phone being handed over and Joanne's voice filling Roy in.

Roy's concerned voice came on the phone next, "Doc, is Johnny okay? Why was he brought in?"

"Johnny pulled two kids out of a fire before the fire department showed up. He was caught in a partial ceiling collapse resulting in some burns to his shoulders and upper back. He also has a nasty case of smoke inhalation."

Kel heard a soft 'Dam' on the other end followed by a deep breath. Roy knew full well the implications of everything that had just been said. Johnny was in a world of pain. After a moment of silence Roy's calm quiet voice came back on the phone. "Is he conscious?"

Kel's lip quirked up, "Conscious enough to take on Dr. Morton and two orderlies and almost win. Roy the main reason I am calling is to see if you had any insight into why Johnny would refuse MS. We usually only see that in cases where someone has abused narcotics in the past and does not want to tempt getting hooked again. Considering Johnny's past I was just wondering…."

"Hell no Doc, Johnny never abused drugs. He's seen first hand the results of what drug abuse can do to someone. His mother got hooked on pain meds and committed suicide. Johnny doesn't want to go down that path so he tries to avoid it if possible."

Brackett leaned back in his chair, "Well I can understand his concerns, but I'm not going to lie, this is going to be painful when I go to clean up his back. One shot of MS is not going to make him an addict."

"But that's the problem Doc, it's not just one shot. We have a job that puts a lot of physical demands on our bodies and sometimes results in injuries. If Johnny had an MS shot every time he was injured or relied on the pills to help him deal with the pain, then there would be a very great chance he could become addicted. It probably explains why he down plays a lot of his injuries. You know those pills you gave him to help with his shoulder? He never took them."

"That's some pretty good insight Roy. I guess here in the Emergency Room we are so focused on the "here and now" that we don't look at the long term. Well I have to get back to work, I'm sure Dixie has that partner of yours all cleaned up and waiting for me. Thanks again Roy." Brackett hung up the phone and sat there a minute pondering all that Roy had told him. Are they prescribing pain meds too frequently? Standing up and heading toward the door, he shook his head; it was something he would have to look into later.

Dr. Brackett strolled back into the exam room, noting that Dixie had already gotten Johnny settled on his stomach on the table, the hospital gown open in the back. Johnny's cousin sat on a stool at his head, quietly chatting away. He notice that Johnny's breathing had evened out. Stepping up to the table he put on the gloves Dixie was holding out to him. "Well why don't we go ahead and get this started. Miss Shaw I'll need you to step out of the room now."

Erin stood up to go but was stopped by Johnny's hand grabbing her hand, his breathing rate increased. Erin looked at Dixie, Dixie looked at Kel, Kel sighed and looked down at Johnny, "If Miss Shaw's presence will help you to remain calm then I guess she can stay."

Erin sat back down and resumed chatting with Johnny in a soft droning voice, the thumb of her right hand gently scribing circles on the back of his hand that she held and her left hand smoothly gliding over his forehead in a rhythmic pattern. Soon Johnny's breathing evened out again. Kel and Dixie exchanged intrigued looks. "Okay then, Dix can you swing that cart over?"

As Brackett and Dixie slowly and methodically removed the dirty cloth and began cleaning and assessing his back, Johnny's mind wandered to the various hospital visits and stays he endured growing up. One of his earliest memories had been when he was seven years old. He had snuck into his parent's room to sneak a cigarette when Strongbow caught him. Strongbow could have cared less if he was smoking or not, but he wasn't going to put up with no half breed trash steeling from him. His big strong hand closed down on Johnny's wrist as he pulled out his large hunting knife. He talked of how in some countries they cut off the hands of thieves and with one smooth quick motion he drew the blade across Johnny' forearm creating a two to three inch gash. Johnny had stood there for a moment in shock expecting his hand to fall off. Strongbow just stood there and sneered at him and then shouted at him to go get his arm cleaned up and to stop bleeding all over the floor. After a couple hours, when the bleeding hadn't stopped and Johnny had become lightheaded and dizzy, Strongbow relented and took him to the Reservation's Clinic. The overworked and underpaid doctor there of course did not ask any questions as to how the boy was injured he just grabbed a syringe and a vial and told the abnormally quiet boy he would give him something for the pain before he began stitching him up. Strongbow had stepped up at that point and told the doc that he wasn't going to pay for any pain meds and that the boy was man enough to deal with the pain. The doctor had argued back that he wasn't going to put up with a squirming, crying kid. That's when the small seven year old boy quietly spoke up and told the doctor that if he would turn down the lights and wait about a half an hour he would be asleep and then he wouldn't have to worry about him screaming or crying. Not that he would have, with Strongbow standing there. True to word forty five minutes later as the doctor was finishing the last of the stitches he looked up to see pain filled chocolate brown eyes quietly staring at him, almost pleading with him. Those eyes slowly travelled across the room to his stepfather leaning against the far wall and when those eyes looked back they were vacant and schooled.

"Okay, we're finished here." Brackett said as he took off his gloves and walked around to the head of the bed where he could better see Johnny's face. He had been concerned about how well Johnny handled the pain levels. Although he had felt Johnny's muscles on his back tighten up while working on some of the nastier lacerations the man had not cried out or moved. Looking down he saw Johnny's eyes open and staring vacantly into his cousin's eyes. He turned to Erin, "Is he still with us?"

"I'm not sure, it was as if he was asleep for a little while and then when he opened his eyes they were filled with pain. Then just as you were finishing up they went vacant, as if no one was there. Almost as if he didn't want anyone seeing how much it hurt."

Brackett squatted down in front of the table, "John. Johnny, are you with me pal?" Getting no response he pulled out his pen light and flashed it across Johnny's eyes.

Johnny's head jerked back, "But I didn't cry, honest," were the first words out of his mouth. Then he blinked his eyes and focused on the concerned face of Dr. Brackett. "Shit!" he lowered his eyes not wanting to meet the Doc's, "Sorry."

"Don't worry, it's not the first time I've heard such language and I am sure it is not the last time either. How are you feeling?"

"Like I've been attacked by a large steel wool pad intent on taking off my top layer of skin."

"Well you aren't too far off on that. Thankfully there were no third degree burns, but most of your back is covered in severe second degree burns. You are going to be quite raw back there for a while. I only had to stitch up two lacerations, fifteen in one and nine in the other. Your lungs still sound a little congested so I'd like to keep you on the nasal cannula. I'm going to keep you on an I.V. to keep you hydrated," Brackett held up his hand to forestall the complaint he knew was coming. "I am sure you are very capable of taking care of yourself, but humor us and stick around for a day to make sure no infection sets in."

"But, Erin…."

"Can take care of herself." Erin completed his sentence. "I have to agree with Dr. Brackett on this one. I can take care of your basic wound care at home Johnny, but if you develop an infection you are going to need more then I am able to do. Besides if I let you come home and Roy found out, he would have a conniption fit."

Johnny sighed and looked down and away from everyone. When he was growing up no one gave a dam whether he lived or breathed or was hurt. He was forced to fend for and take care of himself. When he moved here and lived with Nick and his group, no one set constraints on him because it was not "their thing" to tell people what they can and can't do. So again he was responsible for caring for and fending for himself. Even in the Academy, although he was a part of the class, he never really found himself fitting in. While he was there, from 6:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m., for 56 days, he was 100% part of the team. But come the end of the day as his classmates stowed their gear and headed home to their family and friends, he would linger just long enough until everyone was gone and then quietly head to one of the local shelters. If he got there early enough he would get a bed for the night, if he didn't then he would just grab dinner and then find a place to crash in the park. The park wasn't always the safest place though and some times he would show up the next day more bruised then when he left. But he was praised and rewarded by his instructors for taking an injury 'like a man' and by his fellow classmates for being 'the indestructible Gage'. Now all of a sudden he had friends and family who wouldn't let him get away with hiding his pain. He was still trying to get use to that idea. He took a deep breath which ended in a spasm of coughs. Keeping his head down so that the others wouldn't see the grimace of pain, he finally got out, "Fine, but only one night."

"Baring any complications," Brackett stipulated.

Johnny just nodded his head, not trusting his voice.

"Miss Shaw, if you could come with us, we'll need you to fill out a few forms." Dixie said as she walked to the door being held open by Kel.

Erin put her hand on the top of Johnny's head, "You going to be okay if I step out for a few moments?"

"Yah," came the quiet reply.

Johnny listened as the three stepped out of the room, and when the door shut, built up tears slowly broke free, sliding across the bridge of his nose mingling with the tears from the other eye before silently falling to the sheets covering the table.


	9. Chapter 9

_I usually don't do this, but I am going to go ahead and publish this chapter even though it is a little shorter then I normally write. It just started and ended where it felt right. Thank you to all the new folks who have added me to their story watch. I am slow to update, but hopefully it is worth the wait. As always I love to hear feedback and thank you to all those have given me feed back on the other chapters._

_The legalese was mentioned at the beginning of the story so please review it there, no use in repeating it here. _

Chapter 9

"He's what!" Hank Stanley shouted loudly into the phone as he sat up in bed.

"Hank," came a loud whisper from the other side of the bed, "You're going to wake up the entire neighborhood. I'm sure the person on the other end of the phone can hear you just fine with out you hollering at them."

"Sorry hon, Roy's on the phone, Johnny's at the E.R. with smoke inhalation and burns on his back."

Maggie sat up, "Are he and Joanne going to the hospital? Do they need someone to come over and be with the kids?"

"Roy, are you and Joanne going to go to the hospital tonight? Maggie wants to know if you need her to come over." There was silence for a moment, "Mhm, I'll tell you what, why don't I stop by on my way into work tomorrow and check up on him." pause, "Okay, sounds good. I'll see you tomorrow morning." Hank hung up the phone. "Johnny's cousin, Erin, is with him now. I'm going to head out a little early tomorrow and stop by the hospital. Roy's going to meet me there."

Hank settled back down into bed, "That kid gets into more trouble then anyone I've ever known."

Maggie curled up next to him, "Oh, I knew a young man who use to be in and out of the first aid tents and hospitals all the time as a young lineman."

"Is that so?" Hank responded with a smile in his voice, "And what ever happened to this young lineman?"

"I married him, despite his reckless behavior. Thankfully he turned into a discerning Captain. Now get to sleep, you have a long day ahead of you tomorrow."

"Yes Ma'am!"

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Johnny tried to get some sleep. He had finally convinced Erin to go back to his place around two a.m. With her gone he was finally able to give into some of the pain he was feeling as he let down his guard. They originally had him lying on his stomach, but it was difficult to breathe and cough so they rolled him on to his side. He tried to hide the pain that it caused, but he couldn't stop the small groan that escaped his throat nor the quickening of his breath_. _Once he was settled onto his side the tears ran freely down his cheek to the pillow.

"Hey Dottie, that new guy they brought up in 203, we just rolled him to his side and he's in a lot of pain, but I don't see any orders on his chart for pain meds." Cindy asked of the charge nurse on the floor.

"The doctors down in the E.R. probably forgot to notate it. I'll page the Resident on call and have him come up and write an order." Dottie said, shaking her head as she picked up the phone.

With in a few minutes a yawning young doctor walked off the elevator and over to the Nurse's desk. "Hey ladies, I understand you have someone up here in a lot of pain?" Dr. Mathew Drake said as he sat down his cup of lukewarm coffee.

Cindy smiled really big and leaned forward, "That would be my patient Dr. Drake, new guy in 203. Here's his chart, he pulled two kids out of a burning building. He's a firefighter who was off duty at that time. Suffered second degree burns and lacerations over 50 percent of his back."

"Firefighter you say? Hmm, those guys are pretty tough; I'm going to write him a higher dose to help him get through the night. I only have six hours left on a 24 hour rotation. I don't want to be up here every two hours increasing his dosage." Dr. Drake yawned again and took out his pad and pen.

At that moment the over head P.A. system went off, "Dr. Drake, ICU. Dr. Drake, ICU."

"Well ladies, no rest for the weary," he hastily scribbled the orders down, "Damn pen's running out of ink." Shaking the pen, he scribbled a little more.

The over head address system sounded again, "Dr. Drake, ICU stat. Dr. Drake, ICU stat."

"Here you go, that should keep him quiet for a while." Handing Cindy the script and sprinting toward the elevator.

"Thanks Dr. Drake," Cindy said as she waved the paper at the retreating back of the handsome young doctor. Looking down at the paper she paused for a moment and considered what the doctor had written. When were they ever going to teach doctors how to slow down and write legibly? It seemed like an awful high dose, but then, as the doctor stated, firefighters are pretty tough and probably build up a resistance to pain meds. Still, to administer it all at once IV verses IM? Shrugging her shoulders and going over to the cabinet behind the nurse's station she opened it up and grabbed a vial, read the drug name and strength and compared it to what was written on the order. Grabbing a syringe and drawing up the ordered dosage she headed toward the room.

Johnny lay still in the quiet room, concentrating on breathing slowly and not moving. Movement meant pain, and pain brought back memories. Memories that were as sore and raw as his back. But the pain wouldn't stay away and neither would the memories. Craig asked back in the ambulance if he had gotten all the scars because he could not follow the rules. Craig said that his brother had scars because he couldn't follow the rules and had to be punished. Did Craig not get punished because he followed the rules? Johnny had spent years telling himself that it was not his fault Strongbow beat him. But what if he had just stayed out of Strongbow's way; did what he was told to do? Ten years of pain and punishment washed over Johnny as he questioned every broken bone, bruise, burn, beating. His breathing quickening and coming in pants as a rip tide of emotions pulled him further out into a sea of self doubt.

Cindy quietly entered the room and immediately noticed the increased breath rate of her patient. He was curled up on his side tightly hugging the support pillow. The poor guy was definitely in a lot of pain. Well she could do something about that. Walking quietly to the side of the bed she prepared the IV port, and inserted the needle. Slowly pressing the plunger she sent the calming medication swiftly into the young man's system.

Johnny was drowning. It was too much. Wave upon wave of questions and doubts crashed down on him, dragging him down. He tried to breath but his lungs wouldn't work, he tried to reach out but his arms wouldn't move. Sinking deeper and deeper, the world turned grey then black and was no more. No more pain, no more doubt, no more bad memories.

Cindy removed the needle and saw in immediate reduction in breath rates and a relaxing of the muscles. Good, he'll definitely be able to get some rest now. A few seconds later the "good" turned into an "oh shit" as she noticed the breath rate diminish even further as the patient went out on her. Grabbing the Ambu bag and pushing the call button she immediately started ventilating him. Two seconds later Dottie rushed in. "I gave him the Morphine, just as Dr. Drake ordered and then he just went out on me. Breath rate was 6 and shallow."

"I'll page Dr. Drake, we're going to have to intubate him." Dottie said as she turned on her heals and headed back to the Nurse's Desk. H

EEEEEEEEEEEEE

"He's what!" Hank Stanley shouted for the second time in less than twelve hours. This time it was at a poor helpless floor nurse who looked about ready to run and hide from the tall imposing man in uniform.

"Captain," a more confident looking nurse who appeared to be in charge stepped up, "you are not at a fire scene, this is a hospital with people still trying to sleep. I understand you are upset and concerned about one of your men, but shouting will accomplish nothing."

"My apologies. It's just that last night I was told John Gage had only suffered smoke inhalation and second degree burns and now I come in and find out that he is non responsive and intubated. What happened?"

"Last night, the doctor on call prescribed Morphine to ease Mr. Gage's pain. He had an adverse reaction and his breathing decreased to a point where we had to put him on a ventilator. The drug should be out of his system by now, but he is still not responding."

"Well, what's being done for him?"

"At this point we are waiting for the results from the tests that we ran to come back. The doctor should be by in a couple hours if you would like to wait for him."

"Thank you Nurse …"

"Collier. Dottie Collier."

"Thank you Nurse Collier. Is there a phone I can use? I need to contact some folks."

"You can use the one at the nurse's desk. Just dial 9 to get an outside line."

Hank walked over to the phone and looked up at his watch. It was just a little after 6 a.m. Roy had planned to be there at the hospital by 8:30. He probably would not be up yet at this hour. He hated to wake him up, but he could really use some help understanding what the doctors and nurses were telling him. Picking up the receiver he dialed the DeSoto's number. The phone rang twice before an alert male voice answered the phone, "DeSoto's"

"Roy, its Hank."

"How serious is he?"

"How did you know something had happened to Johnny?"

"Why else would you be calling me at 6 a.m.?"

"They put him on a ventilator last night and he's not responding."

Roy took a deep breath and let it out, "Promise me you won't have me locked up in a padded room, but I had a dream last night. I dreamt that Johnny was out in the middle of the ocean and a riptide was pulling him further out. I was throwing him a life line but waves kept pushing him down and he couldn't reach it. He disappeared under the surface and I couldn't find him." Roy paused for a moment, cleared his throat and continued on, "How long are you going to be there?"

"I'm going to call over to the station after the morning tones and see if Tom wouldn't mind sticking around for a couple hours. The nurse said the doctors should be around in a couple hours. I was kind of hoping you could be here."

"I'll be there in about an hour."

"Thanks Roy. See you then."


	10. Chapter 10

_Thank you to all the new folks who have added me to their story watch. I am slow to update, but hopefully it is worth the wait. As always I love to hear feedback and thank you to all those have given me feed back on the other chapters._

_There is a scene involving child abuse in this chapter so reader beware._

_The legalese was mentioned at the beginning of the story so please review it there, no use in repeating it here. _

Chapter 10

Roy sat in the hard plastic chair staring at the unmoving figure in the bed, listening to the whoosh of the ventilator as it pushed oxygen into lungs that refused to adequately take in enough oxygen on their own, wondering if … NO, not if … WHEN his friend would wake up. It had been twelve hours since Johnny had slipped into unconsciousness and placed on the vent, nine hours since Cap had arrived and called him, eight hours since he had arrived, seven hours since the doctors had come by trying their best to explain why and what had happened, six hours since Cap left to go to work, five hours since Erin arrived back at the hospital and was filled in on what had happened, four hours since Joanne had stopped by, three hours since Joanne and Erin finally convinced him to take a break and go get something to eat, two hours since Brackett and Dixie stopped by and both of them swearing that they would get to the bottom of this, one hour since Erin went back to Johnny's to gather a few things and call their Aunt in Berkley. So there he sat, listening to the whoosh of the ventilator and wondering when his friend would wake up.

The hospital room was quiet except the whoosh of the ventilator as Erin walked into the room, three hours from when she had left. Smiling, she shook her head at the sight of Roy asleep in the hard chair, slumped over with his arms and head resting on the foot of the bed. One of the nurses had said she had found him asleep like that an hour ago and had draped a blanket over his shoulders. Erin had returned to the hospital after gathering a few of Johnny's things, stopping first to check in on the two kids that were rescued and then at the cafeteria for a couple cups of coffee before making her way back to the room. Setting the coffees down on the table, she silently walked up to the bed to check on the status of her cousin.

"There's been no change," a muffled voice from the end of the bed said.

Erin turned to see Roy slowly sit up, working the kinks out of his back. "Sorry, didn't mean to disturb you."

"It's okay, if I would have stayed that way much longer, I might have never stood up straight again," Roy said as he stretched his arms up to the ceiling.

"I brought you some coffee," Erin said, handing him one of the cups from the table.

"Thanks," he replied, taking the proffered cup. "Did you get everything done you needed to?"

"Yeah, I called Aunt Rosa, she and Barb are going to go ahead and close down the clinic and come down. They should be here this evening. I gave them the information on the hospital and how to find it. They'll stop by here first. I also checked in on the two kids Johnny rescued. The little boy is doing better. I talked with one of the nurses on the floor and they think he might be autistic."

"Autistic?"

"It's a neurological disorder where a child does not develop normally in the area of social interaction and communication. They also can develop unusual and repetitive behaviors. His sister said that when he was scared or couldn't sleep at night that he would sit in bed and rock and bang his head against the wall. She said that is what woke her up. Did you know that when Johnny went back in for that little boy, he found him locked in a cage surrounding the bed."

"A cage! Why in god's green earth was there a cage around the bed?" Roy asked, astonished that someone would actually do something like that.

"The mother told the authorities that she had to restrain him in someway at night so he wouldn't hurt himself wondering around."

"Sometimes I think I will never understand people," Roy said, shaking his head.

"Being in the medical field we certainly see an array," Erin added.

"So what's going to happen to the kids? Tell me they aren't going to go back to their mom."

"I don't have the full scoop, but my understanding is that the mom is going to be brought up on child endangering and neglect charges. The girl will probably go into foster care unless they can find a family member to take her in. She's bright and has a good chance of making it through all this. The little boy though, that's another matter. He will probably be placed in an institute." Erin shivered at the thought. State run institutes were notoriously dead end places where patients languished under inadequate care.

"Isn't there any other option?" Roy asked, knowing all to well the condition of the institutions.

"With his problems, not really. He is 'undesirable' as far as adoption goes," Erin shook her head.

Roy ran his hands through his hair, stood up, paced a few steps away from the chair and then back. Looking at the still figure of his friend on the bed, he slammed the palm of his hand down on the top of the chair, "Damn it! Why in hell does life have to be so unfair? I mean just look at him. He should be sitting there chatting our ears off and down playing his injuries. That innocent little boy should have a caring family to take care of him. His sister should be having play dates, not being his care taker. What did those kids ever do to deserve being treated that way? What kind of an idiot would lock a kid in a cage and then leave? I hope their mother rots in jail. She should have been the one there getting her kids out of the building and making sure they were safe, not Johnny. He shouldn't be lying there unconscious with burns and lacerations all over his back. And why in the name of heaven hasn't he woken up yet. The drugs should be out of his system, and for once in his life he doesn't have a concussion."

Roy plopped down in the chair again, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, "Sorry."

"No apologies," Erin said as she came over and rested her hand on his shoulder. "Listen, why don't you go home, get some real food to eat, hug your wife and kids, take a nap, and come back later."

"I don't know, what if he wakes up. I don't want him waking up and not knowing what is going on, especially while he is on a vent."

"I'll be here. If he wakes up, I will call you. Now go home and rest."

"I would listen to the lady if I were you Roy, Nurses know best," Kelly Brackett said as he walked into the room following Dixie, "or so I have been told on numerous occasions."

"Darn right, and don't you forget it," Dixie said looking up and back at him. Then turning toward Roy, "Go home Roy, you aren't going to do anyone any good if you are in a bed next to Johnny."

"Okay," Roy put his hands up in defeat, "I get the idea, but you will call me if anything changes."

"Of course," replied Erin.

"How's he doing?" Dixie asked as she walked over to the bed and brushed a stray lock of hair off Johnny's forehead.

Kel walked to the end of the bed, picked up the chart and flipped through the pages. Shaking his head he put back the chart, "I still don't understand why he hasn't woken by now. I'll see if Joe can stop by when he gets in."

Looking down at her watch Dixie sighed, "We'd better get back down to the E.R. Kel." Turning back to Johnny, she gave his shoulder a squeeze, "Be good to my nurses, don't give them any problems, or I'll have to come back up here and have words with you young man."

Roy stepped up to the bed next and gave his friend's shoulder a squeeze, "You better listen to her Johnny, you don't want to get Dixie upset with you. I have to go now. Behave."

"I'll walk you down to the car, I have to get a few things from the Rover," Erin said as the four of them made their way out of the room.

If one of them had turned back they would have seen Johnny's hand lift momentarily from the bed and then fall back down, a single tear making its way down the side of his face. "_DON'T LEAVE ME!_" his mind screamed. "_Roy! Dixie! Please don't leave, its dark. Please, I promise I'll behave, I tried to be good. Don't go! Momma?"_

_The small five year old boy pulled against the strong hand holding his arm in a vice like grip as he watched his mother hurry from the kitchen with her hands covering her face. "Momma, I'm sorry. Please, don't go." Looking up at the big man towering over him, Johnny tried again, "I promise I'll obey the rules, please don't punish me. The other boy pushed me and called me a name. I didn't mean to make him fall when I pushed him back."_

"_If you break the rules boy, you got to be punished. Half breed piece of trash like you has no rights to lay a hand on anyone. I'll teach you your place if I have to beat it into you." Strongbow growled as he hauled the terrified boy down the steps into the cellar. "Now, let's start your lessons. Take off your shirt." Johnny quickly pulled his shirt over his head and laid it on the ground. Looking up into the harsh cold eyes of the big man he shivered, and the next thing he knew he was laying flat on his back and the side of his face hurt. Tears came unbidden to his eyes. _

"_God Damn insolent piece of trash, how dare you look me in the eyes. You will never be worthy of looking anyone in the eyes because you are NOTHING! Now get up and go over to that post and pull down your pants." Shaking Johnny got to his feet and walked over to the center support beam and pulled down his pants. "Now turn around and put your arms around the post." _

_Johnny did as he was told, his bare stomach and arms pressed into the rough wood. He heard the metal click of Strongbow's belt buckle and the swish of the leather being pulled free from belt loops. He felt the big man come up behind him and bend close to his ear, his hot breath stinking of alcohol, "If you move, I will start over. If you let go of the post, I will start over. If you cry out or scream or make any sound, I will start over. You will stand there and take your punishment because you broke the rules. You misbehave, you have to be punished." And with that, the big man took a step to the side and swung the heavy leather belt. It landed with a loud 'thwack' and a blistering sting across Johnny's back and the young boy couldn't help but cry out and flinch to the side. _

_Strongbow grabbed his hair and pulled his head back at an awkward angle, "Damn it boy can't you follow simple instructions? Didn't I just tell you not to move or make a sound? If you can't follow the rules then I'm just going to have to start your lesson over. Strongbow had to 'start the lesson over' three times. _

_By the time all was said and done, 20 lashes left red and sometimes bleeding welts from his shoulder blades to his thighs. Each lash emphasizing a rule to follow; don't move, don't cry out, don't look anyone in the eye because you are trash beneath their feet, don't speak unless spoken to, if someone hits you then you deserved it, if someone pushes you then you deserved it, you will eat what you are given and not ask for more, you will not sit with the family because you are not part of the family, when someone tells you to do something you will do it right away, you will not tell anyone about these 'lessons' because they will not believe you. The list went on and Strongbow had promised him that if he broke any of the rules, that they would all be repeated in the same manor._

_Strongbow left him standing there, arms clinching the post for support. Johnny dared not move for fear that Strongbow would come back down and punish him again because he hadn't told him he could move. He had no idea how long he stood there, but he must have dozed off because he started awake when he heard the creek of the cellar door open and foot steps coming down the steps. The steps were light and tentative, they didn't' sound like Strongbow's but he still dared not move. Honestly he didn't know if he could move even if he wanted to. His arms had gone numb a while ago. Slowly the footsteps came closer to him and he heard a small gasp. He heard his mother's soft tear filled whisper, "Oh my god, why Johnny, why?" _

_She took a hold of one of his arms and tried to pull it from the post, he hugged it even tighter. "Let go Johnny, it's okay now, I've got you." Slowly Johnny let go of the post and collapsed into his mother's arms, his body shook uncontrollably. Gently she rocked him and whispered, "It's okay, you're going to be okay, you just need to be a good boy and follow Strongbow's rules and he won't ever have to punish you again. You just have to be a good boy." The little boy's hand reached up to his mother's face tentatively before falling back to his side as he slid into blissful unconsciousness._

'I tried to be good Momma, I tried. Roy! Please, help me. Anyone?' Johnny's hand fell back to the hospital bed as his mind slipped further into the darkness.


	11. Chapter 11

_For all those anxiously waiting here it is finally, Chapter 11. This chapter deals more with the people around Johnny and finally brings Johnny's Aunt Rosa into the picture and revisits the two children Johnny rescued. The chapter also deals with some new age spiritual healing. I am by no means a practitioner of Reiki, I have friends who are, and I have had Reiki performed on me. All that I have written in this chapter on that subject are personal experiences with it and what I have found on the internet._

_As always I love feedback, so I encourage you, even if you have given me feed back before please do so again to let me know how you think the story is coming along, if you would like to see more or less of something. I can't promises I will follow your suggestions, but I will consider them. Thanks again to all those who regularly post feedback. _

_The legalese was mentioned at the beginning of the story so please review it there, no use in repeating it here. _

Chapter 11

"Are you up to this?" Rosa asked, looking over to the woman sitting next to her in the car.

"He is important to you, so he is important to me. We are family." Barb smiled, "How could I ever deny you?"

"There will be a lot of hurt people in there, both physically and mentally. I don't want you to get too overwhelmed. I know you, you will want to heal them all." Rosa cautioned.

Barb reached over and affectionately took the hand of her life partner, "And I know you, you will be there to make sure I stay grounded and sane. Now let's get in there and take care of that nephew of yours."

Rosa squeezed the hand holding hers, smiled and then mouthed the words, 'I love you.' With that the two ladies exited the car and walked toward the main entrance to Rampart Hospital. With the assistance of the Information Desk Volunteer, it didn't take them long to locate the room they were looking for. Opening the door Rosa breezed into the room, all sunshine and smiles.

"Aunt Rosa, Aunt Barb," Erin exclaimed as she stood up and hugged the two ladies as they came into the room, "I am so glad you could make it. Let me introduce you to Johnny's best friend and Soul Brother, Roy De Soto. Roy, this is Johnny and my Aunt Rosamund Gage and her life partner Barbara Visser."

Roy stood and shook each of the ladies hands. Rosa was tall with an athletic build. Her long dark hair sprinkled with grey was pulled back into a pony tail at the nape of her neck. Barbara was shorter with a softer rounder figure. Her light blondish grey hair was cut short. With formalities out of the way, Rosa looked around the room and sighed, "Why do they have to make rooms where people are trying to get well so dreary. If I had to stare at these four walls day and night, I would close my eyes and refuse to wake up too. Well we are just going to have to make this place more desirable to wake up in." Bending down she pulled out of one of the bags a bushy green plant, sat it on the table and the opened the curtains wide, letting the sunshine stream in. Meanwhile Barbara had walked over and replaced the drab fading blanket covering Johnny with a bright multi-colored quilt with symbols on it

Roy walked over to look closer at the quilt as Barbara traced each one of the symbols and said a word three times. When she was done, Roy asked with curiosity what the symbols were for.

"These are Reiki symbols, they will help heal Johnny where the medicines can not. The first symbol is Cho Ku Rei and it represents Power. It will help me draw energy from around me and focus it where I need it. The second is the Sei Hei Ki and it is the Mental or the Emotional Symbol. It helps calm the mind, heals past traumas, and removes negative energy. I feel a lot of negative energy around your young friend. The third is the Tam A Ra Sha or the Balancing Symbol. It will help unlock the Chakras and balance and ground the energies as they flow. The last is the Dai Ko Myo which is also know as the Master Symbol. It is used to help heal the soul," Barbara paused and looked up at the tall man standing next to her. "Erin introduced you as Johnny's Soul Brother, is this true? Are you the protector of his soul?"

Roy looked down at his friend and with out hesitation answered, "Yes."

"Good, then once I have cleared away all the negative, hurtful energy that is surrounding your brother you will need to talk to him about hope and love."

"Talk to him?" Roy asked a little skeptically. "He's unconscious."

"Just because his eyes are closed, doesn't mean he can't hear you. Isn't that right Johnny?" Barb said as she turned and patted his hand. "You need to talk to his soul. He will hear you. I would like to get started right away, before anymore damage is done. Will you be able to stay the night with him to reassure him and encourage him and let him know there are those here who love him?"

Roy nodded his head and then said he would call his wife and let her know he would be spending the night. Barb turned to Johnny and laid her hands on either side of his head near his temples. After a few seconds she slid her hands to the back of his head near where the base of the skull attaches to the neck and from there her hands slid to either side of his neck. She then moved on to place her hands over his heart, his solar plexus, his abdomen and his hips. Stepping back she shook her head. "There is a lot of work to be done. The energies are all tied up into so many knots it will take a while to release them all. Roy, why don't you and Erin go get something to eat. Rosa, why don't you go with them and see if you can find some chocolate. I am sure I will want some when I am done."

"Maybe I should stay here," Rosa said as she put her hand on Barb's shoulder. "I'm sure Erin and Roy can bring back some chocolate."

Barb smiled and reached up and put a hand on Rosa's cheek, "No offense my love, but your nervous energy is creating a bit of a distraction. I am going to need some quiet time with Johnny."

Rosa leaned over and kissed her life partner gently on the lips and smiled, "I'll be back in an hour to check on you."

Barb hugged Rosa and then turned back to Johnny, again placing her hands on Johnny's head, but this time leaving them there. Rosa and Erin gathered Roy, who was also hesitant to leave, and headed for the door. Erin stopped at the desk and asked the Head Nurse, Doris Parks, if it would be okay to place a 'Do Not Disturb' on Johnny's room for about an hour and to limit hospital staff from going in too. Doris looked skeptical and turned to Roy, who knew Doris from previous occasions. Roy reassured her that it was in Johnny's best interests as a friend was working on a spiritual healing. Doris smiled and nodded and then took out a blank piece of paper and wrote on it, 'Please Do Not Disturb, Please see Doris Parks at the Nurse's desk before entering.' She handed Roy the note and a piece of tape and asked if that would do. Roy thanked her and taped the message to Johnny's door before heading down to the cafeteria.

Roy hadn't realized how hungry he was until he reached the cafeteria. Sitting down at the table he listened to Erin and her Aunt catch up while he ate. Roy asked about the clinic that Rosa and Barb ran and Rosa asked about the Paramedic Program. During their time in the cafeteria, several Nurses and a couple Doctors stopped by to ask Roy how Johnny was doing.

As they were cleaning up their trays to leave Rosa commented, "Boy, Johnny sure knows a lot of Nurses. He hasn't been hospitalized that much has he?"

Roy smiled and shook his head, "Johnny has been in Rampart a couple times, and he does seem to make an impression on the Nurses, but most of those were young ladies Johnny has either dated or tried to date."

"So my nephew is quite the charmer like his father was. My brother could just smile at the girls and they would fall all over themselves."

"Well…. Johnny definitely has the smile and the charm, but I think anytime any of them get too close, he gets cold feet and either they break things off or he does. Johnny unfortunately just doesn't know how to stay the course, and now that I've gotten a chance to learn more about his back ground I can understand a little better why he has some commitment issues."

"So you've known Johnny since he joined the Paramedics program and you know the story of his up bringing, what about the time from when he came to L.A. through his beginnings in the Fire Department?"

"Unfortunately that area is still a little grey. I know he lived with Carol Kemp's brother Nick in a Hippie Commune when he first got here."

Rosa snorted, "I'm sure **that** made quiet an impression on a young boy from a very sheltered life. I bet there are some interesting stories there."

Roy looked thoughtful for a moment; he had heard stories about the free life styles in those communes. He shuddered as he thought about an emotionally and physically abused child in the beginning stages of becoming a teenager, being thrust into a world of no boundaries. "I bet those are some interesting stories. Maybe someday Johnny will share that part of his life too."

"Maybe when I get back to Montana I'll see if Carol knows anything about that time in Johnny's life." Erin offered, and then looking at her watch she suggested, "We still have some time, do you want to meet the little girl and boy Johnny rescued?"

"That sounds wonderful," Rosa said as they turned and headed toward the elevator.

When they arrived at the Pediatrics Ward, Erin approached the Nurse's Desk and spoke with a petite blond haired Nurse.

After a few minutes, Erin returned and advised them that the kids had just finished dinner and were in their room playing before bed time. Walking down the hall, they came to the room and peeked in. The young girl was intently playing with a ball of Silly Putty, stretching it out and then rolling it back again into a ball, then flattening it out, pressing it to a section of the Comic's page of the newspaper, pealing it back up, stretching it out and then repeating the process. The young boy sat opposite of her playing with the egg shaped container the Silly Putty had come in, spinning it around and around on the floor.

Leaning back away from the door Erin whispered to Roy and Rosa, "The little boy spooks easily so don't make any sudden moves or loud noises."

Slowly the three entered the room. "Hi Susie, remember me? I came by and visited you earlier today," Erin said with a smile on her face and in her voice.

"I remember you, you're Erin. You're the cousin of the man who rescued us." Susie said, returning the smile. The smile quickly faded as she looked behind Erin to the other two people standing there. Scooting quickly over to sit beside her brother she put her hand on his leg. The young boy stopped moving and became as still as a statue. "Are they here to take Billy away?" she asked with both fierce determination and fear mixed in her voice.

Erin smiled again and stepped to the side, "No Honey, they aren't going to take Billy away. This is Johnny's best friend Roy, he's a fireman like Johnny, and this is Johnny's Aunt Rosa. They are here to visit with Johnny and help take care of him. They also wanted to meet you and Billy."

Rosa stepped forward and crouched down to the little girls level, sticking out her hand she smiled and said, "It's a pleasure to meet you Susie and you too Billy."

Susie looked to Erin, who smiled and nodded, and then took the proffered hand and shook it, "It's nice to meet you too." Once Billy felt his sister relax he went back to spinning his egg.

"It looks like you were having some fun with the Silly Putty when we came in." Rosa said sitting on the ground opposite the young girl. Roy and Erin made their way over to the bed and sat down.

"It's magic," Susie said with wide eyed amazement. "You wanna see?"

"Sure, I love magic."

Susie rolled the ball up again and then flattened it. "Who is your favorite Cartoon Character?"

"I would have to say Ziggy."

Susie searched through the paper and located the Ziggy cartoon and placed the Silly Putty on top of it and pressed hard. Slowly pulling the Silly Putty back up she proudly displayed the fact that the image on the paper was now on the Silly Putty, and further more, when you stretched it in different ways the image was distorted. First she made Ziggy very tall and thin and then very wide. Rosa giggled with Susie as the middle of the imaged sagged and became even more distorted.

"If you like Magic, I can show you another trick." Rosa said as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a nickel.

"You know magic?" Susie asked all wide eyed again.

"I know a couple tricks." Rosa said as she began to roll the coin around in her hands and between her fingers, making it disappear from one hand and appear in the other and then miraculously appear behind the young girl's ear. During all this Billy had stopped spinning the egg and stared transfixed on Rosa's hands. Noticing this, Rosa rolled the coin around between her two hands in several quick movements and then closed her fists and held them out to the little boy and asked, "Which hand is the coin in Billy?"

Without hesitation Billy pointed to right hand which she opened to reveal the coin. She did this five more times, each time making her movements more complex and each time he identified the correct hand. Erin and Roy had leaned forward to watch and even they had guessed the wrong hand on some occasions. They had even admitted on the times they did choose the correct hand that it was pure random guess, but Billy never waivered. As soon as the hands stopped his hand was out pointing to the correct hand.

Susie smiled and looked up at the group of adults, "Billy sees things differently, he's special that way."

"Yes," Rosa agreed, "he is a very special little boy. And you, you are a very special young girl too for watching out for him and taking such good care of him."

Susie looked at Rosa with eyes that were way too old for such a young face, "I'm all he's got. No one else wants him, not even Mama. He can't help it if he's different; it's just the way he was born."

"You are so smart Susie, and so sweet." Rosa looked at the clock on the wall, "We have to get back to Johnny now, would it be okay if I came back tomorrow to play with you and Billy some more?"

"Sure, Billy and I would like that." Susie said, all smiles. Then her face grew serious again, "Would it be okay if we came to visit Johnny too? I want to think him for rescuing us."

"I think that would be a lovely idea, how about tomorrow after lunch time?"

The trip back to Johnny's room was filled with talk about the kids, about all that had happened to them, and questions and concerns about what would become of them.

Arriving back at Johnny's room, Rosa slowly peeked in to find Barb sitting in a chair next to the bed. Her hand lay resting on Johnny's arm, her eyes closed as she hummed a soft tune. Without turning her head or opening her eyes Barb invited the group to come in.

"Sorry, didn't want to disturb any thing," Rosa said as she came in and laid a hand on Barb's shoulder and bent down to kiss her lightly on the cheek.

"Its okay, Johnny and I have gotten about as far as we can tonight. It was a rough go of it there for a little while. There was a lot of negative shit that made the waters murky and dark. I was able to get past most of it and shed some light in there, but he seemed reluctant to except the path I had created for him to reach the surface. He didn't know my voice so he was too afraid to follow it. When I leave he is going to be looking for that light again, he is going to be listening for a voice he recognizes and one he can trust." Barb said as she looked up at Roy.

"That sounds like my queue. Let me hit the restroom, give Joanne a quick call, and get myself together before I settle in for the night." Roy said as he turned and headed into the bathroom.

Johnny sat in the pool of light that had come to surround him and ease his aches, even though he couldn't understand the words, a feminine voice conveyed understanding and support. But he didn't recognize the voice and he was afraid it was a trap, so he just sat there. Soon he saw other rays of light and each one carried a different voice, but they were muffled and hard to understand, but some of them felt familiar. He so much wanted to reach those voices but he couldn't move. He felt like shouting, 'Hey over here, please help me.' But he couldn't even find his voice. He seemed to choke on the words. He fought the choking sensation, he couldn't breathe and he wanted to breathe, he needed to breathe. The lights gathered close, assured him, eased him and then he was able to breath again, but he was tired and the lights were getting further away and the voices got quieter. And then it was dark again, but he felt more at peace. He would lie there quietly and wait for the light to come back and find him, because he knew that one of those voices was someone he could trust. He knew that one of those voices belonged to Roy.

A half an hour later after one of the Doctors had removed the vent, Roy walked out of the room with Rosa, Barb, and Erin. "Well that's encouraging. He must be getting closer to consciousness if he fought the vent and is breathing now on his own. Well I better get back in there before he thinks we've all abandoned him. I'll see you all tomorrow." Roy said with a hint of optimism in his voice.


	12. Chapter 12

_Okay folks, it was late at night when I posted this story and didn't realize it was an older version that was not complete. I am hopefully reposting this chapter with the correct and total chapter._

_Here is a short synopsis of what is leading up to this chapter since it has been so long since I last posted. Johnny while off duty rescued 2 kids from a fire but of course was injured in the process, but not to gravely. While on the way to the hospital, Brice rode in with him and noticed Johnny's scars and while thinking Johnny was unconscious asked if Johnny disserved those scars like is brother did for not obeying his parents. Johnny did hear what Brice said and started to doubt that he didn't disserve the abuse. He felt like he was drowning and couldn't find a life line. While at the hospital Johnny was given too much morphine and crashed and had to be put on a vent. The meds worked themselves out of his system but he still didn't wake up. So it is up to Roy to try to encourage him to wake up, and that is what this chapter is about. (thanks Jada for the suggestion on adding this)_

_Wow this was the toughest chapter to write. I wrote it all in Roy's perspective, and it is just him talking. This is the first time I have ever done anything like this so I hope you like it. Hopefully it hasn't been so long that you forgot what has happened in the previous chapters ( I know I had to go back several times and remind myself). _

_I want to give a quick shout out to Ginger who keeps inspiring me to write. _

_So with out further ado, I give you Chapter 12._

_The legalese was mentioned at the beginning of the story so please review it there, no use in repeating it here. _

Chapter 12

Roy sat in the chair next to the bed, his hands folded in his lap, his eyes staring not at his friend lying there silently, but somewhere a little past him, "out in space". Before she had left Barb had said that even though Johnny was unconscious that he could still hear what was going on around him and that Roy should talk to him and let him know that he was wanted and needed and that life was worth waking up for.

_So, where do I start? What am I suppose to say? God this is going to sound so strange if someone comes in here and finds me talking to myself. Deep breath, okay here goes nothing. _"Hey Junior, I met your Aunt Rosa today. She's really something, a real take charge kind of woman. I think you will really like her. Her partner, Barb is really sweet, but then again maybe you already know that if what she says is true and you can really hear what is going on around you. And if that is true, then why in the hell - don't – you - just – wake - up?" Roy stood up and ran his hands through hair. _Great Roy, real supportive, I certainly wouldn't want to wake up with someone yelling at me. _Taking another deep breath he sat down in the chair again and leaned forward, his forearms resting on his knees.

"Sorry, that was so way out of line. The last thing you need is someone yelling at you. Good thing Joanne wasn't here or I would be in the bed next to you. Speaking of Joanne, she sends her love and said she would stop by tomorrow. Jenny and Chris wanted to come too, but I thought it would be better if they waited until you were, well, a little more up to receiving visitors. Jenny said that since she couldn't come to see you and kiss your boo boo and make it all better then I was to kiss it for her." Roy paused and looked at Johnny lying there quietly, looked toward the door, and then back to Johnny. Sighing he shook his head, "You better wake up soon Junior because I don't want to have to kiss you. Maybe I could get one of those pretty nurses to come in and kiss you." Roy shook his head and chuckled, "Now I am making it sound like you are some sort of 'sleeping beauty'. Good thing Chet is not here otherwise you would never live that one down. At least with Sleeping Beauty we knew why she was asleep, an evil witch cursed her; but you have never had the pleasure of meeting my Mother-in-Law so I think we can rule out the evil witch thing."

Roy leaned over to the bedside table and poured himself a drink of water. Took a couple swallows and then held the cup in both hands between his knees. He sat staring at the water in the cup for several minutes then looked up at his partner lying there so still. "Man, I'm not good at this, I have no idea what I'm doing. What I am trying to do is throw you a rope, but I just keep sitting here staring at the damn thing in my mind like I've never thrown a line to someone before. What do you want to hear? What am I suppose to say to make you want to come back? Do you want me to tell you that you have friends that are worried sick about you? Well if you didn't know that then you should. Cap was here about ready to bite someone's head off as soon as he heard what had happened with the morphine. Don't tell anyone this, and you didn't hear it from me, but I think he thinks of you as the son he never had. And Mike, he has been calling every hour for an update. The ladies at the nurse's station know his voice by heart now. Which is kind of funny for a guy that barely uses it. Marco said that his mother, upon hearing that you were in the hospital, immediately went down to Saint Mary's, lit a candle for you and was on her knees for an hour praying. And then there's Chet, yeah I know you don't think he really cares for you; but Marco told me that when you get back to work, if you are ever running late, he plans on screwing up in someway so that you won't be assigned latrine duty. Now if that is not friendship, I don't know what is. And of course there are Dixie, and Dr. Bracket, and Dr. Early. And just think of all the pretty nurses you would be missing out on. I think there is a new one in Pediatrics; I've heard some of the guys talking about her. Speaking of Peds, I got a chance to meet the two kids you rescued. The little girl wanted to know when they could come and thank you. I told them you were still resting and that as soon as you feel up to it they can visit. They will probably stay here at the hospital for a little while longer until they can figure out what to do with then. The good news is they won't be going back to their mom. The courts ruled that she was unfit and she actually relinquished her custodial rights. At least the system is working for them. I sure hope they find a good place that will take them both."

Roy stood up and walked over to the window and looked out at the parking lot below. An ambulance had pulled under the building and was backing up to the Emergency room door; it was shortly followed by 24's Squad. "It looks like the guys at 24 are bringing someone in. I hope it's nothing too serious. Course then again sometimes something minor can turn serious. Case in point," he said, turning back toward the bed and pointing with the cup of water toward Johnny. Leaning with his back against the window and his butt on the window sill, Roy looked toward the ceiling, "The thing is, none of us can figure out why you are not awake yet. I mean, yeah, you did get a good knock to the head when that ceiling collapsed, and you did eat a fair amount of smoke, and the morphine they gave you last night knocked you for a loop, but I've seen you take worse then that and practically run out of this hospital rather then being emitted. Heck you could have a beam impaled in you and you would claim it was just a splinter."

Roy got a far away look in his eyes, "Of course with all that you've been through in your life, the 'bumps and bruises' you get on the job are probably 'nothing'. From the little you've told me, and I am sure there is much more that you aren't telling me, I could never begin to fathom how you survived. I am sure you were probably told or given the impression that you deserved everything that happened to you, but nobody and I mean nobody deserves to go through what you went through and be treated the way you were. What's scary is that there are others out there, right now, who are being mistreated and abused all because someone with a sick mind thinks it's the right thing to do. And the sad thing is most of them will go to their grave believing they deserved it. Some of them may even just give up hope and take their own life." Roy shuddered at the thought, and his voice dropped into a husky rasp as emotions filled his words, "You don't know how grateful I am that you beat the odds and survived. You have to be one of the strongest, most resilient persons I have ever met. And I know you are going to beat this too, what ever it is that is going on with you. You have to beat it." Roy turned toward the window and the darkness, his voice coming out in barely a whisper, "I need you to beat it. I need you."

Behind him the still figure in the bed moved ever so slightly. The right hand fingers briefly straightened as if reaching for something and then closed in a tight fist.


	13. Chapter 13

_Yeah! I actually updated with a new chapter in just a little over a month. Here is chapter 13. There is a lot more Johnny in it, yes he is finally awake. It over laps some of the previous chapters in the first couple paragraphs to kind of remind everyone where Johnny's spirit has been and what's been happening to him internally. By the way, I changed the ending to chapter 11 so it fits in better with this chapter, so you might want to go back and at least read the part after Roy gets back to the room with Rosa and Erin._

_As always I love feedback, so I encourage you, even if you have given me feed back before please do so again to let me know how you think the story is coming along, if you would like to see more or less of something. I can't promises I will follow your suggestions, but I will consider them. Thanks again to all those who regularly post feedback. _

_The legalese was mentioned at the beginning of the story so please review it there, no use in repeating it here. _

Chapter 13

Johnny felt the coldness of the morphine overtake his body, dragging him down to a place where there was no light, no warmth, no happiness. The water of the giant ocean of guilt and shame suffocating him. He looked around as the world grew darker, nothing to grab onto, no line, no hand, no one to pull him back to the surface. Tired and worn out from fighting he gave into the desolate darkness of despair and let himself be taken to its depths.

He had no idea how long he had been laying there at the bottom of that cold dark ocean when slowly he felt something touch him. Years of abuse taught him never to trust. Frightened, he curled tighter into himself. But the touch did not go away, instead it became warmer and it spread over the rest of his body, easing the aches and pains of his body and soul. In the distance he heard a soft feminine voice. He couldn't make out the words, but the tone that floated down to him on a ray of light was filled with acceptance and love. He hesitated, afraid to reach out to the voice, he did not know this voice, it could be a trap. Suddenly his dark ocean was filled with tiny rays of light and faint echoes of whispered voices. He hesitated, e Hwhat did those other lights bring? Would he find warmth and acceptance in those lights too? He had wanted to call out to them, but he couldn't because something was choking him and that scared him. He fought and it wore him out, but in the end he could breathe. To tired to do anything else he just laid there and watched the other lights dim one by one and slowly the one he sat beneath dimmed and faded too. It was dark again. He missed the light; he didn't want to sit here in the darkness any longer. But he would be patient; he would wait for the one light he could trust, for he knew it would come.

Tentatively a small beam of light slowly filtered down from above. It seemed to hesitate for a moment, retreat, gather strength and then land next to him. Slowly, Johnny extended his hand to the light and felt nervous energy. Frightened he pulled his hand back. But the light clung to his fingers, and he realized that in the light he also felt compassion and understanding. Slowly he stuck his hand back in and he felt the strong chords of a masculine voice, a voice that brought comfort and familiarity. This was a voice he wanted to go to, but the light was insubstantial and slipped through his fingers. He needed something firm to grasp onto. He listened as the voice grew more confident and then as it slipped into desperation. And then the voice, even though it was but a whisper, filled the ocean, 'I need you.' Johnny reached out and grabbed those words that were stronger than any safety line ever thrown to him, for he knew who spoke those words, Roy.

"Roy," the figure lying on the hospital bed whispered quietly. Roy spun in place, for all though the word had been but a whisper, it had filled the silent hospital room. He was at the side of the bed in two steps, "Johnny?" Grabbing the hand that was curled into a tight fist Roy held on tight, "Come on Johnny, I'm right here, you can do it, just a little bit further."

Johnny looked up toward the surface of the ocean and saw a hand reach out and grab his wrist. The grasp was firm and encouraging. Releasing the lifeline, he grasped the hand with all his strength, Roy!

The fist Roy had been holding uncurled and then grabbed his hand in a bone crushing grasp, "Roy!" the voice said a little louder. "That's right Johnny, its Roy. I need you to open your eyes for me," Roy encouraged with a slight grimace in his voice as his fingers started to go numb.

The hand pulled Johnny through the surface of the water and he blinked several times, trying to bring his vision into focus. Looking around in confusion, his eyes finally came to rest on what he was searching for, and the breath that he seemed to be holding forever rushed out of him in a sigh of relief, "Roy."

"That's right partner, I'm right here. Glad to have you back." Roy said with a big smile on his face.

"How long," Johnny asked, his eyes never leaving Roy's.

"You've been unconscious for just over 24 hours."

"Thanks …., for comin to find me …., n not giving up."

"Any time partner, any time. But do you think you could do me a favor?" Roy asked, the pain he had been trying to suppress clearly evident in his voice now.

More alert now, Johnny looked worriedly at his friend, "You okay? Do you need me to call for help?"

"I'll be fine, if you could release the death grip you have on my hand." Roy said trying to smile.

Immediately Johnny's hand flew open and Roy yanked his hand back toward his own chest, swearing softly as the sensation of pins and needles jabbing every square inch of his hand hit him full force.

"You okay?" Johnny asked and then couldn't stop a big yawn from escaping.

"Yeah, once the circulation returns." Roy said, ruefully rubbing his hand.

"Hey Roy," Johnny said before yawning again.

"Yeah," Roy responded looking up.

"Next time try and remember not to hold onto the hand of an unconscious victim when they are starting to wake up. You can get hurt that way." Johnny yawned again.

"Thanks," Roy replied a bit sarcastically. "I'll try and remember that." Then as an after thought as he saw his friend's eyes start to close, "as long as you remember to wake up on your own tomorrow."

"Deal," came the half mumbled response as Johnny drifted off into restful sleep.

Roy smiled, leaned over and brushed the stray lock of hair off of Johnny's forehead, "Sleep well friend." Slowly walking over to the other bed he sat down on the edge and wearily looked up to the ceiling. Saying a brief prayer of thanks to which ever deity had been watching over his friend he lay back on the bed; and as the weight of the world eased from his shoulders he fell into blissful slumber.

"How long has he been asleep?"

"I'm not certain, but probably about 12 hours."

"12 hours, shouldn't he be awake by now?"

"He was pretty exhausted."

"Do you think he can hear us, or is that only when you're unconscious? You know, when you're not just sleeping?"

"I can hear you. And I'm not sleeping. Well at least not anymore." Roy said as he rubbed his eyes and sat up in the bed, pushing the blanket that had been thrown over him during the night to the side. "Well Junior, it's good to see you managed to wake up on your own this morning."

"Yep, been up since 8 a.m. And it's a good thing I didn't wait around for you to wake me up, otherwise I would have slept half the day away, and missed visiting with everyone who stopped by, including this beautiful lady." Johnny replied with a twinkle in his eye.

Joanne stepped over to the side of the bed where Roy now sat with his feet dangling over the side and wrapped her arms around him, "Good morning handsome."

"Good morning gorgeous," he replied as he leaned in and kissed her deeply, pulling her tight to him. They stood there several minutes lost in each others presence, only breaking apart when they heard a distinctly feminine 'Ahem' behind them. Startled, Roy looked up to find Dixie entering the room.

"Do I need to find you two a private room?" Dixie said with a slight smirk in her voice as she crossed her arms in front of her.

"Umm, sorry, kind of got carried away." Roy said sheepishly as a slight pink rose in his cheeks. "And you," Roy said, looking over to where Johnny sat with a big goofy grin on his face, "You could've said something."

Johnny shrugged his shoulders, "Why? I've seen more intense displays of public affection before then that. That was nothing"

"Was that when you were living with Nick and his group?" Roy tentatively asked.

"Yeah, they were really into expressing their love for one another wherever and however they felt like it." Johnny replied with a far off look in his eyes.

"And you were okay with that?" Joanne asked quietly, knowing that he had to have been all of 14 when he went to live with Nick.

"It took a little getting use to in the beginning, but when everyone is doing something, then it just becomes common place and natural." Johnny shrugged his shoulders again. Turning to look at Dixie, he conjured up one of his best Gage grins, "So. When am I getting out of here?" And the room broke out in laughter. "What, I feel fine, really. It was just a couple scratches."

"Just a couple scratches hmm? I remember cleaning out those "scratches" and helping to suture then closed. I think I would call those a little bit more then scratches. Then there's the mater of the 24 hour nap you took, not to mention the ventilator you were hooked up to." And as Johnny opened up his mouth to protest Dixie held up her hand to silence him, "Besides, I'm not the one you need to convince, that would be Dr. Brackett, and he is not here today, so save your breath."

"What about one of the other Docs? Couldn't one of them give me the once over and then sign my papers." Johnny pleaded.

Dixie shook her head, "Sorry Johnny, Brackett left strict orders in your chart that no one is to release you until he has had a chance to give you a thorough exam. He had to fly up to the Capital today to give testimony on the State's attempts to broaden the Paramedic program. He will be flying in late tonight and will be back first thing tomorrow morning."

Johnny sunk back into the pillows, his arms across his chest and a scowl on his face.

"Try and look on the bright side." Dixie said smiling.

"And what prey tell would be the bright side of being stuck here for another 24 hours?"

"Well I know of at least 2 or 3 young nurses on the afternoon and evening shift who have been talking non stop about 'that brave fireman who rescued those two adorable children'. I'm sure that once the word gets out that you're awake, that they are going to find any excuse to come up here so they can meet you." Dixie smiled as she noted Johnny's curiosity peaked.

"Really, they want to meet me?" Expressions of amazement, embarrassment, and delight mixed into a sly boyish grin on his face, "Well I wouldn't want to disappoint them by not being here. I guess I could stay another 24 hours." Johnny held up his finger and looked sternly at the group, "But only 24 hours. Brackett better be back and ready to sign those discharge papers tomorrow."

"That, you will have to take up with the good doctor tomorrow." Dixie looked down at her watch, "Well, I better get back down to the E.R. before Joe has the place in a shambles." Walking up to the side of Johnny's bed she reached up and brushed a stray lock of hair out of his eyes and then bent over and kissed him on the cheek, "And you, young man, you behave yourself." And before Johnny could get a word in edgewise, she turned and left the room.

Johnny stared at the retreating figure in shock and indignation, "Behave myself," he said turning to look at Joanne and Roy, "what does she mean by that? I always behave myself."

Roy gave him one of those 'who are you trying to kid' looks, but said nothing. Joanne tried to suppress a smile behind her hand. Johnny broke into a big lopsided grin, "Well, I guess I have been known to bend a few rules here and there."

Joanne stepped up to the bed and put her hand on Johnny's arm, "We should probably get going too. The Stanley girls are watching Jen and Chris and I told Maggie I would have them home before 2. We'll probably stop back by this evening, can we get you anything?"

"Real food!"

"I'm sure we can smuggle something in for you," Roy said as he came and stood by Joanne. "Are you going to be okay if we leave?"

"It's okay, I was kind of lost there for a little bit, started doubting myself, started thinking that maybe everything that had happened to me growing up was my fault…."

"Oh Johnny," Joanne's voice jumped in at the same time as Roy's, "Don't ever think that."

"No, no, it's okay. I guess all along in the back of my head there still existed a small voice that kept saying, if I had only behaved, if I had only followed the rules, then Strongbow wouldn't have had to do all those things he did to me." Johnny held up his hand, forestalling the objections he knew were on the tip of Joanne and Roy's tongues.

"But something happened when I was unconscious, I felt like all the doubt that had tied it's self around me was slowly unraveled. Not just one or two strings cut, but the whole mess, carefully untwisted. Then when I heard your voice, and you pulled me to the surface, any doubt that had remained fell off me and stayed behind. For once in my life, I can truly see that I had no control over what Strongbow did to me and that no matter how 'good' I tried to be, he would have still found reasons to hate me and abuse me."

"I'm glad you were able to work that all out Junior, I thought I was going to have to knock some sense into you." Roy said with a smile.

"You just try Pally, you just try." Johnny came back with his crooked grin.

"Well, we really should get going. We'll see you around dinner time Johnny," Joanne said as she gave him a brief hug.

"See you later," Johnny said as he leaned back on the bed and reached for the TV remote. Sitting back up real quickly, he leaned toward the door and hollered toward the retreating figures, "Don't forget the food." Smiling, he leaned back again and turned the TV on, flipping to one of those afternoon drama shows. At least his life wasn't as messed up as the poor people on those shows.

Johnny didn't have to 'suffer' through watching too much of the afternoon drama show, before voices in the hall announced the arrival of more visitors.

"Johnny, you awake? We brought two very special visitors who have been real anxious to meet you." Johnny's Aunt Rosa's voice came from the doorway.

"Sure come on in," Johnny said sitting up a little straighter in bed and turning off the T.V.

Rosa entered followed by Barb who was pushing a wheelchair with two small figures in it. The young towheaded girl smiled engagingly up at him with big blue eyes. The younger boy sitting next to her, with darker curlier hair and darker brown skin, stared up at the ceiling and rocked his head and shoulders forwards and backwards ever so slightly. Barb made the introductions, "Johnny, this is Susie and her brother Billy. Susie, Billy, this is Johnny, the man who rescued you from the fire."

"I just wanted to thank you for coming in to find me and then going back in to get Billy. You are the bravest person I have ever met." Susie said with awe in her voice.

"Well, from what I saw and understand, you were pretty brave too, trying to get to the keys to get your brother free. I see they guys down in orthopedics did a really good job on that cast. Really smooth surface, perfect for getting signatures on." Johnny said with his best Gage grin.

Susie beamed with pride, "I already got all the nurses on the floor, Miss. Rosa, Miss. Barb, and even two Doctors. Would you sign it too?"

"I would be honored. Does anyone have a pen?"

"I think I have one somewhere in this bag," Rosa replied, while Susie hopped out of the wheelchair and over to Johnny's bedside. Johnny found a spot, just below the wrist, on the side with the thumb and wrote, 'To the prettiest girl in all of Rampart, Love Johnny.'

Susie looked at it and smiled, "Wow, thanks, wait until I show all the nurses." Susie then turned to her brother still in the chair, "Billy," she paused for a second, "Billy, where's sissy? Can you find sissy?" Slowly the young boy turned his head toward the direction of her voice and stared at her with his head cocked to one side. "Good job Billy, do you want to come over and meet Mr. Johnny? He's the one that rescued you from the fire." Billy stared at her for a few more minutes and then slowly turned his face back up toward the ceiling and started rocking again.

Susie looked a little crestfallen, "Sorry, he's a little shy around other people, especially men. The men Mommy use to bring home would push him around and sometimes hit him to see if they could get him to respond. They called him names and laughed at him."

"I can see why Billy wouldn't like men too much then," Rosa said as she sat down on the end of Johnny's bed. "What about your father, does Billy get a long with him?"

"My Daddy only lived with Mommy and me until she got pregnant from Billy's Daddy. I don't think Billy would have liked my Daddy either, he use to scream a lot at Mommy and me. Billy doesn't like loud noises."

"What about Billy's Daddy?" Rosa further encouraged.

"Mommy never brought Billy's Daddy home, but I think his first name might be Stan because Mommy would often look at Billy and say 'that's what I get from a one nice Stan'."

All the adults in the room found it difficult to keep a straight face as they realized the young girl must have miss interpreted what her mother had said, when in reality, what her mother was probably saying was 'a one night stand'.

"What about the rest of your family, does Billy like them?" Barb asked as she picked up the little boy and started swaying side to side with him.

"We don't have any other family."

"Does your Mommy ever talk about her Mommy or Daddy?"

"We went to this one house once, right after Billy was born and we were living in one of the shelters. It was right after Christmas and it was cold. Mommy had said we were going to visit her Mommy and Daddy, but she must have forgotten where they lived because the lady who answered the door yelled at mommy and called her and me and Billy nasty names. Then she said she didn't have a daughter and slammed the door in Mommy's face." Susie, who had been looking down and picking at the edge of her cast, looked up when she heard Billy giggle. Billy was leaning back in Barbs arms with his arms splayed out to the side as she gently swung him from side to side. "He really likes you. He usually doesn't let people pick him up and I'm the only one who can make him giggle."

"Well, I kind of like him too." Barb said smiling and looking over at Rosa.

"I wish we could go and stay with you two." Susie said looking up at Rosa.

"We would like that too," Rosa replied smiling, "but, it is not up to us alone to decide something like that. We have to see what the courts say."

"I for one think it would be a great idea," Johnny chimed in, "I don't see any reason why they wouldn't be allowed."

Rosa smiled ruefully as Johnny, "Unfortunately, a lot of times in the courts eyes 'we' are not a 'couple'. They don't want a single person, they want a wife and a husband."

"Well, if Billy has issues with men, then that wouldn't be the best setting for him." Johnny said matter of factly with his arms crossed.

"That is true," Barb said.

"Well then, I guess there are some people we need to talk to before we head back to Berkley." Rosa said standing up. "We better get these two back to their room before someone reports them missing."

"Bye Johnny, it was nice meeting you." Susie said as she gave him a quick hug and then bounced back to the wheelchair.

"Hope we'll see each other again," Johnny waved as they headed out the door.

Johnny smiled as he heard Susie talking animatedly about what they were going to have for dinner tonight and whether they could get an extra scoop of ice cream. He was glad to see that she seemed to be taking all this rather well. Perhaps there was some hope for her and her brother. As long as they could find a nice place that will give them the attention they needed and the special handling Billy needed. Rosa and Barb would be great for them. Johnny hoped the courts would see it that way too. If it did all work out for them, Johnny mused, he would be getting two new cousins.


	14. Chapter 14

_Okay folks, wrapping up a lot of stuff in this chapter including the Craig Brice situation. Hope you enjoy it. I had also toyed with how much to tell the rest of the A shift about Johnny's past, and decided to let them know about Johnny's true age as I thought it would lend well for future stories if they knew. _

_Thanks to all who have continued to encourage me with your kind words. As always Feedback "feeds" the writers. We live for it and love to have it, so please leave feedback if you can. Thanks._

_The legalese was mentioned at the beginning of the story so please review it there, no use in repeating it here. _

Chapter 14

Later that evening, after a brief visit from Roy, who as promised brought dinner, consisting of Johnny's favorites, a Cheeseburger, Fries, and a Milkshake, Johnny sat comfortably chatting with Erin. They were in the middle of talking about the reservation in Montana and the lack of adequate health care for the people who lived there, when Johnny heard three familiar voices approaching down the hall.

"He's down this way, last door on the right according to Cap." Mike's voice carried quietly down the hall.

"I tell you, I bet you anything he is in there watching TV and moping about not being able to get out of here tonight." Chet's voice rang out the loudest.

"Well I'll bet you five bucks he has some hot nurse in there fawning all over him." Marco came back with his prediction.

"Gage with a hot chick," Chet scoffed, "never happen."

"Chet, knock it off." Came Mike's firm but quiet voice at the door, then he spoke up a little louder as he started to push the door further open, "Hey Johnny, you up to some visitors?"

"Sure guys come on in," Johnny called out.

Chet pushed into the room past Mike and stopped dead in his tracks, taking in the scene. A knock out babe in a form fitting purple mini dress sat on the edge of Johnny's bed holding his hand. When she stood up it was with the grace of a cat.

"Well, I guess this is my queue to leave," Erin said smiling at Johnny. She turned and with her back to the three guys, leaned over the bed, allowing the mini dress to ride up her back thighs. Brushing the forever errant stray lock of hair off his forehead, she whispered something in Johnny's ear and then kissed him on the cheek. Standing up, she winked at Johnny, "I already let Roy know that I'll pick you up and take you home after Dr. Brackett discharges you."

"I'll be here. Don't forget to bring me a change of clothes."

"Step ahead of you there, I did your laundry and I have a pair of Jeans and one of your looser fitting t-shirts sitting by the door along with anything else you'll need. See you tomorrow handsome." With that she turned and faced the three guys blocking her means of exit. The tallest of the three had a big smile on his face while the other two stood there with their mouths hanging open. "If you gentlemen will excuse me, I, um, need to get through."

Mike gallantly stepped aside, and the young lady with the very curvaceous figure stepped between he and Chet, stopping briefly to turn and gently close Chet's mouth, before her long legs took her out of the room. After a few moments, Mike let out a soft appreciative whistle and turned back to Johnny, "Hot, and her legs, smoking."

Marco, who had finally recovered his wits, turned and looked at Mike, "You're a married man, your not suppose to notice those sort of things."

Mike rolled his eyes, "I'm married Marco, not dead."

"I will be the first to admit, I'm impressed Gage." Chet said with his usual air of seeming nonchalance. "I just have two questions. First, where did you meet her? Second, when she dumps you can I date her?"

"I met her in the Emergency room. She's a nurse."

"Five bucks my friend," Marco said with his hand out.

As Chet dug out his wallet and handed Marco the five dollars, Johnny answered his second question, "And no, you can not date her. For one thing, she lives in Montana. And secondly, she's my cousin and there is no way on Earth I would let you date a member of my family."

"Your cousin, well that explains things. I knew there was no way a hot chick like her would be dating you. I'll take that five bucks back now Marco." Chet said holding out his hand.

"No way man, a bet's a bet." Marco replied, while shaking his head and crossing his arms in front of him.

"But she's Gage's cousin, it doesn't count."

"I have to agree with Marco on this one Chet. She is a nurse and we did see her 'fawning all over him' when we came in." Ignoring the befuddled looking Chet, Mike turned his attention to his friend in the bed, "So, how are you doing Johnny? Any news of when they might let you go home?"

"They say that Bracket left notes in my chart stating that I'm not to be discharged until he has had a chance to check me out, and he won't be back until tomorrow," Johnny replied, slouching down with a small frown on his face. Then sitting up and looking a little brighter he changed the subject, "So, how's things at the Station? Who's been driving the squad with both Roy and I gone?"

"Brice was there for the first couple shifts, but after he told Cap there was 'a more efficient way' to rotate chores, and then tried to reorganize Cap's files, we haven't seen him since. Mostly it's been one of the Dwyers and a new kid." Marco supplied.

"So, any idea of when you'll be returning?" Chet asked, trying not to sound too interested, but not succeeding.

"Chet, I didn't know you cared." Johnny baited his curly haired shift mate.

"You got it all wrong Gage, I couldn't care less when you return. It's just I've heard that the Phantom has been kind of board without his favorite pigeon around." Chet replied with feigned innocence.

"Well tell the 'Phantom' that he's going to have to wait another couple weeks." Johnny replied while pulling the sheets off his legs and swinging them over the side of the bed, "If guys will excuse me, I need to use the restroom."

Hopping out of bed, Johnny walked between his friends. Three voices sounded out. "Madre de Dios." "Whoa." "Jesus, how many times have you had a ceiling drop on you, Gage?"

Johnny turned back to look at his shift mates, "What are you talking about Chet?"

"All those old scars on your back, there's dozens of them there."

Johnny looked back over his shoulder and realized he had forgotten that the back of hospital gowns don't close, leaving his back and all his scars exposed. "Shit," he cursed as he looked up to see the shocked look on the three faces. Taking a deep breath and then letting it out, he turned back toward the bathroom, "Listen, I really have to pee." He took a couple steps toward the bathroom and put his hand on the door handle, pausing he stared at his feet, "If you really want to know, I'll tell you when I'm done." With that he walked into the restroom and shut the door.

After he used the facilities, Johnny stood at the sink and listened to the quiet words whispered back and forth in the other room. Words he had heard whispered before. 'It's really none of our business.' 'What could he have done to deserve those?' 'Maybe we should just leave.' Every time he tried to make friends when he was younger, a parent would see the scars and forbid their son or daughter to play with him, labeling him a trouble maker and that he must have earned those scars. Why else would his Pa have to whip him so hard? So he just accepted the fact that the scars were something to be ashamed of and hidden. To be borne in silence.

But damn it, he didn't deserve them. He hadn't 'earned' them. They were laid upon him by the hands of a sadist, for no other reason then the fact that he was alive. So, his friends wanted to know about the scars on his back. Fine, the lid to Pandora's Box had been opened. It was time to see who remained standing by his side once all the demons kept there in were revealed. Taking a deep breath, resolutely he turned, opened the door, and walked back into the room. "Hope you guys don't have anyplace to be tonight, cause this might take a while. And if anyone has a weak stomach then you might want to think twice about staying. What I'm going to tell you isn't pretty."

The three shift mates looked at each other, and without a word being said, a pact was made to stand by their friend. Pulling up chairs they gathered around while Johnny settled himself on the bed. Looking down at his hands folded in his lap and wishing to hell he had a cigarette, Johnny started his story. He spoke fondly of the stories his mother had told him of his father and the time before his father had died. He told of how, after his father, who was white, had died, his mother had to return to her people on the reservation. His father's parents would have nothing to do with him, feeling that having a half breed for a grandson disgraced their name. His mother's family, although ready to welcome their daughter back, also wanted nothing to do with a non pure blood child. So they quickly and quietly married her off to a tribal elder's son, a man no one else would have due to his volatile tendencies. Perhaps it was hoped that a wife and child would calm his violent nature, but Charles Strongbow was not one to be tamed.

Mike quietly broke in, "Strongbow, that was the name you said at that incident in the park."

"Yeah, I guess that big guy hitting the little girl stirred up some memories. Strongbow was that big and sometimes he would knock me around like that." Johnny paused and gave a soft chuckle, "There I go down playing things again. Strongbow didn't just 'knock me around', he beat me, whipped me, burned me, cut me, broke more bones in my body then I can even remember. And it wasn't just 'sometimes', it was practically everyday of my life from when I turned 4 years old till I was rescued from that hell the Spring before my 14th birthday. He never passed up the chance to remind me that I was nothing, that I was trash beneath his feet. Some nights he would come home so drunk that he would pass out before he could take his anger against 'the white man' out on me. But on other nights he would find any excuse to slap me around, hit me, throw me into a wall, and if he was really angry he took me down to the cellar where I was forced to stand and hug one of the support posts while he laid my back open with his leather belt."

"Christ," Chet broke in, "You mean this guy, this Strongbow person, he's the reason you have those scars on your back? He did all that with a leather belt? I mean, sure, my old man took his belt to me a couple times, but he never left any scars."

Johnny shook his head, "Chet, when your dad took his belt to you, how many times would he hit you?"

Chet shrugged, "I don't know, two maybe three times. I think one time he might have hit me four times."

"When Strongbow would take his belt to me he would never stop at anything less then ten. If I cried out or flinched then he would start again." Johnny looked up and saw his three shift mates squirm in their seats as the full impact of what Johnny had told them sank in.

Marco was the first to speak up, "What about your mom, didn't she try to stop him?"

"In the beginning she did, but every time she tried to help me, he would just beat me harder. I do remember one time she threatened to leave him. I remember the look of pure evil in his eyes when he looked at her and told her that if she ever tried to leave him before she bore him a son to carry on his name he would kill her. My mom got pregnant by him three times. The first two times she had girls, my two sisters, Amy and Anna. She was told by the doctors after she had Anna that she shouldn't have anymore children because she had a difficult pregnancy with both Amy and Anna. But Strongbow wouldn't stop until he had a boy. The third time my mom got pregnant by him, it was a boy, but she miscarried. Strongbow blamed me of course and damn near killed me. After that my mother was never the same. I think her soul died. She lost herself to pain pills and ended up overdosing when I was 13."

"What about other people, like neighbors or teachers or the doctors and nurses at the hospital, surely they must have know what was going on." Mike quietly asked.

"I'm sure they all knew I was being abused to some degree. After all, how many times can a kid fall down the steps to the cellar and break a bone? But you have to realize that life on a reservation is not easy for anyone. The teachers usually come from the bottom of the pool and don't want to be there anyway. Believe me, corporal punishment was not only used frequently in school, but it was encouraged. Best way to keep us heathens in our place. As for the doctors and the nurses at the clinic, they were worse then the teachers. Doc Wibbley, and believe me I use the term Doc loosely, was incompetent at best when he was sober. The nurses were nice and I am sure some of them cared, but even if they reported something, no one else cared. Better that we 'Injuns' kill ourselves off. Save the Government some money. And before you ask why I didn't just tell someone or run away, believe me I tried both. The one time I ran away Strongbow damn near killed my youngest sister who was one at the time. He left her brain damaged. As far as telling someone, I once told a teacher. The teacher sent me to the Principal's office, the Principal called Strongbow, who was pissed off that he had to leave work. Strongbow of course laid it back on me stating that I was a lying, ungrateful, rebellious child and that sometimes he had to use a 'strong hand' to keep me in line. The Principal apologized to Strongbow for the inconvenience, took the paddle down from the shelf, instructed me to drop my pants and bend over with my hands on my knees and then proceeded to punish me for lying. That evening Strongbow made me eat a bar of soap for dinner."

Johnny paused and looked up at the sober faces of his three friends. The four sat in silence for a while before Chet finally spoke up. "So, how did you end up getting out of there man? I mean, how did you end up in L.A.?"

"Well, as I mentioned, my mom died when I was 13 years old. Shortly after that Strongbow nearly killed me. If it hadn't been for my track coach, Jack Kemp and his wife I would be dead. They rescued me from the cellar where I had been chained, beaten, and left to die. They told me it was touch and go for a while and that I almost didn't make it. They had taken me to the 'white man's' hospital and kept things hushed up so that Strongbow wouldn't be brought into the equation. When I was strong enough, I went home with them where I spent the summer and part of the fall. Shortly after my 14th birthday Jack and Carol helped me take my graduation exams and as soon as I had my High School Diploma in hand, they looked for a way to get me out of town and as far away from Strongbow as possible. They decided to send me down to live with Carol's brother Nick here in L.A., but were worried that I was underage. When Jack called the Nurse Midwife in Oregon, where I was born, for my birth certificate, she couldn't find the paperwork so Jack told her I was born in 1947, thus making me 18 and not 14. After that, they put me on a bus headed for L.A. I stayed with Nick and his friends for a couple years and then joined the Academy. And from there, the rest of the story you know."

Chet was the first to speak up, "So…, if you were really born in 1951, that means you are really only 20 and that also means you were only…., Jesus, 16 when you entered the Fire Academy."

Johnny nodded his head in affirmation and then waited to see what the results would be from the release of this last 'demon'. Would this be the undoing of all?

Mike looked troubled, "Does Cap know?"

Johnny let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, "Yes Mike, he does. Cap said that since at the age of 16 you can become an emancipated minor, then, technically I did not need parental permission to enter the Academy. As far as the misrepresentation of my age, a clerical error. I didn't start the Paramedic program until I was already technically 18 so Brackett has no problems either."

Mike nodded his head, "Okay, I can accept that then."

Marco agreed, "Yeah man, I mean, you are one of the best paramedics out there, it shouldn't matter if you're younger then we all thought. As far as being a firefighter, I'd have you back me up on a line any day. And if any one gives you grief about your age, my brothers and cousins would help me straighten them out."

At this everyone looked at Chet, who was looking thoughtfully at a spot on the floor in front of him. After a few minutes of silence Chet looked up and saw three pairs of eyes staring at him. "What? I wouldn't say anything. I mean a guy's got to do what a guy's got to do in a difficult situation." Chet looked back down at the spot on the floor, thinking to himself, 'I wish I had as much guts as Johnny did when I was 14.' Out loud Chet addressed the group, "Listen guys, it's getting late and I'm sure Johnny needs his rest, we probably should be heading out." Standing up he walked over to Johnny's bed, "Believe it our not Gage, I know how to keep secrets when needed, and your secret is safe with me."

With that, Marco and Mike also got up and wished Johnny a speedy recovery and then followed Chet out the door.

Johnny stared at the door his friends had just exited. He was puzzled by Chet's reaction. He expected more joking and off handed remarks from The Phantom's alter ego. Shrugging his shoulders he lowered the head of the bed, dimmed the lights and closed his eyes.

Johnny restlessly dozed for several hours, never quite finding that comfortable position, never quite blocking out the nocturnal noises of the hospital. The almost imperceptible squeak and groan of the door to his room opening brought him fully awake, but instead of the expected bright white of a nurse's uniform, the figure in the door wore turnout pants and jacket.

Still fuzzy from sleep, his first instinctual thought was Roy, but that couldn't be right because Roy was still out on leave. It couldn't be one of his shift mates because A was off until tomorrow. The silhouetted figure stepped further into the room. "Brice?"

"My apologies Gage, I did not mean to interrupt your sleep. I only wanted to check to see how you were doing. I had heard that you had suffered an adverse reaction and had been rendered unconscious for an abnormal period of time. I am glad to see you are doing better." Brice stated.

"Um, thanks Brice." Johnny replied as he sat up a little further in the bed. He was confused by the sudden interest in his health and well being.

Brice picked up on the uncertainness in Johnny's voice. "Just because I prefer to adhere to the book and the rules and regulations, does not mean that I am not without compassion for my fellow firefighters. I, after all, am the one who brought you in."

"About the ride in, I umm, well you see…" Johnny tried to find someway to tell Brice that he had been conscious the whole time and had heard everything that had been said.

Brice, misinterpreting his injured coworkers attempts, jumped in, "Gage, there is no reason to apologize for loosing the contents of your stomach. It is a perfectly normal response to the trauma you incurred."

"If you hadn't gone on about the condition of my injuries and about starting an IV on me, then I probably would not have 'lost the contents of my stomach'." Johnny held up his hand forestalling any response on Brice's part. "But that is not what I wanted to talk about. Do you have a few minutes? Or do you have to get back?"

"As my partner is still back at the fire assisting with clean up and to address any further injuries should they occur, then I find myself at your disposal until at which time my presence is required else ware. At which point I am sure I will be notified." Brice said, holding up the handitalkie.

"Okay, then since we don't know how much time we have, I will just come right out and say it." Johnny paused for a fraction of a second, took a breath and plowed on, "During the ride in the ambulance, I heard everything."

Brice stood silent, staring at the piece of equipment in his hand, almost willing it to come to life and summon him. But it didn't.

"Brice, did you hear what I said? I heard everything you said. I heard you talk about your brother and him getting in trouble for not following the rules. You had mentioned that your brother had scars too, like mine, and you wondered if I had trouble following the rules too."

"I must stop you there, and apologize. I had no right to question or infer anything about your personal life based on my personal experiences. It was unprofessional and will not happen again."

Johnny sighed and shook his head, "Craig, don't get your underwear in a bunch. It's alright, really. I am not going to pretend to know what your family life was like growing up, just as you have no inkling as to what mine was like, but what I can tell you is that no person, especially no child deserves scars like the ones I bare. No one deserves to have their back laid open in bloody welts, to be beaten until bones break, to be burned and scarred both inside and out. That is no longer punishment; that is abuse. No, that is torture. I tried to follow the 'rules' my stepfather made, but no matter what I did he would find reasons to take out his hatred on me. It was only because someone stepped up and removed me from that situation that I am here today. I've come a long way since then, but I still have a ways to go. I don't think I will ever be able to put it all 100 percent behind me, but with the help of friends, I'm learning to live with it. Hopefully your brother found someone to help him and was able to heal some of the scars."

Craig Brice stood there staring at the Handitalkie for several seconds before responding in a quiet voice, "My brother's dead. He committed suicide his Senior year in High School. One day, he never came home from school. They found him and his car at the bottom of one of the seaside cliffs. He didn't even slow down when he hit the guardrail. He was flunking out of school and wasn't going to be able to graduate. I guess he couldn't face Mother. I was in 10th grade at the time."

"I'm sorry Craig. I know it must have been really difficult for you."

Craig took his glasses off, wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand and replaced his glasses, "Well, I better get back down stairs. I'm glad to see you are doing better." Craig turned and walked toward the door, pausing in the doorway, "Johnny."

"Yeah, Craig?" Johnny replied, a little taken back by the use of his first name.

"I just wanted to say thanks. You've given me something to think about."

"You're welcome Craig," Johnny said to the figure as it walked out the door and into the hallway.


	15. Chapter 15

_Well, this is it. The end. I know it took a while for me to post this, but I appreciate you all reading, reviewing, and waiting patiently. In the previous chapter I wrapped up a lot of loose ends such as Johnny letting Craig know he heard everything Craig said about his own brother being abused. I also had Johnny tell the rest of the A-shift crew about his past and his true age. _

_Where the previous chapters took place in the late summer, before Johnny's August birthday, this chapter jumped ahead several months to March. I needed the setting to be in the spring for the ceremony I had designed. I may at some point go back and write stories that fill in that gap of time, but they will be standalone stories. _

_A note on the Medicine Wheel Ceremony I have in this chapter. I researched and read about several interpretations of the Medicine Wheel and this is the one I felt reflected my perceptions the best. The page it comes from is /wheels and the name associated with the particular passages I chose was Bonnie Cehovet. I did add some of my own personal touches in to it, because, as I mentioned in the story, there is no one set Medicine Wheel, each is personal to the one who makes it._

_Thanks to all who have continued to encourage me with your kind words. As always Feedback "feeds" the writers. We live for it and love to have it, so please leave feedback if you can. Thanks._

_The legalese was mentioned at the beginning of the story so please review it there, no use in repeating it here. _

Chapter 15

Johnny stood in the big open field facing the East as the rising sun broke across the top of the mountains and spread its golden rays across the foothills on the outskirts of Los Angeles. The ground shone like diamonds where the sun struck the morning dew that clung to the tender new shoots of vegetation. The air was crisp and fresh, blowing from the mountains heavy with snow. The winter had been good, with just enough moisture to fill the mountains with snow and the foothills with rain, but not too much to cause the deadly mudslides on the coasts. Behind, he could hear the crunching of tires on the gravel road heralding the arrival of the first of his family and friends. He had asked them all to join him on the land that Jack had left him to celebrate the coming of the spring and a new beginning.

Turning, he was not surprised to see the De Soto family clambering out of the car. Johnny smiled, he didn't know how Joanne did it, but she always had her family ready and on time, if not 10 minutes early. Chris and Jenny ran across the open field and threw themselves into Johnny's outstretched arms. "And how are my two favorite munchkins?" Johnny said as he pulled them into a big hug.

"I lost another tooth," Chris said grinning and pointing to the new gap in his mouth.

Johnny leaned back and looked impressed. "So you have. Did you put it under your pillow for the tooth fairy?"

"You bet! She even left me a whole quarter! Mom and Dad said it was because it was one of my bigger teeth."

"What are you going to do with all that money?"

"I got me a new Matchbox Firetruck. It's one of the new Superfast series."

"And how about you, Miss Jenny? What has my favorite girl been up to?" Johnny asked while tweaking her nose.

"I helped Mommy dectorate the rocks you asked us to bring." Jenny smiled.

"Well then, where are these rocks you helped decorate?"

"Come on, I'll show you," Jenny said as she grabbed Johnny's hand and started pulling him toward the car. "We painted Mommy's yellow, Daddy's black, and Chris and mine Red, just as you asked."

"Morning Johnny," Joanne greeted him with a big hug, "Chris, go help your father get the stuff out of the back of the car."

"Jo, you are looking as beautiful as the morning sunrise," Johnny said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

A red blush crept up her cheeks as she playfully swatted him on the arm, "Flatterer."

"Hey Junior, go find your own woman, this one is already spoken for," Roy said as he came up beside Joanne and put his arm around his wife's waist.

"Can I help it if you've got the two prettiest ladies in the entire County? Guess I'll just have to keep looking." Johnny grinned as he looked down and ruffled Jenny's hair. "Come on princess; let's go get those rocks you told me about."

Jenny turned and skipped to the car, chattering away like a magpie. Over the next half hour the remaining guests arrived. Ray Two Ponies had driven down from Montana with Johnny's sister, Amy; Johnny's cousin, Erin; and Carol Kemp. Johnny's Aunt Rosa drove in from Berkley along with her life partner Barb and their two charges, Susie and Billy. Everyone was amazed at how much the two youngsters had flourished under the excellent care of the two women. The courts too had been impressed, and with no relatives stepping up to claim the children, had granted them the right to adopt the two. Johnny now had two more cousins to add to his growing list of family members. Chet and Marco brought Marco's mother who doted on Johnny, declaring him too skinny and promising to make a double batch of her famous Enchiladas. Mike and Hannah, and their two boys were followed in by Hank and Maggie and their two teenage girls. The girls, much to their father's dismay, followed Johnny around looking all doe eyed and giggly. Dixie, Kel, and Joe completed the gathering.

In short order, Johnny had everyone arranged in a large circle around a smaller circle of stones. Johnny stood looking at the circle of his family and friends. It had been almost 7 months since the lid to his Pandora's Box had been lifted, and some of the demons of his past let loose. Those gathered here today learned of his abuse at the hands of his step-father and the bullies at school. They knew of his escape to L.A. and of his real age. And instead of turning this knowledge against him or avoiding him because of it, it brought them closer. These people knew him for who his is and who he was. They were people who he trusted not just with his life, but with his past. For it was in confronting his past that he had found a future, a future filled with the promise of acceptance and love. And today he would honor that love and acceptance, and all those who have gone before, all those in the present, and all those yet to come.

Stepping into the center of the circle he addressed the group, "I want to thank you all for coming here today to help me build a Medicine Wheel on the land Jack left me. Some of you may not know what a Medicine Wheel is and that is okay because it can mean a number of things depending on who is building it and why. A Medicine Wheel is a physical connection between us and the Spiritual Energies of the world. It protects us and guides us when we are lost. It soothes and comforts us when we are lonely. It spins and dances with us when we are joyous. It is also a connection between all of us who stand here, for we cannot stand alone. The Wheel has bound us together in our Journey through life and as we move through life so will our position on the Wheel."

At this point, Johnny stepped up to the persons standing at the eastern point of the circle. "Mamma Lopez, Maggie, Hannah, Joanne, you stand in the East. The East represents birth, creation, beginning, and family. I asked you to paint your rocks yellow because yellow is the color of the East, the color of the rising sun that brings us a new day and new hope. I have included a yellow rock as a place of honor for my mother as she was my beginning."

Maggie laid her rock down and spoke, "The direction of the East represents spirituality and enlightenment. Through the East we begin to see where we are. We have an inner knowing that comes from our understanding that we are united as one with all things. Here we find the courage to extend our visions - to see the broader picture of our lives. Here we learn perspective."

Hannah stepped up next and laid her stone down; on it was painted an Eagle. "The totem of the East is the Eagle. The Eagle soars high and has the ability to see great distances. Eagle receives inspiration from the Great Spirit, and brings balance into our lives. The element of the East is Fire." Mamma Lopez stepped forward, placed a candle on the ground and lit it as Hannah continued, "Fire is the radiant energy of transformation. Fire contains the great power of expansion. The time period of the East is momentary. The power of a moment lies in the quality of that moment. That is why it is important to live "in" the moment.

Joanne now stepped forward, "The season of the East is Spring. Spring is the awakening of new life. It is becoming aware of what lies within ourselves and what lies outside of ourselves. Let us use the time of the East to see where we are headed in our life."

Johnny turned toward the South and addressed those who were standing there, "The South represents youth."

"Hey Gage," Chet broke in, "I think you had me paint my rock the wrong color. Mine's the same color as the kids." Chet said, as he looked at the rocks sitting on the ground in front of Jenny, Billy, Susie, Chris, Mikey, Jimmy, Lora and Lisa. "Shouldn't it be the same as Marco's and Mike's and Roy's?"

Johnny tried to not look annoyed at the interruption, "If you wouldn't interrupt, then you would understand why your rock is the same color as the kids. Now if I can continue? …. the South represents youth, passion for life, friendship, and learning self-control"

"The direction of the South is the Path of the Inner Child; to access that part of ourselves that uses the faith, trust and innocence that we had as children to make our way through life. I include a spot for my sister Anna, for in my eyes she will always be the embodiment of trust and innocence. From the South we are able to see things with greater clarity and to begin to understand our own individual natures."

Jenny stepped up and smiled and recited what her mother and father taught her, "The color of the South is red," She said, pointing to the red rocks on the ground. "Red is the color of our blood." She paused and looked up at Johnny with a small pout on her face, "I can't remember the rest."

"That's okay Jenny, you did great," Johnny said, finishing for her, "Our blood is our life force, our health and vitality."

Susie spoke up next, "The South is where our journey through life begins, with knowing ourselves. The quality embraced by the South is trust and innocence. It is enjoying the experience of discovery, finding joy in new knowledge and letting go of fears. Like Billy and I did when we went to live with Rosa and Barb, right Johnny?"

"That's right Susie," Johnny smiled at the bouncing young girl and then turned to Chris, Mikey and Jimmy. "You guys ready?"

Each boy read a line in turn.

"The totem of the South is the Coyote. The Coyote is the trickster, he shatters illusions and laughs at himself."

"His lessons may sometimes be harsh, but they do bring us knowledge of ourselves."

"This teaches us to examine our own feelings and emotions - and to be guided by them."

"So is that why Chet is standing with us, because he is like the Coyote?" Chris asked.

"Yes, Chris. That is precisely why Chet is standing with you guys. "That and also because sometimes he acts like a big kid." Johnny said while smirking at Chet. Chet meanwhile was doing his best to look innocent. Johnny then turned to Hank's two girls, "Lora, Lisa, if you two would be so kind as to continue."

Both girls giggled and then read their part together, "The element of the South is water. This refers not so much to the physical quality of water, or even its ability to cleanse, but to the essence of water - that it flows through life. Here we are asked to allow our emotions to flow freely." The girls picked up a large glass bowl and a canteen. They placed the bowl on the ground in front of them and poured the water from the canteen into it.

Johnny turned to Chet, and with all joking aside, Chet proudly recited his part. "The time period of the South is the past. Emotions that we are holding on to, that are blocking us, are from the past. This is where we need to heal. Through the South we become as children, we understand, and we heal."

"Thank you Chet," Johnny said before turning to the next group of people. Before him now stood his sister Amy, her fiancé Ray, Marco, Mike, Erin, and Roy. "The West, in which you stand represents adulthood, stillness, going inside oneself, and reflection."

"The direction of South was our beginning of knowing who the "self" is. The direction of the West deepens this knowing through dreams and visions of the future." Amy said as she smiled proudly at her brother.

Marco spoke next, "The color of the West, as represented by the color of our rocks, is black. Not the black of 'nothingness', but the black of 'all things'. It is the color of mystery and unconscious."

"The totem of the West is the Bear. Bear brings us strength and connection to Mother Earth, and represents the quality of introspection. Bear seeks truth." Ray said while stepping forward and placing his rock with a picture of a bear paw print on the ground. "The power of the Bear is the power of knowing, the power that allows one to enter dreamtime and walk the path of questing for answers, the internal path."

Erin stepped forward and placed a pot of soil down in front of her, "The element of the West is earth. Earth is passive, receptive and nurturing. A deep connection with earth is needed to bring ourselves into balance with Universe. The season of the West is Autumn, a time of gentle change brought about through turning inward."

There was a quiet pause, and then Mike spoke up, "The direction of the West represents introspection, looking for knowledge within ourselves. Here is where we find that which we need to change to make progress in our lives. This is the emphasis of the West, change and transition."

Finally Roy stepped up and put his hand on Johnny's shoulder, "The time period of the West is the present. The present is the only place that we can invoke change. Our future is created by the beliefs that we hold in the present. Changing those belief patterns changes our future. Use the time of the West wisely to see how your current goals are affecting your future."

The two stood there for several minutes in silence for no words needed to be spoken. Blue eyes and brown eyes proudly meeting, sharing everything. Roy pulled Johnny into a hug that spoke of brotherly love, before stepping back into his spot in the circle.

Clearing his throat from the lump that had started to form there, Johnny turned to the final direction and faced those who had nurtured him, taught him, and guided him on his path in life. "Hank, Dixie, Kel, Joe, Barb, Rosa, Carol, you stand in the North, the place of our elders, the place of wisdom."

Holding a piece of paper out in front of himself and donning his reading glasses, Hank peered over the top of both, stilling what was bound to be a smart remark about age perched on Chet's lips. "One smart remark out of you and it will be latrine duty for a month." Looking back down at the paper he read, "The quality embraced by the North is knowledge and wisdom. This is the sense of understanding that one gains through living, through personal experience."

Dixie stepped up and gave Johnny a big hug, "Johnny, wisdom comes from applying the knowledge we gain, to our lives, in a meaningful manner."

Joe Early stepped up next, "Like these rocks on the ground and the hair on my head, the color of the North is White, the combination of all colors. White represents ones highest aspirations, that of balance. Johnny may you find balance in your life before your hair turns white."

"Thanks, I'll try." Johnny said with a grin.

Kel stepped up next and shook Johnny's hand, "Johnny you've come a long way since I first met you. I'm glad to be considered not just a colleague, but a friend. And with that being said, I guess it's my turn to talk about the totem of the North. The totem of the North is the Buffalo. Buffalo energy is that of abundance, in supporting the sustaining of life through the giving of itself for food, clothing and more, and of prayer, the giving of thanks for all that has been received."

Barb, with the help of Rosa drove a tall Sheppard's hook into the ground and hung a wind chime on the curled end. "This wind chime represents the element of the North, air. Air is movement and freedom, the clearing of thoughts and the carrier that allows us to manifest our dreams."

Rosa stepped over and gave her nephew a big hug, "The season of the North is winter. But do not think of winter as a cold, desolate time; instead, think of it as a time of preparation and regeneration."

Carol reached out and took Johnny's hand, "Johnny, I knew you in the past, I see you now in the present, and I look forward to what the future brings for you. The time period of the North is the future. We create our future in many ways, by the decisions we have made and actions we have taken in the past, by how we interact in the present, and by what we are destined to do with those future energies. Use the time of the North to find your soul's purpose for this lifetime."

"I close the circle with a white rock for Jack Kemp and one for my father. Jack was my mentor and my savior in so many ways. I know his spirit has continued to watch over me and bring me strength. And although I never really got a chance to know my father, I have been told I have many of his traits. I hope I will honor him and the name he has given me in all that I do."

"Although the circle is now closed, it is not complete, for the center too has its own attributes." Stepping into the center of the circle Johnny continued to speak, "The center of the Medicine Wheel is the center of our own being. It is our conscious awareness of who we are."

Bending down Johnny picked up a bundle of Sage and lit it. As it began to smoke, the sweet aroma carried to those standing in the circle. "The totem of the center is smoke. The smoke drives away all the bad spirits; it cleanses and carries our thoughts and prayers to the gods. The element of the center is Aether, the source element for Air, Fire, Water and Earth. Our center is pure essence, formless, spaceless and timeless. The time period of the center is timelessness, it is stillness and perfect balance."

Several voices spoke up at once, "Good luck with that one Gage." "Johnny, be still?" "Eh, hem." "Are we going to see pigs fly Daddy? Cause you said that the day Uncle Johnny is able to stay still is the day pigs will fly." "Jenny!"

"No Jo, its fine. She's right," Johnny said with a smile, "You are all right. It is difficult for me to stay still. But that is what this this ceremony is all about. The journey of the Medicine Wheel is one of change and transformation. As we take all that is around us, all that has formed us, and bring it into our center. It is then that we can make contact with our Higher Selves, take responsibility, and focus our energies to form what we want ourselves to be. May this Medicine Wheel service not only me, but all of us, in our Journey through this life and beyond. Now that our circle is complete, let's enjoy the food that we all brought and each other's company."

As the group began traipsing back to the cars, Roy turned and looked to where Johnny still stood in the center of the circle. "Aren't you coming Johnny?"

"I'll be there in a sec; there are just a couple things I want to finish up here."

"Okay, but I can't guarantee how long Mamma Lopez's enchiladas or Jo's brownies are going to last."

"You better save me some."

"I'll try, but no promises." With that Roy turned and headed to the spot where blankets were being laid out.

Johnny watched as the kids ran around excitedly and grownups began setting up card tables and loading them with food. 7 years ago when he came to L.A., he knew no one. He had no family and he had no friends. Then, slowly he began to let people into his life. Now, he marveled at all the people he counted as family and friends. Sighing he looked at the stones in the circle that represented his mother and father, his sister, and Jack. "I wish you could have been here to see this."

From the woods to the North, the skree of a Hawk sounded. Turning toward the woods, Johnny faintly saw the forms of 4 persons standing there, two men, a woman, and a young girl. A gentle breeze brought the soft words of his mother's voice to his ears, "We are here for you Johnny, we always will be, we will always look out for you, we are part of your Medicine Wheel."

A quiet childish giggle brought a smile to his face, "You hear that John John," came the young girlish voice of his sister Anna, "Now I get to take care of you and watch out for you like you did for me all those years."

Then a voice that only his heart recognized spoke next, "Johnny, I'm proud of you son."

"Go now Johnny," came Jack's deep bass voice, "they're waiting for you. Give Carol my love."

As if on cue, Chet's loud voice rang across the pasture, "Come on Gage, Roy said we can't eat until you get over here, and I'm starving."

Turning and heading toward the group, Johnny yelled back to his sometimes annoying friend, "Geez Chet, hold your horses. I'm coming." Half way there he was greeted by a pack of kids clambering for his attention, drowning out the departing skree of a hawk as it took flight and disappeared into the sky.


End file.
